Tamra: Lizzie Is the Worst Kind of Person

I would have to say that overall Bali was a wonderful experience, and I'm trying to find the positive takeaway of what happened at that last dinner. After months of thinking about it and now seeing what actually went down while Heather and I were at the rice fields, this is what I came up with.

Heather is an amazing friend. I will always cherish our friendship and never forget how she stood up for me. Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies. . .You will understand what I mean after you watch the next few episodes.

Look, I am not trying to paint myself as innocent or as the victim at all. I know I throw out a lot of shade and I have NO problem admitting it. What I do have a problem with is being accused of things I never said. I did not say 95 percent of what I was accused of saying -- and what I did say was twisted and taken out of context. Obviously Lizzie had a plan to try and turn everyone against me. Not to mention there is no RECORD of me saying most of the things they accused me of saying. Hmmmm, very interesting!

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For the life of me I have no idea why Lizzie has such a problem with me. I was always so nice to her. One thing that comes to mind is maybe she is used to being the center of attention? So, when things don't go her way she tries to destroy me and even threatens to destroy her own marriage. She can not handle NOT being the princess of O.C., and she will fight for the RHOC crown. Good luck girl I am not giving that up without a fight.

As soon as I did not show up to her birthday, Lizzie changed towards me. It's like she wants me to pay because her birthday sucked. Lizzie is the worst kind of person in my eyes. She is a manipulative person who can lie straight to your face without any remorse. My God, she was sitting in front of six people when she said what she said about Eddie and still she will not own up to it or apologize. Even Heather said "Lizzie I love you but that's not what happened." For example, when she sat there and told me I did not text her or call her about her birthday and Vicki read our entire conversation off my phone to her and she couldn't admit she was lying. I personally felt horrible when I told Shannon I didn't tell Heather about the email and called her immediately to let her know. I was up all night beating myself up and didn't feel good until I had dinner with her.

I invited everyone to go on a bike ride, and last minute they decided that they wanted to stay back and hang out at the spa and pool. . . Hmmmm wonder why?

I thought it was very interesting that the last thing Vicki said to Heather and I was "don't talk about us and we won't talk about you." Heather and I had such a great time at the rice fields, and not once did we bring up the other girls. In fact we felt bad because we were so late getting back.

When I sat down to dinner I knew something was wrong, Vicki kept mouthing across the table "I love you" and she had this very somber look on her face. I was worried that something happened at home and she didn't want me to know about until we finished dinner. I was starting to get anxiety sitting there thinking "OMG what is wrong, did something happen to my kids or Eddie?" I asked Vicki to go to the bathroom so I could talk to her and she refused. Wow what a great friend!

When Shannon came at me with her questions I thought "Are you kidding me, is this what this is all about?" OK here we go!

Did I say Shannon sees green men? YEP, but not exactly how she was told I said it. As you all saw in the flashback, when asked where Shannon heard about "bringing the Beadors down" I jokingly said "I don't know, the green men in her head." That's a little bit different than saying, "Shannon is crazy and she sees green men."

Did i say Shannon drinks too much? Hell yes I said that -- everyone at that table has said that from day they met her. The girl travels with a bar on wheels and I am not joking. Everyone was concerned about her drinking especially because of what she was going through personally.

The thing I find funny is all season Lizzie and Danielle talk so badly about Shannon and David behind her back (stay tuned for more of that on the reunion) with no influence from anyone. Lizzie decided, before she threw me under the bus, that she was going to come clean to Shannon about how nasty she was behind her back and blame me for influencing her. . . That makes her the queen of manipulation -- and I'm not sure they have a crown for that.

Now let's address Brooks: CAN WE NOT LET THIS STORY DIE? I WILL SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL NEVER ADDRESS THIS AGAIN. I did not say anything remotely bad about Brooks this year. Early on I was asked by the new girls about Brooks. I was honest and said I think there is someone better out there for her and that I didn't think he was a good guy. BIG DEAL! Given his past who wouldn't say that? I NEVER EVER convinced Briana not to like Brooks, and she will attest to that. She did not like Brooks years before I ever met him. I am so over being blamed for people not liking Brooks! I think it makes Vicki feel better to blame me because she can't blame her own family. The part that is annoying to me is that I had a talk with Vicki and told her that I would make an effort with Brooks and that I was happy if she was happy. The rest of the season all she did was bash me for not liking Brooks. How the heck do we move on when she won't let it go? It's like she wanted to keep the fight going. Now after watching this season, we are back to square one. I am sorry I ever answered the other ladies' question honestly. From this day forward I will answer: "I'm happy if he makes Vicki happy"

The bottom line is Vicki is my friend and what she allowed to happen in Bali is sick! I would have never allow that to happen to her. I would have pulled her aside and talked to her first, because that's what friends do. When Lizzie told me that Vicki threw me under the bus for not going to her party, I kept quiet and called Vicki on the way home from the party. I did not bash her or believe what Lizzie told me. I guess our friendship meant more to me.

Something just doesn't make sense, why would Vicki even entertain what Lizzie was saying when the day before she was referring to Lizzie and Danielle as "Dumb and Dumber" and now she believing everything they are saying? Is Vicki that gullible or was she in on this whole take down?

There was one lie that I took very personal and felt it was so nasty and hurtful I could not believe something so vile would come out of someones mouth. That was Shannon telling Heather I did not want Heather in my wedding. That is just straight up NASTY and IGNORANT! Why would I have someone in my wedding that I didn't like and why the HELL would she say that. . .to hurt Heather and turn her against me?

I choose to run away because I was ready to say or do something that I would regret. I now wish I would have stayed and kept my composure and gotten my words out. But that is what the reunion is for!

At that moment I had a flashback of Alexis in Costa Rica -- and I want to publicly apologize to Alexis for being any part of that night. I had no idea how bad it hurt to have so many people coming at you like that while being so far from home. But now I do and have learned so much. Like that saying goes -- "karma is a bitch!"

Thank you Heather for being the only one to stick up for me, even when they tried to fill your head with lies. Thank you for being smart enough to see what they were doing. I am sorry I ever doubted you as a friend, and I love you and cherish our friendship. You and Terry are a class act, and I have learned so much from you both. I was honored to have such an amazing friend in my wedding and I know that we will always be friends. I will never look back at my wedding picture and say, "I wonder what happened to Heather."

By no means is Heather anorexic or did I ever say that. Let me start off by saying anorexia is a very serious issue and not something to joke about. But let me fill you in on where that came from and how Danielle took an innocent conversation and twisted it to make me look bad. Danielle was talking to me about how Heather and I maintain our weight after having four kids. We are 10 years older than her and several pounds thinner. I told her that you rarely see us eat on camera only because it simply looks ugly. It's almost worse than crying on camera. Never cute! Someone please tell Eddie that because all he ever does is eat on camera. She took that simple conversation and twisted it -- kinda like everything that comes out of her mouth!

I know I speak before I think too many times. But I am a human with real feelings -- and yes what happened in Bali did hurt, especially since most of it was lies. 2014 has been a very difficult year from me personally,  and I thank my amazing husband for being by my side and keeping me going when I don't want to get out of bed. I love you with all my heart, you are perfect in my eyes. The way you love and treat my kids is precious, and the most sexy thing about you.

You can choose to hold a grudge and let hate bubble within your body and poison your mind, or you can learn how to forgive. There is no correct answer to each circumstance, but only powerful people can gracefully overcome emotionally draining situations with forgiveness. . .Lizzie I'm trying to forgive you.