The Best Version Of Yourself

I love how this episode starts off with the break-up of Jackie and Mimi. It's nice to have that dark part extricated. And then Jackie can start off fresh. I think that will resonate with viewers. For people who are wondering about Jackie and me, we come together in this episode out of absolute respect and camaraderie. I think that, also, because of me opening my eyes to the lesbian world. It's a really welcoming environment. It's something I've never experienced before. I have questions; and I'm asking them. That's sort of what happens with Victoria when she comes to train with me. But before that, going out with Jackie into that world was very fun. We have a playful sexual energy starting to happen. Was I aware of it developing at the time? I think yes. When we're together there's just a natural flirtatiousness that comes out. She's very adamant about not crossing any line because I'm an employee.

At the party it was very cool of her to come out with that -- the part about me being her type. She said that this is what it is, and that was nice. It's a complicated situation because we are such good friends. Where does the line start and end? It's kind of a gray area. There's no yes or no to what's happening so far. I do want to point out that on the show I say that I've been with women before, but what I really mean is that I made out with a woman before: nothing more. I'd like to be clear on what I meant by that. My conversation with Victoria is really interesting. I think when you start to probe and ask questions you find out that people have past lives and people jump around. And I think we like to categorize people in terms of being gay or straight or whatever; we put them in little boxes. I think more and more, especially since my eyes are more open to it, it all crosses over and bleeds into other categories. I think it's important as a society, especially one that likes to segregate everything; we really are a lot more alike than we think. With Victoria, that was shocking. It's funny when you think you know someone and then you find out about a big chunk of your life.

As for Peeler's fight, I wasn't there for the actual showdown. But I did see Peeler storm out and...peel away. That frightened me because he has a huge truck and I didn't want him to ram it into the house. My opinion on this is that Peeler has every right to feel exactly how he feels. I don't want to take that away from him. But if you believe in your ability and you know that for a fact you're great at what you do, you should be sort of impervious to other people's comments, and kind of rise above it. People can say what they want to say, and at the end of the day, you show up and do your job and that speaks louder than anyone else's opinion.

About weighing our body fat. It's mortifying. It doesn't matter if you weigh 100 pounds or 200 pounds, it's hard. I try not to weigh myself. It was a little scary getting in that dunk tank. As for my bikini, I was trying to keep the clothing to a minimum so it wouldn't effect my weight. I thought Erika looked smokin' hot, by the way. Yeah, I was nervous about that, but you get through it.

It's interesting to me, no matter what size you are feel good and own it. Walk with pride. Certainly, if you want to lose weight and you want to tone up, do it. But whatever you look like at this moment in time you should be proud of. Because you are the best version of yourself.