What’s up with Adult Women Being Mean Girls? (And Is Ramona Singer One?)

It’s OK — and natural — to not like someone. What’s not OK is making fun of their appearance, or the way they dress, or generally bashing them for their personality traits.

Well, on the latest season of The Real Housewives of New York City, Ramona Singer has had a lot to say about Barbara Kavovit (and her wrap dresses). Not that Barbara seems to care.

According to Dorinda Medley, “Ramona is a mean girl when it comes to Barbara.”

“Ramona just decided early on that she didn’t like Barbara,” she said. “There’s nothing about Barbara’s sensibility, dress, interaction that she liked.”

Sonja Morgan agreed, calling Ramona self-centered.  “Ramona’s becoming a mean girl, she’s full of herself,” she said.

Luann de Lesseps isn’t surprised. “You know Ramona can be very mean girl, so it doesn’t surprise me that she would exclude Barbara right in front of everyone else,” she said. (Watch the RHONY ladies discuss on the After Show in the clip above.)

What’s with adult women being mean girls? Shouldn’t that have passed by now?

According to Newsweek, which actually uses RHONY as an example of mean girls behaving badly, there’s a “persuasive theory about why grown women in the public eye often lash out like immature high schoolers.”

“In our culture we get rewarded for mean-girl behavior, so we see adults behaving in ways that we typically assign to teens … Getting attention is the most important thing,” says the report.

And attention Ramona did get, from both the cameras and her cast mates.

But there's actually a biological reason why grown women aren't supposed to act this way, says the report. “The part of the brain that controls the ability to recognize future consequences of your actions and to choose between good and bad behavior reaches maturity at about age 25. But that doesn't mean a switch flips at 25 and suddenly you are all grown up … on the other hand, we see lots of women in their 30s, 40s, and beyond acting more foolishly than their daughters.”

As for how to deal with mean women, The Chicago Tribune offers the following advice:

“Don't allow yourself to be a target.”

“Examine the episodes of aggression. Look for patterns. Maybe in large groups she is threatened so she puts you down.”

“Confront the woman, but not in an aggressive way. Talk it out in a factual way. Try to keep emotion out of it. Bullies tend to feed on emotion.”

“Choose to stop allowing her negative behavior to have the same effect on you. As it has been said, no one can make a fool of you without your permission.”

“Distance yourself from the queen bee, or sever the relationship if you can.”