I Know She Likes Me Better

I was really interested to see how the sushi scene was going to play out this week. I thoroughly enjoyed watching myself talk with a full mouth of food...good times!  When Tiffany came in I thought it was odd, only because it was all trainers, but I was honestly not bothered for a second. Jackie and Tiffany have a history and I respect what they share. There is zero jealousy between us - it's more playful banter. No spite or contempt...EVER!

Emotionally, Jackie and I are very connected. I can only speak for myself, but I was happily exploring this newfound admiration that I had never experienced prior. The trainers' reactions in retrospect were somewhat understandable. I didn't really appreciate the approach that Jesse took in questioning us -- it felt very dark. Like he was coming from a place of jealously rather than concern for his "best friend."

I like Jesse. He cracks me up with his sharp wit. Sometimes I feel he tries to build himself up by putting others down. I LOVE watching him spin his wheels. As far as Jackie hanging with two women at once, well, all parties involved were fully aware of the situation. As long as the lines of communication are open, no one can be faulted. Besides, I know she likes me better. :) OK, I know, sometimes I can be twelve!

I did think it was cool of Erika to leave with me. She didn't really know WHAT was going on with Jackie and I, but she was concerned about me. She thought my feelings might have been hurt. I adore Erika...she really has my back! For the record, my feelings were NOT hurt. I actually had plans with friends that night and had to leave regardless. The scenes with Doug were hard for me to watch this week especially when he was talking about how this would be his last birthday. It's as if he knew on some level he didn't have much longer. That kills me. Nobody knew he was sick at his party. He was so strong and put on such a brave face. I had no idea and it was jokes and laughter, as usual, with us.

I have known Doug for years since we both taught spin classes at the same place in LA. We had a very playful relationship. I always loved to shock him with my antics. I think he appreciated my openness around the more taboo subjects. He is more understated and shy and never has a bad word to say about anyone. Doug was a one of a kind, and watching him each week, along with the rest of you, makes me feel grateful that I got to know him and have him in my life. I think the show does a great job in capturing his beautiful spirit which I know...lives on.