The Road to Forgiveness

Hi everyone!!! First of all Happy Love day! I am so sorry I missed blogging last week but I have been in New York since the 5th (still here btw) running around like a crazy lady working my butt off! So this blog will be a combo blog (AKA-supersized) Let me first start off by saying I am so excited and honored to be a part of a show that has such an amazing fan base! Can you believe we are in our seventh season? I believe that is solely due to amazing fans who continue to watch and find our crazy lives entertaining! I want to sincerely thank all of you for your support and love of the original franchise through all these seasons! With that said, I think this is going to be a great season! So many changes happen this season that I don't think you guys will be expecting.

Now let's talk about last week's episode and the question everyone keeps asking me about: Tamra and my new found relationship. . .Well we certainly weren't expecting it either! However I will explain the two things that happened to me that changed my thinking towards her.

First as I watched myself last season on the show I saw a woman that wasn't me. I saw a woman that was angry, resentful, and had become negative in some ways. I have always been an upbeat positive person and I realized that I no longer wanted to allow anyone to rob me of my own joy. No matter how bad the pain, no matter how harsh the accusations, I just realized I had to let it go in order for my own spirit to repair itself.

Secondly, literally an Act of God helped change my way of thinking. Now I am far from a bible beater however I am a Christian. I believe in what the Bible promises us, and I believe in what my Pastor Rick Warren delivers to us in his messages. I was attending church after the reunion show one weekend and the sermon was about forgiveness. He said "When we do not allow ourselves to forgive we only hurt ourselves." This resonated with me deeply. I said quietly in my chair to the big guy upstairs, "But God I don't want to have to forgive and I just want to stay mad." However I was so sick of feeling the way I had been feeling for months regarding this show. So then I asked, "How could I even begin to forgive when I have so much anger, hurt, and frustration towards someone?" That's when the healing began. I started receiving my daily devotionals from SaddleBack.com talking about this exact subject. It was as if God was sending me an email everyday letting me know how to work through the pain and hurt. It was a great lesson to learn because in that process it allowed the walls to break down. It also allowed me to see what I did wrong and to ask for forgiveness as well. Now we all have our own ways of healing and I am not claiming this is the best method for everyone. I am simply sharing what transpired in my own life in order to come to a place of peace with Tamra. I have received many tweets and messages (as I am sure Tamra has received as well) from people who are concerned, confused, and almost angry at me for being friends with her. Although this makes me appreciate you all even more knowing how much you truly do care about me, please rest assured that at this point it was a great decision and I am so grateful that Tamra and I could forgive one another and get to know one another all over again without any outside influences affecting us. Thus the reason you see me tell Slade that I am doing this for me and not to hurt him in any way. That doesn't mean Tamra and I don't hit some bumps along the road or question if we can really learn to trust one another again. However I value the new friendship we have found. Seriously it does sound like we are dating. . .doesn't it? LOL

So now let's talk about the new girl! We all meet Heather for the first time and I have to say, when I first meet Heather at Vicki's party I was not really a fan. Not because of anything other than the fact that unfortunately she came off a little pretentious when I first interacted with her. It also sounded a little materialistic to me when she said to my girlfriend Sarah, "A man asking you to marry him is not enough. He needs to make a financial commitment and buy a ring." I don't necessarily agree with that. I mean what about all those couples out there that can't afford a ring at all? Does that make their commitment any less meaningful?

Then the second incident that rubbed me the wrong way was when she said to Tamra "she's cute" about me as if I wasn't sitting right in front of her and hearing her say that. I normally don't mind someone saying I am cute. However, normally I am hearing it from a boy first off, and the way she delivered that statement seemed kind of demeaning. However I learn later on that these "verbs" Heather often uses to describe people are terms of endearment and not meant to be demeaning at all. Then it's a little obvious by my expression that I was thinking, "Is she serious right now?" when she started to tell her engagement story. Bottom line, I don't get along with or want to be around pretentious people. They just rub me the wrong way, and I was afraid that was where this ship was sailing. Thus my statement to Slade of saying that I think I am going to have to pull the stick out of her arse!

In all fairness to Slade his comment back to me about the age difference between us was simply about being protective over me, not meant to offend all the people in their 40s or above. Thankfully Slade and I got to see a whole new side to Heather, which was her husband Terry (haha, no I'm just kidding). The next few times I spend with Heather I get to know her a lot better so be sure to watch and see what happens and find out how our relationship unfolds.

BTW, how adorable is the footage of Terry, her and kids this episode? Loved it!

Vicki's party was beautiful. When I saw her she looked happy and I was so happy for her! I also thought it was a cute idea to celebrate her new love by bringing his kind of food to Southern California. We were all having a good time and being silly about the way the food was being presented to us, and just for the record none of us were angels here! Obviously I am a goofball and had a lot of very strong opinions about the food, so of course you saw plenty of my statements and flamboyant facial expressions. No matter what, I can see now how that could of come off offensive to Vicki and I apologize for that. It was truly not done to be rude. We were all just having true authentic reactions to the food and especially how it was being presented. However, the Scorpio in me cannot help but notice the irony in Vicki's snide remarks of how disrespectful we were to her as the host. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't having a themed-out "Southern Celebration in honor of my new love" party a tad bit disrespectful to the man you were married too for 16 years who is still technically living there with you? I am not quite sure she should be judging our etiquette at her party when it probably would have been proper etiquette (not to mention a lot more respectful to Donn) to have this "celebration of her new love" party at a different location. Listen I actually like Vicki, however her actions sometimes make me wonder if possibly Vicki is just reading a different version of the an etiquette book -- one that states you should hold the way you treat your dinner host in higher regard then the way you treat your husband of 16 years.

Now remember this about my raw point of view at the time we were filming. This doesn't always mean we still carry those same feelings as of today. So by explaining at this point in time that I was constantly feeling like the rules only apply to everyone else but herself, it will start to shed light on why I might finally have enough in the upcoming episodes.

Obviously the tension between Alexis and Peggy made for some uncomfortable moments that evening however I do believe I stated how I felt about that situation pretty clearly in this episode.

However I can say by experience with this group that just because someone makes a claim about another person it doesn't always mean it is true. I think sometimes the viewers forget this. The popular thing about this show is that people tune in to see these flamboyant woman who are very opinionated and have a lot to say about the others. The bad thing about this show is someone can make up anything they want about you even if it is not based in facts, research, or truth. Unfortunately it seems some have no regard for how their statements could affect another. I don't play that way. I like to poke fun. Bottom line, we all have opinions about everything, but I only hope and pray my integrity always comes first before I speak about another in a light that I know could potentially be very detrimental to them, their family, business, or well-being.

All I have to say about the trip to Catalina with Tamra and Vicki is wow! Looks like a fun weekend went to hell and a hand basket once the alcohol started flowing. I am happy I wasn't on that boat! I am excited to pull out the popcorn next week and watch what happens there!

Always fun to see Alexis with her little munchkins! Kids are always so dang honest aren't they? I love seeing parents with their kids! Makes me happy and always puts a smile on my face!

Finally, this episode you see me arrive on set for the ad campaign that I was asked and honored to do for the Breast Cancer Charities of America. When they called and asked me to participate they asked me to bring something that was relevant to me or had meaning to me, thus the pink purse idea was born! This bag thankfully was such a hit with everyone it inspired me to create an entire pink travel collection! I am so excited that my passion of designing these handbags can now help benefit such a great cause and I can give back with my Gretchen Christine Lines. Please be sure to visit my personal website to get all the details about this collection (including the final picture that was used), when it will be available, and how to get on an interest list for these pieces. We are talking to your local large retailers right now about possibly carrying the bags as well, so be sure to let them know you would like to see the bags come to their stores. The more requests the more they will want to carry them. I made a post earlier today on facebook about this collection and have already received such a great response, so thank you.

As you can see from the footage for some reason this was a little nerve racking for me to do. I felt very vulnerable that day, I arrived with no make-up, my hair not done, and then had to get naked all the while cameras rolled for an international audience of people to see. This is the most raw I think you guys have ever seen me. (Feel free to keep your comments to yourself, LOL.)

Listen for any of you that have been watching Slade and I now for the last three years and still don't get my sense of humor by now in regards to my silly statements about Slade then I give up! I mean come on, you see me laughing my ass off every time I deliver an obnoxious line like "He's still my b---h." You will all be relieved to know that Slade dishes it right back to me all day long. We are best friends first and foremost and get each other and our sense of humor. We constantly tease one another but you can see how much we truly love one another just by footage like in tonight's episode when he comes home with dinner. Everyone communicates differently and I am not saying you all have to agree with the way we do it, however it works for us. I know it can look like I am emasculating Slade at times, but not to worry that is not how Slade feels and that is all that matters to me. I constantly praise him, take care of him, love him, and constantly remind him how important and special he is to me! Slade could get way too many good looking woman, and leave my ass if he was really that miserable. Oh and just for comfort, know that he also has too much integrity to stick around if he was being treated poorly or if he felt I was sincerely emasculating him. For all of you who are asking, Slade has a job again and is doing very well and I couldn't be more proud of him! He is the most amazing, loyal, loving, thoughtful partner I could have ever asked for

As this season unfolds I will continue to open the doors into my life and my heart and show you sides of me you probably didn't know were there (especially within the music space). I hope you enjoy this journey with me.

Know that I personally run my Twitter and Facebook pages and try to respond to every one of you as best I can (some work days it is just impossible). However I do read all your sweet messages and tweets and try to answer all the questions that come into my personal site, so please feel free to interact with me on one of the social media outlets!

Thanks again for the continued support and love!

Till next week