Diva, Diva, Beyonce

Hello Orange County fans. This week is all about performance art, or the art of the performance. Gretchen was finally preparing for her PCD performance, Alexis pondered her career, and Heather hovered around the idea of coming back to acting. Let's see what became of our thespians. . .

Foxy Ladies
We open with Gretchen visiting Alexis at home. Alexis wants to get Gretchen's input on her recent Fox Five appearance – and as it turns out Gretchen is a great person to get an opinion from. You see, Gretchen was offered the job at Fox Five first. Alexis is shocked first by this news, and then secondly by Gretchen’s decision to mention it to her. It doesn’t seem like Gretchen was trying to be vindictive, but one wonders if it could have gone without saying. . .the tension between these two is starting to make me nervous.

Gretchen suggests that Alexis try a hosting coach, which never hurts. Let’s all learn something new every day, just like Alexis admitted that the learned that her boobs were popping out of that shirt. . .

So Alexis tosses the idea to Jim that she start training for her role at the station. There's still the lingering issue of where her careers fit into the marriage contract. Jim's worried the part-time responsibilities will spin out into full-time, but Alexis doesn't want to be a stay-at-home mom anymore. I guess Jim's just going to have to deal.

Botox, Eh?
Meanwhile, in her own career kerfuffle, Heather is rushing to get to an audition. After taking a break to raise her kids, Heather’s ready to feel out the thespian waters again, and so she’s off to toss her fancy hat into the ring of a potential series.

Did anyone else fear that Natalie was still driving dropping Heather off? It was a visual confusion with the car behind her, but I was like "Dang, she must be so for that audition that home girl isn't even going to stop the car." Talk about dedication to your craft

After her audition, Heather gives Terry the lowdown -- casually mentioning that the show shoots in Canada. It's interesting to see the same couple's conversation occur between Heather and Terry as with Alexis and Jim. Terry is super supportive, but wants Heather to really think the process through. The problem seems to be that Heather hasn’t decided what she wants. She gets heart pangs when she sees other people on TV and the kids can always just come to Canada. As of now, the best plan seems to be continue living in a reality distortion field until something forces their hand. Like the need for Terry to start giving Canucks plastic surgery ("Botox, eh?" was a divine joke. Seems like Terry's rubbing off on Heather's comedic stylings.)

Feeding the Elephant
From underneath her pile of Slade’s socks, Gretchen calls her fellow ‘Wives to see if they plan on heading to Vegas for her PCD performance. (Also of note: Slade is wearing his “Housewife Hunter” shirt, so good to know he’s getting the full wear of that, or perhaps he just had it on because it was laundry day). Gretchen wants everyone to be there – including Vicki. Tamra wants Gretchen to stop folding clothes until she’s engaged – so there’s a lot of ultimatums in that there pile of whites.

And as we see soon enough, with the aid of her headband-wearing employee, she's packing her bag to head to Vegas. Her plans is to leave the elephant that was the bunco party in the room, feeding it occasionally, but not bringing up the past drama. Seems like a decent plan. . .

I really want to know if Slade's assertion that "once a Pussycat Doll, always a Pussycat Doll" is correct. It sounds a little bit like the presidency, in which you always wear that mantle, and that sounds right to me. Let no man take your ability to writhe at PCD level away from you Gretchen. You've earned your sultry stripes.

And how do you earn those stripes? By training with the most amazing choreographer ever, Mikey Minden. Seriously, I love this man. I want him to make workout tapes where he rattles off diva names to the tune of various songs (walk, walk, diva BEYONCE!). The rehearsal didn't really go delightfully (except for Mikey's parts), so Gretchen's nerves are extremely high. We'll have to wait until next week to see how this shakes out, but I'm confident that Gretchen can pull this together in the few hours she has.

Confucius Says
Once the gang arrives, Vicki and Gretchen are surprisingly cordial to each other. Vicki's plan is to "be nice, it confuses them." And it works. I feel disoriented (and delighted) already.

Meanwhile, Alexis decided to get her makeup done for the big night, and it turned out amazingly -- though not for any reason you would think.

Cannot. Deal. What happened? How do you even get grey foundation right that unless you are the makeup artist for The Walking Dead?

Over dinner, Brooks explains his affirmations for Vicki, which the rest of the gang seems also confused by. However, Vicki loves his philosophy. These two are like Socrates and Plato, except in love!

And teaser -- we don't see Gretchen's big performance until next week! Are you nervous? Do you think Mikey will step in if something goes wrong? Do you think Mikey will perform anyway? Leave your performance predictions in the comments.