Hugh: Enough With the Mexican Food Hate

So Brian is gone but impossible to forget. Who will make poop jokes?

Melancholy is the opening feeling this season. Nicholas is again our study in sadness. Nicholas is agreeing that he can come across like a caustic arse, but Shirley, in an effort to appeal to everyone, clarifies that he is an arse with a heart. Nicholas listens, and then gets that little glean in his eye that says so much.

"And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over acuteness of the senses?" -- Edgar Allan Poe, The Tell-Tale Heart

Nicholas is doing this for his Dad, who is in a bad health situation. This is a great thing, and a beautiful act of courage on his part to show his Dad that love. Let's do it with more smiling. I want to yell, "Be happy cooking!," but I know better. My pops is going through a different health quandary, equally as grave. There is no manual on how to take care of the parents we adore. Used to be, they would just get a La-Z-Boy and move into your living room. Nowadays it ain’t so simple.

Carlos is coming into his own as a Mexican food villain. I suggest he watch Machete to relax. If he plays his cards right he could follow in the footsteps of Lorena Garcia. I need a nap again.

"To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub." -- Shakespeare, Hamlet.

Speaking of Shakespeare and wordplay, Gail and Tom are here to tell you what’s up. It’s a two-part Quickfire and Gail wants a perfect bite with alliterative tendencies: Sweet, salty, sour, spice. Not silly or soiled.

Nicholas has had a vision. That vision was that the other chefs are not putting 65 elements on their Quickfire plates. He is adjusting his ideas to be more simple, cause in 2014, "artisanally simple" is the new black. Think Kinfolk and Canal House. Google those and support 'em. Good stuff.

Gail wonders whether they should have been given more time. Tom reminds her that he has opened up two restaurants, made cassoulet, and played American Pie acoustically eight times in a row (perfectly), all in less than this generous half an hour. Amateurs.

Nicholas is trying really hard not to overthink this and then falls right into his old trap of accusing anyone in a fifty yard radius of f---ing with his oven/ fryer temperatures. Shirley calls him a dick. Then she says "cocktail fork" and "Jenga" and someone with an obscure website faints.

3-2-1. Padma calls time, assuming the Vanna White role for today’s competition. Did you know Vanna White is 56? Years of turning letters has made her look 20 years younger. I am building a Wheel of Fortune board to work out on.

Carlos: Grilled Mango with Shrimp and Chili Glaze
Nick: Beef Deckle with Aged Balsamic and Purple Potato Chips
Shirley: Tataki Style Flank Steak with Black Pepper Cherry and Crispy Onions
Nina: Shrimp Escabeche with Potato Aioli and Pickled Shallots

Upsies are Nick and Carlos. They go to the second round in the "Eggplant and Red Peppers" challenge. Carlos wants that eggplant, but the very non-competitive Nick makes a mad dash that gives Ben Johnson (may his reputation RIP) a bad name. So when you get peppers that you didn’t want, you make soup. Meanwhile, Nicholas makes scallops of eggplant, which some vegetarian conglomerate with a lock on the Tofurky market is really damned excited about. Alas, the judges are not so much and give the Toyota to Carlos. You can’t spell Carlos without C-A-R, by the way. Nicolas gets in a couple of complaints for good measure.

ENOUGH WITH THE "CARLOS JUST DOES MEXICAN FOOD"! Look, American food is a toddler in the world of food, still falling all over itself trying to grow up. Mexican food has roots and breadth that we are just now trying to nurture. Why is Mexican food being posited as a narrow scope by these chefs? This really is beginning to bug the hell out of me. But, alas, I am not there. I am probably eating a po' boy at Parasol’s.

Onwards to the Elimination Challenge. Winning dish gets on the Emeril's menus. That is a lot of menus. The aim is to create a dish that shows inspiration from their time in NOLA. Emeril invites them to his place for dinner. Bam. First they go to shopping in Carlos' new Corolla. He makes them all sit in the back.

They are eating at the kid's table in the kitchen. Emeril gives them some BBQ shrimp. I love BBQ shrimp. There is a lot of focus on Carlos' career and dish that he's working on for the challenge. This is called foreshadowing.

They are cooking at Emeril's. Nina talks about how she is deserving of a place in the finals. "Before I even wake up and kiss my husband good morning, I call the restaurant." She is a sleep-telephone-caller.

Nicholas is not bringin' the simple, though he claims to be. Carlos is making a masa-less tamale. There is a deep tradition of tamales in the Delta. Read more about that here. 

Emeril and Tom drop by. They make everyone happy and nervous.

[video_clip_url:http://player.theplatform.com/p/PHSl-B/yT7k3t_YLXoZ/embed/select/7P9v4wi1pdbJ]

Douglas Keane, Andrew Carmellini, and Grant Achatz are the dining companions with Emeril, Tom, Padma, and Gail. If you don’t know who they are you are not paying attention.

[video_clip_url:http://player.theplatform.com/p/PHSl-B/yT7k3t_YLXoZ/embed/select/ADTbN4oCDFAy]

Nina: Speckled Trout with Baby Vegetables and Barbecue Sauce. Nina forgets the one element that the dish did not need. Perfect as is.
Nick: Charred Cobia, Roasted Bass, and Tuna Confit, Crispy Rice and Shrimp Consomme. Great broth, beautiful fish cookery, but Grant says it needs salt.
Carlos: Steamed Seafood Tamal with Saffron Cream Sauce and Pickled Okra. This is an odd plate but they seem to like it.
Shirley: Black Drum, Zhenjiang Vinegar Butter Sauce, Braised Celery, and Mushrooms. Shirley can cook some fish. The Chinese vinegar is a great ingredient to add really pungent acidity. The trinity use of celery, pepper, and onion is smart.

They get to the firing line. Malfatti-gate is a short lived concern. Shirley's sauce was loved and the inclusion of the trinity was smart smart smart. Nicholas made a dish that was beautiful but the fish really did need salt. Carlos' tamale was concerned that the judges were going to eat the banana leaf. Otherwise they loved it.

Winner is Shirley. Look, if cooking is about putting your heart on a plate, than she's got it. Well deserved. Nina is granted a pass to Maui.

It’s down to Nicholas and Carlos. It's a close call on this one.

Carlos gets the axe.

Dear Carlos,

You have shown your mettle through the entire season, but more than that, through your entire life. Go far in this world, and never let them tell you not to cook Mexican food.

All the best,
Hugh