Soul Searching

A few notes on Part II. Yes, I did suffer from postpartum. It's not a laughing matter, it's not something someone can just make up, and my postpartum was actually diagnosed before Peggy's. The fact that Tamra would try to make fun of someone else's misfortunes again shows her character. Postpartum is not something someone is excited to have, or something someone wants to go brag about. It's also not something someone would try to compete about with a friend...I mentioned my postpartum in SEVERAL interviews for other media outlets in the past whenever questions prompted my postpartum to be discussed. My first year of doing this show, the problems with my postpartum never came up. And yes, I had an eating disorder too, but I'm not questioning Gretchen's sincerity just because my eating disorder has been discussed last month and now Gretchen is out talking about her past eating disorder. A reality show is only a snip-it of your entire life, and if neither of my past problems are currently occurring, why would they necessarily come up from the start? 

I did recognize after watching this entire season unfold, that it seems I made several harsh comments towards Peggy. Doing a reality show is very introspective, so after really soul searching as to why I would ever act the way I did towards Peggy, I have come to this conclusion. From the minute Peggy asked me to turn her name in to the producers (yes, SHE came  to ME about WANTING to be on the show, I never ASKED Peggy to try out), Peggy became a different person. The best example of this is when she KNEW Jim was not going to show up to her dinner party, and she walks up to me seeing that I'm already having a hard time answering all of the questions about where Jim is and says, "Alexis, where' s Jim? Oh please, he knew about this a month ago..." So instead of my friend covering for me, or helping me when I'm already struggling, Peggy pours salt in my wounds for her five minutes of fame. So with that said, every single time we filmed together, Peggy constantly looked for things to be mad at me about. She was constantly trying to stir the pot for airtime.  She was quickly becoming a drama queen. I was also harboring a little anger about the fact that when I first got this show, Peggy made snide remarks to me about how she can't believe I would ever do the show, that it was something she would NEVER do. So for her to be that rude to me last year about doing the show, and then all the sudden deciding it was the cool thing to do and try out this year... It just didn't sit well with me. Add that to the fact that she was constantly out in the press talking about how I didn't turn her name in because I didn't want her to steal the spotlight. Well hello, Peggy, it's FIVE of us on this show, so it's impossible for you to steal anyone's spotlight. We all have 1/5 of the spotlight, sweetie pie. In the back of my head I was also still upset that she had kept her past relationship with Jim from me. In my mind I was ticked off because here I had forgiven Peggy for keeping a HUGE secret from me, and she was constantly reminding me that I didn't turn her name in for the show, which is something I fully admitted and apologized to her for over and over again. I was so worried about this show wrecking our friendship, and it did just that. It's really sad because true friendships should be able to endure anything. However a reality show will bring anyone's true colors out. Isn't it funny that we were close as ever last year BEFORE she got on the show, but this year, now that she is on the show, our friendship is over? 

Now, moving on to the most controversial matter at hand -- Peggy and Jim dating fifteen years ago. I must first tell all of you that from the minute Jim and I became boyfriend/girlfriend eight years ago, we told each other we would not discuss our past relationships. This went both ways. We both knew that we had both been married once before, we both had past relationships, and neither of us wanted to know the details about those past relationships. This is not keeping secrets from each other. We both had exes in the same town, and we didn't want to discuss details. If one of us asked the other about a certain person, then of course we would tell all, but if neither of us asked, we didn't really care to know. This was an agreement Jim and I BOTH felt was important. So if there were ever a time that I would have ASKED Jim if he dated Peggy, he would have told me. But I honestly would never think Jim would date her, so it never crossed my mind. The fact of the matter is that when I found out they had dated, of course I was angry with Jim for not telling me. Jim and I had to have many discussions about it. However Jim and I worked through it. The problem I have is that Peggy and I did not have that sort of an agreement. Peggy was my girlfriend and should have told me the minute she felt it was important enough to ask Jim to tell me. In fact, if the roles had been reversed, and Micah  would have asked me not to tell Peggy, I would have looked Micah in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry Micah, I have to tell her." Then I would have gone straight to Peggy and told her. Since when is friendship about not telling your girlfriend what you feel is important? If Peggy felt the need to mention it to Jim THREE times, then why didn't she tell me? Not to mention the fact that Jim and I had an agreement NOT to talk about our exes. And not to mention the fact that Peggy's loyalty is suppose to be to me, not to Jim. So once again, I see a common theme here. Jim seems to be the center of Peggy's thoughts, not me. She's more worried about the fact that Jim is NOT at her dinner party rather than excited that I AM, and she is more worried about Jim's loyalty in this situation than mine...hmm? 

And now, let's move on to the most important GRAND FINALE of this whole spiderweb. Peggy claims she and Jim simply had a couple casual Harley rides and that she is embarrassed she dated Jim? Really? Do a couple Harley rides provoke a girl to show up to her Harley friend's house when he doesn't return her calls? And for the record Jim isn't proud he dated her either. You don't see him running around shouting from the rooftops that he dated her, but he isn't lying about their past relationship. Up until that night at the reunion, I never asked Jim for the details about their relationship. However, there was something I could see in Peggy's meek look, and I had a feeling she wasn't being honest. So during break I texted my husband and asked him to be more specific about the details of their relationship. According to Jim they dated for two or three months, he dumped her, and then she broke into his house when he wouldn't answer her calls. Peggy denies this, but admitted that she went over to Jim's house when he wouldn't answer her calls. On that note, you can all draw your own conclusions.