I Will

Welcome back. . .sorry my blog is a little late this week.

I found it really nice to see Gretchen and Slade taking the necessary steps to see a counselor this week to face their issues head on in their relationship. I saw Gretchen being really honest on her fear of taking on Slade's issues if they were to get married or even have children of their own. Kudos to them. I wish them the best.

I was also proud to see Tamra taking the initiative of wanting to start a workout gym, and having a place and a career to call her own. I have always said, "you will never have to spend a day at work if you love what you do for a living."

It was really hard for me watching Tamra and Alexis go out for a drink to talk. I felt really bad for Alexis when Tamra told her what she thought of her. It's really hard for me to watch people treat others mean. I have a favorite saying, which I love, and that is. . ."just because you say it, doesn't mean it's true."

My thought after watching this was UNCOMFORTABLE. Why can't we all just appreciate everyone for who they are, and why do some people feel the need to tell you what they think of you? How can that be good? Why can't everyone just get along? I loved watching Heather change her name to Dubrow for Terry, and to surprise him with it. I can understand Heather being hesitant early in their marriage of not wanting to change it right away due to her acting career and her "identity." I could see how happy it made Terry, which was so touching. I just love them.

Now onto me. . .As most of you know, I give advice to my clients regarding insurance, retirement planning, and small business consultation for a living. I feel I am very good at it, and through the past 20 years have many awards and recognitions to prove it. During my personal appearances across the country, I also give advice. In the next few weeks, I will be in Las Vegas speaking before a ballroom of over 500 women in business about their retirement planning and budget counseling called "The Women's Money Conference." This conference is sponsored by The International Association of Working Mothers and is presented by the Nevada State Treasurer's Office. The first words I will tell them is something you will see I must also do myself: Face your fears and only YOU control your own destiny.

In this week's episode, I told Brooks that Briana called him an "opportunist." Is he an opportunist? Absolutely not! Does Briana think he is? She said yes -- but there is more to her anger and it is not just about Brooks.

There have been continuous reoccurring issues with Briana's fear of abandonment which stems from her biological father -- and from Donn. Briana has never really wanted to deal with this head on, and I feel she was comfortable knowing that I was just "settling" in my marriage and my just settling wouldn't upset her home life.

Now that Briana (and Michael) are adults, I have decided to make changes for my future, and this is hard for my kids to digest. Mike seems to be handling it much better than Briana, but I know it's hard on both of them. Briana said some pretty awful things about Brooks in our fight last week, and all of it was untrue. Fact is, he has four children but NOT with three different women. It is with two women, and she hurt him and his children by saying that. Fact of the matter is, he has three children with his ex-wife and they live in Mississippi, and a son that is three years old that lives with an ex-girlfriend in another state. He loves his four children and is an excellent father, which is one of the things that attracted me to him.

The kids and I have had a tough year with a lot of changes, and it's been difficult for all of us. What you the viewers are seeing now, was filmed over seven months ago. Both of us were hurt, and both of us were scared of all the changes going on. Briana getting married so quickly and myself dating someone new brought lots of raw emotions. Unfortunately the cameras captured everything -- the good and the bad.

My issues are I am hurt that Briana would speak to me in the way she did, as she has never done that before. We have always had an amazing respectful relationship and have never ever disrespected each other. I am hurt that she would be so critical, when I certainly could be much more critical of her decision to marry so quickly in a very bad way -- but I didn't, nor will I.

What you saw last week and even this week is a part of my life that was dark and I wish it never happened. Unfortunately it did, and I have to face it head on. I am the type of mother who is going to persevere, face my fears, admit when I'm wrong, and compromise when I need to. My children are my first priority, and I won't let anything come in between us. My children are "my life" and always will be. What you do see this season is second in line after my children, my focus is on my future and my happiness. As most of you know by now, I am dating Brooks who is an amazing man and makes me very happy. However, the show and backlash from others have made it very difficult on us. We are taking things slow, enjoying our time together, and we have both our eyes wide open. I love spending time with him, and, for the first time in my life, I have a completely honest relationship. I have no idea what our future holds, but what I do know is he's a very caring sweet man who truly loves me -- and who is not getting a fair opportunity to say his viewpoints. At the end of the day, I am just a girl. I am a girl that just wants to be loved and respected -- probably the same as most of you reading this.

As most of you know by now, I work really hard, but what you see on the show really doesn't really tell the whole story. I have an insurance business and I have a career. I have two teams and sometimes I wonder if there should be two of me. I am now at the phase of my life where I am enjoying my life and actually have someone who loves me like I love him. Brooks is not an opportunist. He is not in this relationship for my money -- and does not control me. I made a promise to myself not too long ago that never again would anyone ever control me or even determine my destiny. I am in control of my life and I like it that way. . .and I'm am not going to ever change that.

I admit I am not very good at marriage or at least haven't been up until now. Marriage has not been good to me. I have high expectations, and I believe that's what we should demand in a marriage. Many years ago when I was in my late twenties, I went to a counselor contemplating divorcing my first husband who was an alcoholic. I remember the women telling me about the "3 As": Abuse, Adultry, Addiction.

She told me if any one of those three were in your marriage or relationships that it is Biblically and more importantly "OK" to divorce if your partner refused to take the necessary steps to make changes. These are my standards and they have stayed with me since I was 28 years old. I will not compromise on this nor should I. I encourage all of you not to as well

Maybe sometimes I am not easy to love because there are a lot of asteroids that are always coming my way right now. What most people DO know about me is I am not a quitter, and I don't give up or give in easily. I am a fighter. Here I am at 50 now, finding myself back to being a single mom with two wonderful adult children, whom I love with every bone in my body and who in return love me and the challenges that face us.

Yes, I am facing my fears and I'm not running away from them. Uncertainty is always around all of us and I sure don't know where my future is headed. What I do know is my life is under construction, and the final product is no where near finished. I am confident I can make my last half of my life be all that I want it to be. . .and I will. You will see soon enough that I am a woman of my word.

On a happier note, I am so proud to announce that I hosted a formal wedding celebration for Briana and Ryan in Santa Barbara on a beautiful sunny day overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

All of our families were there and their close friends. Both Donn and I walked her down the aisle, and Ryan wore his Marine Corps suit. Briana was glowing and the most beautiful bride I had ever seen. I went "all out" for her and we danced to a song that I had our band "Killing Time"/Brad Johnson rewrite for me of "Mommy's Little Girl" by Tim McGraw. There wasn't a dry eye at the reception. Life is good for our family now, and I am blessed to have had the resources to throw Briana the wedding of her dreams. I hope you enjoy some of the pictures (SEE THE ALBUM NOW).

I wish all of you a very Happy Memorial Day weekend. Please be safe, and don't drink and drive.

Don't forget about checking out Tamra's and my new wine club membership at WinesbyWives.com and become a member! It's fun!

As always, please contact us if you are in the need of any life insurance rates or if you have any 401K rollover needs. Visit my website at VickiGunvalson.com for more information.

Lastly, if you happened to be in Las Vegas the weekend of May 31st, come say hi to me and remind me about "facing your fears." I will help you face your fears just the way I do daily.

Warmly,
Vicki Gunvalson
VickiGunvalson.com