Still Hurting

This week's episode caught you up on what everyone is doing. Seems like a lot has changed in everyone's life in a year.

Fernanda has really been a great friend to me during my divorce. When I met Fernanda two years ago in Laguna Beach we instantly clicked. After we started talking, we found out that we both share the same best friend (Marcos) but had never met each other, which was very strange. I heard Macros talk about Fernanda but had never met her. As you all know by now, Fernanda and I joke around a lot, which I find out in the future is really not fair to her since she is a lesbian and I am not... Keep watching!

It was great to see Vicki in Seattle with "her people." She really shines when she is working. You can tell she loves her job and her kids very much. Briana was cracking me up with all her comments.

After eight months in a small two bedroom apartment, my lease was up and it was time to find something bigger. I'm sure you all remember Marcos, my real estate partner and dear friend from past seasons. He agreed to go with me and help me out. It was important to find something close to the kids' school and their dad's house in a neighborhood where they can play with other kids. What was not important was to break the bank getting something big and fancy. As a single mother and the sole supporter of my family, the fancy things have to take a back seat.

Moving into my boyfriend's old house was not even an option for me, just to weird! I think Macros took me there just to be funny and get my reaction on camera. Eddie thought it was pretty cool to see the first house he bought on TV. He also agreed it would have been too weird to have me living in the house he shared with his ex-wife.

Things got really weird between me and Alexis when I split from Simon. He really leaned on them a lot and attended church with them often. I personally was happy that he had their support during that difficult time. But after hearing some comments, it made me feel like they were taking sides, and I backed off and had little communication with her. Then I got a phone call from Alexis on what would had been my twelve year wedding anniversary. She told me that Simon was at their house with a new girlfriend, and she felt I needed to know from her and not someone else. I appreciated her phone call, and I know her heart was in a good place, but it was very awkward after not talking for months. Even though both Simon and I had moved on, the phone call came at a bad time because it was my wedding anniversary and my heart was hurting already. But now I know she was not trying to make me feel bad.

The funny thing about divorce is, even though you split and move on, it still continues to hurt. The healing process is long and hard. One day I'm dealing with my own emotions, and the next I'm dealing with the kids' emotions, which breaks my heart.

I started to hear a lot of comments about what Jim had said about me from a lot of people around Orange County. Things that were not only mean, but down right nasty. Simon even told me to stay away from them, his exact words were, "They are not your friends." So that has really put a wedge between me and Alexis. How can you hang out with a friend when you don't care to be around their husband? My talk with Alexis at the gym was out of concern. I do see a lot of similarities in our marriages. I am glad that she has been taking more time for herself and is becoming her own person. I think a lot of men like to take ownership of their wives and women forget that they can be a wife, mother, and their own person too. I wish them only the best.

Next week you will get to meet Eddie, the love of my life. I can't wait to see if you love him as much as I do.

Xoxo,

Tamra