Yolanda Hadid: It Is Time for Me to Let Go of Any Negativity

As I watch the season unfold and observe myself going back six months in time, I feel so much gratitude for the improvement I have made and still hopeful for a full recovery.

Watching yourself on TV gives you a great opportunity to re-evaluate your behavior. I must remember the higher purpose of my journey. When I first got diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease and learned about the stigma around it, I chose to share and bring awareness to this ignored disease whose surrounding controversy feels like such an unfair and shameful affair.

It has been a humbling experience to learn that most people don't understand invisible disease, because they can't actually see sickness on one's skin.

The fact that a poppy seed-size tick can bring such devastation to one's life is insane--the fact that we can't get the treatment we deserve is even more unbelievable.

While searching for a cure I have met so many debilitated and financially devastated patients, parents who've sold their homes to pay for their children's treatment, whose lives have had to make drastic changes for the fight to keep them alive--most, who have faithfully paid for medical insurance their whole life.

This is a complexed chronic disease, and it must be taken seriously because it's real!

Spiritually shaming those suffering from invisible chronic disease is something we really need to take a look at.

Hundreds of thousands of gay men were shamed into believing HIV was their disease only. Now, 30 years later, we all know the truth, don't we?

I feel such deep compassion and speak with conviction for all of those affected, and my spirit is unbreakable, but I also have to learn not to let this get the best of me, because sometimes it just does.

Something that really hit home for me while I was in Seattle last week was when Dr. Klinghardt reminded me that 50% of healing is in the emotional and spiritual body.

Once again, hearing stories from patients also seeking a cure, who show me their gratitude for the voice I am for them --a profound experience--and a day at the doctor's office reminds me of why I'm doing this. I went back to the hotel one night, feeling quite discouraged from seeing so many debilitated patients at the clinic, sick from treatment myself, I crawled into bed and just started crying from pure exhaustion.
I had thoughts of doubt and thoughts of weakness, but then when I thought of those people whose challenges are greater then mine, my two children and their offspring one day...I know that my quest is a necessity.

I got emotional in tonight's episode when talking to Lisa because I had very limited brain function at that time and was just buckled down trying to put on a brave face and get through the night, feeling vulnerable and not quite sure who to trust or believe anymore.

It has been a confusing season for me, even though I choose this extraordinary platform to bring awareness, I did not anticipate the emotional journey that would come with that.

The debate on this very personal matter has affected me deeper then I was willing to admit. Even though my reactions are to others' actions, it still doesn't make it right for any of us women to get tangled in this unpleasant web.

It is time for me to let go of any negativity. I feel for not only some of the women in this group but for those in my life who choose to judge my journey. In order to get to the finish line, I must address forgiveness and practice love starting in my own heart.

I always try to have the attitude that it doesn't matter what others think of you, what matters is what you think of yourself, but sometimes that belief system shifts as the pressures of life can get the best of you.

I am confident and grounded in who I am. I wasn't raised to fear people with a difference of opinion but rather see the greatness that exists in each and everyone of us.

Until next week, much love

Yo