Fredrik: I Wish I Deserved Luis' Friendship

Filming a Reunion was a first for me. It was very intense, and long, with tears, disagreements, some laughter too, and an opening to understanding the other two guys. I am so happy we got to do it, to actually sit with Andy and take a good look back at this year and each other. I also got to look at myself, my relationship, and my own actions. You see, we film for so many months and then we watch it like you guys do, and I get proud, I get sad, I get happy, I have so many emotions I never voice, until the Reunion. And that felt good.

Opening up on our baby issue was tough but we are working through it. Derek is my rock and we do understand each other more now, partly because of the show.

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Discussing my past with Ryan was healing. Getting to know Emilia was maybe the best part of it all for me because it makes me understand Ryan so much more, and I am interested in getting to know him more. We are so totally different, our styles couldn't be more opposite and that's OK too, actually kind of interesting. I really don't dislike him anymore and I'm starting to understand his humor more.

And then Luis. . .I wish I could deserve his friendship. I wish he wouldn't have said the things he did, and seen my sides of things. I wish I had a different way of communicating with him. I wish I wouldn't have lost his trust a long time ago. I wish I was better on apologizing. For now we will move in different directions. I will be cautious and guarded and then we will see. I do wish him the best with everything, I truly do, and it was hurtful to see him cry like that, but also beautiful I think. I have told him that after the Reunion, and that he should be proud to be able to open up like that.

When it comes to the future I am excited -- excited for my offices in Europe, my team in New York, the almost two dozen new development projects I have coming. My clients. I am even excited to have a baby, one day, soon. I'm not giving up! And then I'm excited for the future of this show. . .

Until then I want to thank all of you for watching. Doing this show has been the most difficult, but rewarding thing I have ever done. Your support and love for us three makes it worth it all. And fun. Thanks to the network for believing in us and making us look so good at what we do (and handsome!). #Weeeee

Now I'm going to celebrate with a high-kick and dinner with Derek and my family visiting from Sweden. Follow me on Instagram (@fredrikeklundny) until I see you on my TV screen again xoxoxo and thanks again.

Much love,
Fredrik your crazy loving meatball