My Own Island

The latter half of the bunco party was not exactly what I was prepared for to say the least.

It was interesting to me that Jim was the only "significant other" not invited. Tamra invited Slade, who demolished her on stage the week prior, but didn't invite Jim? That seems twisted. Tamra claims that she invited all of the men, but let me set the record straight: Jim was NEVER invited. To say that he was is a flat out lie.

The fight between Vicki and Slade is just a flipping mess. UGH! I honestly felt stuck in a horrible spot because I could see both sides to this argument. Yes, Vicki did call Slade a deadbeat dad, and has even said some horrible things in the past about Jim and myself. However, that that doesn't mean we have free reign to open fire willy-nilly either. I don't like how Tamra and Vicki treated Slade and Gretchen in the past about Slade's child support, and how in the past neither Tamra or Vicki seemed to care that Slade's precious son was so ill. Yet I felt bad knowing Vicki's daughter was going in for surgery, and that Vicki was so terribly worried about Briana. It stinks that she was at a bunco party defending her looks to Slade and others -- how insignificant at that moment! It was just horrible. I know Slade was harboring hurt feelings about what Vicki had done and said, and I know Vicki was truly hurt by Slade's comedy routine, so I just wanted to hug both of them.

The next thing I know, I clearly hear Tamra, Terry, Heather, and Gretchen discussing my nose surgery. Why would Gretchen even mention my surgery to that group? What purpose did that serve? How foolish and juvenile! First off, it's no one else's business what procedure I'm getting done. Why does everyone seem so interested in my personal life when I'm not including them in it? Yes, I have been talking about a nose job for years, but I have NEVER HAD THE NERVE TO DO IT! There is a reason I've been talking about it and never followed through with it. . .it's called fear! I have the right to get whatever surgery I want, and I think we can all see that I'm not one to hide anything I want to have done. So when Tamra says "Just own it," HELLO! I am owning it. I'm doing the procedure on national television. . .I don't think there is any hiding in that! Yes, I'm defensive because all of you are talking about me! That would make anyone defensive, and frankly, buzz off! I'm not looking for a fight. But Heather sure is willing to start fights, giving her opinion every single time it's not asked for!

For Heather and Terry to claim they did not who "Lex" was. . .um, I'm not buying that. She is trying to make it seem like I'm the one who's the airhead. Well, she should stop using such bookish ways of communicating and begin to understand that perhaps she isn't quite as perceptive and intelligent as she thinks she is. Lex is short for Alexis, just as Gretch is short for Gretchen, and Heath would be short for Heather, Tam is short for Tamra, and Vic is short for Vicki. But let's not forget, Heather comes from a different, more learned culture that is far above all of us, so they probably do not use abbreviated names in the imagined land of academia where she makes every effort to believe she lives. . .while married to a plastic surgeon in Orange County.

The most difficult part of this entire evening is seeing Gretchen turn on me. Last year she would have stood up for me if Tamra was attacking me. I have been by Gretchen's side for two years now. Gretchen says she didn't get involved because I was handling myself just fine, and that I never got in the middle of she and Tamra. I spent numerous occasions defending Gretchen to Tamra, especially in group settings. The bottom line is, if anyone I knew, friend or not, was talking about Gretchen the way Tamra was talking about me that night, I would have defended Gretchen. I knew at that moment I was on my own island. It really hurts my heart to know that I don't have Gretchen to back me. Only time will tell if our friendship can sustain.

Donn and Bri in the kitchen was a cute moment. I'm so glad to see he is doing OK. Divorce is not easy on anyone, and I know it takes two. It's obvious Briana and Donn have a great relationship!

The next bit with my family is one of my all time faves. I was so excited to get that delivery of my two dress samples from my production manager. In order to minimize my trips to Los Angeles, I have Clio, my production manager, overnight them to me the day they are finished. Once I receive them and try them on, I then make the trip to Los Angeles, to my second appointment with my pattern maker to make all necessary adjustments to them. I laughed throughout this scene, because like any mother, I truly think I have the world's cutest daughters! The way they twirled around and wanted to wear Mommy's heels was epic! And the look in James' eyes as daddy was hugging him was priceless.

It was really difficult for me to watch Jim dropping me off for surgery. All those butterflies came back instantly. The thought of any surgery being done on my face just terrifies me. It seems like I shouldn't care, since botox doesn't scare me, however it's a completely different animal when knives, a hammer, and anesthesia are involved. Jim was so sweet. He is such an amazing husband, and he always finds calmness when I cannot. He is my strength, and he is my rock when I need him. I felt a little better when Jim prayed for me, but I just couldn't seem to shake the fear. I knew deep down in my gut that I needed this nasal septal reconstruction so badly, but I honestly didn't want to go through with it. Stay tuned, because next week it will be apparent to everyone why I was so concerned. I had a lot of more serious issues than my cat scan showed. Dr. Niccole was even surprised by what he found.

Did anyone notice that Terry, "Mr. Plastic Surgeon," does not know exactly where the sinuses are? At bunco he was pointing to my high cheek bone, claiming that was where the sinuses were. Yet Dr. Niccole clearly refutes Terry's version of anatomy by drawing dots on the true location of my sinuses. Just sayin'. . . 

I struggle every week when I write my blog because I want to refrain from being mean, or getting caught up in the gossip. Some weeks I can do it, others, not so much. Sometimes I feel so beat up that I use the blog as my way of venting. I never want to be the mean-spirited, attacking person; however, I do have a right to state the facts. If someone is going to make accusations about me, you better bet your bottom dollar that I will state the truth. Just because someone has the audacity to state claims does not make them the expert, and I will never go down without a fight.

I love my fans like crazy and thank you all for being there through the thick and thin!

Alexis