Why 2013 Was So Hard for Brandi

I hope by watching this episode that people can understand a little more about why 2013 was such a tough year for me. My dad and I are a lot alike. We both have tempers and are very feisty. My dad overthinks everything -- and I don't think about things enough. He and I have always butted heads, but we usually resolved things right away.

This year my dad came down with a very serious heart condition. He had heart surgery in the past, and his heart now seem to be relapsing to the point he would need surgery again. He couldn't even walk across a room with getting out of breath. For my dad, who is a very active person, this was very depressing.

My book came out, and originally my dad loved it and was very proud. But once his health started to fail, we had an argument about my Oscar dress and stopped talking -- and not just for a few days this time but for almost five months. I tried my hardest to make up with him to no avail, and I felt very alone.

My dad is the only man in my life that I've always been able to count on and now he was gone. I was sad. And then Chica went missing and I fell into an even darker place. When my kids would leave to go to their dad's, I felt that sadness I felt during my divorce creeping back up on me. I definitely leaned on the neck of a bottle of wine or two when I was feeling lost and alone.

Family is everything to me, and when we are not OK, I am not OK.Thank God I'm back on my happy pill and in a much better place now.

I was very nervous going to Sacramento because one wrong move and things between my dad and I could be unrepairable, which would mess up our entire family dynamic. This is why I brought hot back up in the very relatable form of Mrs. Yolanda Foster. My father gets intimidated easily when it comes to "fancy rich people" and although Yolanda may be rich, she is incredibley down-to-earth.

Seeing my nieces is always a treat. I just absolutely adore and spoil them. After all, they are my only nieces and my sons' only cousins. During my book signing I was very nervous that I would say something wrong or something that would trigger my dad to get up and leave. When I am nervous or anxious I take a LOT of deep breaths, as you probably have noticed. Luckily Yolanda was able to work her magic and charm my dad into giving me a chance to make up with him.

Luckily my father and I have slowly gotten our relationship back on track, and I only hope watching this episode doesn't take us back to square one, as sometimes it restarts the fights between the girls and I even if we have already made up.

My new dog Buddy has definitely grown on me and is now very loved, although we are working through some biting, peeing, barking issues with a trainer. We all miss Chica so much and sometimes I accidentally call Buddy by her name, which makes us all a little sad.

It is very scary that Joyce and her husband had to deal with possible home invaders in their driveway, and I'm glad they were scared off. For me personally, having two little boys in my home that are at the age where guns are in video games and in cartoons (like Star Wars among others) that kind of glorify guns violence, I would not feel safe having a gun in my home. I do have cameras, an alarm, pepper spray, and I sleep with giant kitchen knives under my bed. I'm just too afraid of an accident happening with my children to keep a firearm in my home.

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We are all invited to join Joyce in taking a self defense class, which is always a good idea. Growing up my brother, sister, and I were all involved in lots of physical altercations because we lived in a rough neighborhood. I sadly was even involved in two fights in high school. My parents always said that we weren't allowed to start fights -- but we sure as hell better finish them, otherwise don't come crying to them. The three of us are pretty tough kids, so these Beverly Hills women really don't scare me at all (except for maybe Carlton).

I was pretty impressed with Yolanda and Kim's skills, as well as Carlton's, of course.

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While boxing with the coach he said I could hit him as hard as I could in the face. Mind you, we didn't tape our hands before we put on the gloves, which makes me mad because I know better and am not sure why I didn't ask to. I go to throw the punch, and he puts his head down so that I hit the top of his head, which is the hardest part of the body -- and snap I break my hand. I knew it was broken the second it happened, but tried not to be a sissy about it and just jumped out of the ring.

I don't like to show vulnerability because when I have in the past I have been let down. Basically I don't ask for help because I'm afraid no one will help me. I know that Lisa cares about me, but sometimes when she is constantly pointing out the things I've done wrong or the things she wants me to do her way I feel like its more so she can say I told you so and be right.

I though it was very sweet of Kyle to give me that card in the limo. We have slowly been wiring on our friendship. When Chica went missing, she called her daughters to go out that very night and help look for her. Kim, Kyle, and their families were also the first gals out of the group to come over and help me scower the neighborhood and put up signs for Chica, which I truly appreciated. I confided in Kyle a little about the situation with my dad and some other things and she was very sweet. She even let me drop the kids at her house a couple times when we had events and my babysitter canceled. To me that is a huge deal and I am starting to see Kyle in a different light. It's funny when Kyle and Lisa get together I feel like their is a bit of a competition for who is top dog of our group. There are a lot of strong personalities in our group, and no one is better then anyone so I don't quite get the competition. . .

(I learn to understand it but that comes later in the season.)