Brandi: I Didn't Really Want to Murder Joyce

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Like me I'm sure many of you can't wait to start new year of 2014 off fresh and with a clean slate.

This episode brought many smiles to my face. I thought it was so cute to see Carlton and her mother-in-law interact the way they did. I also applaud Carlton for keeping the romance and sexiness alive in her marriage. As someone who was in a 13-year relationship, I know how important it is to keep things fresh and sexy. To her, I say Bravo.

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It was so cute when Yolanda called me for advice about covering a zit, because out of all the girls I seem to be the only one that still gets them and have become an expert at covering them up. Backstage at a fashion show long ago, a makeup artist taught me that a drop of Visine temporarily takes the red out of a pimple. That way you can get through your date night or even a fashion show. Yolanda and David are so cute and sweet together, and that book she gave David was super sexy. Her body is just insane.

Watching Kim with her son and talking about their dog was very endearing. It almost felt like the conversation might have been more about him then Kingsley. But as a mom myself I know how hard it is watching your babes get older. They will always be babes in our minds.

Kyle asked me if I would model in her charity fashion show and if I could ask some of my model friends to donate their time also. When it comes to kids or animals, I will do just about anything to help. I asked a few of my best friends that were former runway models if they would be willing to help. And, of course, they obliged. When we arrived to the fitting, Joyce and a friend were already there. I decide to be the bigger person and say hello and introduce her to my friends Jennifer and Etirsa. Kyle has known both Jennifer and Etirsa through me because I have brought them as dates to many of these ladies' events over the years.

Jennifer and Joyce start immediately speaking Spanish, and, while I know it's not an actual secret language, I'm annoyed and almost feel like I want to pee on Jenny to mark my territory. I have no problem being cordial to someone I am not fond of for the sake of the situation.

David Lerner's clothes were super sexy and I thought everyone looked great in them. I am in no way a size zero. Because I have a long torso, things sometimes fit me weird but I'm a Size 4 and very healthy.

I laughed out loud when I saw the gangster Barbie part, as I super smacked on my gum. I think I'm going to pitch it to Mattell. I can picture it now: Barbie with some big chains and maybe a grill.

It was interesting to me when Joyce said you can never be to thin to rich or to sexy. . .It seem to roll off of her tongue very easily without any prompting. This is almost the same saying as Joyces opening tagline, which she's complained about. Hmm. Interesting. That's just like how adamant she was about not being able to swim -- but now she says she actually can swim just not that well. Lie much?

I think we will start to see some more of the former Miss Puerto Rico's true colors coming out. Joyce saying you never be too thin really bothered me, because in fact you can. Young women have enough problems with eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia, and then to have an ex-beauty queen perpetuate that one can never be to thin is just wrong. I think that Joyce may have a problem. Maybe instead of focussing on what she thinks my issues are, she should take a closer look at herself and her own issues.

Lisa invited me to SUR and I really didn't want to go. My kids had just come back to me after ten days of being away, and I had just missed them so much that I didn't want to leave their side. Lisa insisted it was important to her that I come, so I begrudgingly accepted. When I arrived she told me Joyce was coming (which I did not know) and that she wants us to try and move past our issues. . .I was really not in the mood for this tonight.

Joyce comes to dinner late and kisses everyone hello -- completely snubbing me. Then she also tells Mohammed he is the only reason she came. I can already tell this isn't going to be a fun dinner and really wished I had stayed home with my kids.

After Mohammed told Joyce that Lisa is the the most wonderful woman he's ever met in Beverly Hills (something I found odd, considering his fiancée was sitting next to him and the mother of his children across from him), we get into a fight. Joyce once again calls me a racist, bully, etc. etc. Even her husband joins in to gang up on me.

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Joyce's husband should not have involved himself in that way. He wasn't around for any of the issues. While a man should stick up for his wife -- that should never involve yelling at another woman. Did I really want to murder the ex-Miss Pureto Rico? No, but in my head, I was imagining knocking one of her fake teeth out in my head.

As Joyce was going on and on, she said something to me that really stands out. She said she knew why I brought one of my best friends (Etirsa) to Kyle's fitting. I honestly think that remark was the most racist remark ever. I have friends, ex-boyfriends, an ex-husband, and even children from all different ethnic backgrounds. Although I made an insensitive, stereotypical joke, there is nothing racist about me. I also want to add for my entire life I was teased about my name. I was called "vodka" or "gin," asked if my mom was drunk when she named me, and even asked if I was a stripper and that was my stage name. Teased!!! Not bullied -- and you know what I'm a stronger person for it.

As Joyce and her husband continue to gang up on me, the f bomb starts flying out of my mouth, per usual when I lose my temper and am arguing with two people at once. These people are exhausting and why is this grown ass man screaming at me? I'm frustrated and I start to get emotional. It's about time to go. All Joyce does is exaggerate EVERYTHING -- just as you saw when she mimicked Lisa's hair flip. So lame!