Claudia: "These Double Standards are Killing Me"

WHEW! What trip! First of all I'd like to thank Demetria for inviting us all down to Puerto Rico for her do-over. And honey, what a do-over it was! The rooms were cute and cozy, the weather was amazing, and the pina coladas were fantastic! And on top of all that I really got to know Demetria a little more, and I just adore her. And of course like always I had a great time with Kenya and Cynthia. Those two really know how to have fun, and I appreciate their laid back and easy going demeanor. Our time at the pool was fun -- especially watching Kenya attempt to speak both Italian and broken Spanish to our bartender in an attempt to wrangle up some local cuties!

Dinner…well the evening once again started out fun, fun, fun! I was with my girls Demetria, Kenya, and Cynthia, and it was all so effortless and easy breezy! We were making toasts in honor of our gracious host as well as to new friendships. The tone of the evening certainly changed when the rest of the ladies showed up. I don't think I saw any one of them besides Kandi acknowledge Demetria, our host. Girl, I need these folks to take an etiquette class or something around these parts! But I digress. Things got heated between Demetria and Ms. Parks, and it was all downhill from there. I honestly couldn't understand the treatment of Demetria from Phaedra. On a shady scale from 1 to 10, I give it an 8.

As for the little disagreement I was involved in, Iet's just say it was a fight of words with lots of bobbing and weaving that was capped off with a verbal scalping! Lots of low points and crass things said, and plenty of one sided yelling. I am proud to say that I maintained a calm and classy demeanor throughout and let my wit, not my volume, do my work against several malicious false statements made by the mother hen.

The Full Read-Off: Claudia vs. NeNe, Part 2

Kandi's party was fun as always and it was nice to see all the ladies get along and have fun -- something I think usually is missing when certain people are in the mix. But I will say on that night it was great hanging with all the ladies. I had a great time and was surprised at who excelled and who struggled with the Pass the Potato/dildo game!

The bus ride to Demetria's performance was interesting. First we got the news that one of the women in our group would be stepping in and taking over for Sherri Shephard in the Broadway play Cinderella! That was great news, because I heard that Sherri did her thing, so although those are some big shoes to fill, even getting a chance at that role is huge, and I acknowledge that. Kudos!!!

I guess I should address the argument with Linnethia (Is that how you spell it? One day I will get it right!). I think I showed maturity when I congratulated her on her newest gig, but I felt I'd take that time to also make the point that she is not the only one working. Often times that is her narrative: "I'm the only one that will be left standing. I'm the Queen! I'm the only original! I'm rich! They are not on my level!" I mean it's exhausting to constantly hear these things, but even more laughable that it's being said to a group of women -- the majority of this group has been working on their own long before the phenomenon of reality television. I know I'm dating myself, but I've been a member of the Screen Actors Guild since 1994. I just don't think people that are used to working feel the need to constantly tell everyone that they work. We're all adult women, aren't we supposed to be working? When one behaves like this, it makes it difficult to "give props," yet Cynthia and I both did regardless of the shade.

Some may think I'm a pit bull or that I was wrong for not accepting NeNe's weak apology. Well I don't know how these ladies do it, but where I'm from apologies for bad actions usually come with an explanation so there is an understanding as to why it happened in the first place. That was my entire point for pressing NeNe. I wanted to know why that was the go-to thing to attack me with -- my integrity as a woman. I've experienced lots of things in my life, I know a thing or two about sexual abuse, so for me to be called a "whore" and have someone talking about my private parts is for sure a trigger. I don't want to get into all the ugly details, but let's just say my life was affected by that word, and it is something that cuts me deep. It seems that has followed me throughout my life. Maybe because I am considered somewhat attractive, the go-to insults are "whore, ho, bitch, and slut." I remember not being able to have sex for years after what happened to me, and men getting frustrated with me and again using that word to hurt me when that was the furthest thing from the truth. I wish people would be careful with the words they chose to use, because you never know someone's back story. So I was demanding NeNe tell me why she was calling me a whore, and she refused to answer that question, so that was why it was so difficult for me to accept a simple, "Well, I'm sorry!"

NeNe Apologizes to Claudia...

Now is there a time or occasion when the use of that word is warranted? Absolutely! That should be reserved for women who exchange sexual favors for money or gifts, not because you are losing an argument. When you make these gross declarations on a huge platform, you give the green light for others to follow. I have had hundreds of people repeat this to me since NeNe screamed it at me, and it's not right. And I find it ironic that since then a very false list has been circulating the internet of all these alleged lovers that I'm being linked to, several of which are married to women I am cool with. The timing could not be any more convenient for some. This list is mostly false, not 100% but mostly! Once again, we must be careful with how we characterize one another, ladies. I know that I do not speak on something unless I am damn near 99% certain of it and pretty much know. I encourage others to follow suit.

As for the other lady I fussed with, well, it may have seemed unwarranted and I am sorry about that. I just wanted to make a point that the double standards in this group are crazy! I just don't how for some women it's, "Close your legs to married men," and then to others it's, "Do you girl, get your coins!" It gives me a headache trying to figure out the rules of engagement in this group! Ugh! Can I get a handbook of the rules? Because these double standards are killing me. I need for things to make sense.

Did Porsha Sleep with a Married Man?

I have to say I loved, loved, loved Demetria's performance! I knew she could sing, but I didn't know she could SANG! It almost brought me to tears seeing a beautiful and kind woman living her dream and doing it so damn well! Despite all the shade and negativity she had to deal with leading up to her show, she handled it like a true professional and pushed all that nonsense to the side and flourished. She for sure is an inspiration. Sometimes when I'm down I tend to curl up and hide, but to see Demetria fly high after all the nonsense was inspirational! I will continue to support this woman, and last I heard she was climbing up the iTunes charts and was at number 4! Take that, naysayers!

OK this was my most personal blog so far, and just a taste of things to come. I will continue to try to be an open book so you all can really get to know me. And in the process I hope some who share some of my struggles can feel better about their own and take comfort in knowing that you do not have to feel like you are alone and that you are damaged goods. There is life after tragedy and there are rainbows after the rain. Trust me, I know! I appreciate the love and support from those that have found something in me to relate to. I read all the comments and messages, and I just want to say the love has been overwhelming. Seriously guys and gals! Words cannot express how wonderful you guys have made me feel since joining the show. I love you all! XOXO