A Puppy Princess Party

Hello dog and royalty lovers! It's a beautiful, "Simon"-tattoo free day in Orange County. Let's discuss exactly what it takes to have a Puppy Princess Party shall we?

Gone to the Dogs
Alexis has decided to throw the twins a "princess puppy party." This is a genre of parties that I think is sorely under represented. I don't hear enough about parties that combine these two wonderful things -- canines and classicism. I wonder if there was a rival "cats and princes" party down the street. At least that's an idea for their fifth birthday.

Anyway, once Alexis had been spray-tanned, the furniture had been moved, and all is in order, it's time for the big event. Alexis has rented several puppies for the affair, with promise to return them after the party -- a fact I'm sure her kids will weep openly about once the day ends.

But before that, the princesses arrive, the bell is rung, and Alexis tells the tale of her baby girls' entrance into the world.

It's not a fourth birthday party until Demerol is discussed. Now bring on the puppies! Adopt them if you wish! Take the puppy you've convinced your parents to adopt with you on the carriage ride.

I'd be remiss not to mention that when I was a kid I had a party where goldfish were the party favors, and even those seemed too high maintenance for parents to take. I ended up raising about 10 of them. I'd love to know exactly how many tots took home dogs from Alexis' party. Hopefully those kids are more convincing than my friends were.

Alexis on the other hand, was more concerned about taking that baby home. . .

Diamonds Are For Later
Despite Gretchen's dad's protest, Slade decided to go ring shopping. And, since you can't make a purchase without a Fancy Pants opinion, Heather comes along. Heather admits that picking out diamonds is right in her wheelhouse, and I have to say I'd entrust her taste in engagement rings fully. Heather is proud of Slade's commitment to Gretchen, and even if he hasn't fixed his issues yet, they still have the entire engagement to figure it out.

After selecting a ring that will blind people whenever Gretchen waves, Slade wonders if he could perhaps use a faux gemstone for now and then swap in something better when he can. Er, buddy. Maybe just go with something simpler then. A nice band could do the trick, and let it just be about you loving her and wanting to go to the next step -- whenever that might be.

And so when Heather sits down for a little chat with Gretchen, it's about more than just Heather's fabulous house and her bathroom sitting room. The gals get to discussing Slade's situation and how Gretchen really feels about what he has must do before they wed. Gretchen is worried that history will repeat itself and her marriage with Slade will be plagued with the same financial issues her first marriage was. But, despite all those hang ups, she can't imagine not being with him.

Heather recommends seeking counseling, and it seems like maybe they do need to have a bigger conversation about the rest of their lives together -- or apart.

In other Heather news – hang in there lady. You'll get the next role, and as you said, it was meant to be or not be as it was.

The Finger Didn't Mean a Thing
While Heather's busy dealing with what goes on people's fingers, her husband is trying to get something off of Tamra's -- her Simon tattoo.

Unfortunately, her nervous diarrhea is really slowing up the process. . .

However, after a couple of quick bathroom trips, Terry bravely goes where lasers can't. It looks terrifying, but it's the final symbol of her relationship with Simon.

Now that her finger is former lover free, Eddie can toss a ring on it. Tamra is worried about how integrating her children into their relationship will affect things -- but Eddie did his best to assuage her fears over dinner. There was something so sweet about Eddie saying he would have left "a long time ago," if that was the case. He loves her, no matter what comes with it. And nothing Simon is currently doing will change what they've built together.

Especially now that her Franken-finger is ready for a ring. Get ready Eddie (and from your boner talk you might already be)!

Mother Knows Best
Vicki, meanwhile, is still dealing with the Briana wedding fallout. Vicki's brother Billy is there, to help her go through the transition. Vicki's still scared that everything was too fast and that since their relationship wasn't built on counseling and years of trust that they'll find problems as they go down the line. Billy does try to reassure Vicki by saying it's already happened, and that they as a family just have to go with it.

And so when Vicki went to Briana's, I was hoping for the best. Can't we all embrace our current turn of events and move on together?

No dice as it seems.

Briana had no qualms about saying exactly what she feels about Brooks, and needless to say Vicki is less than pleased. It's going to be a tough road to double dating for these two.

Next week, everyone confronts their issues head on: Slade and Gretchen head to couple's therapy, while Tamra goes straight for the jugular about Alexis' phony attitude.