Ramona: I Left for a Multitude of Reasons

When Heather invited us all to the Berkshires, my first reaction was I did not want to go. The Berkshires is very similar to where I grew up. I do not have fond memories of my childhood there.

It was only because Heather and I had gotten closer that I agreed to go against my better judgement. I always spend the weekends with my family in the Hamptons, which bring me much joy and happiness. We go there not only during the summer, but it's also where we celebrate all our holidays.

Once I got on the lake and in the canoe, I became very relaxed. I was really enjoying the scenery, the calmness, and the environment-- much to my surprise. I was actually feeling happy that I came. When Kristen splashed me, it did not feel playful. I reacted by throwing the plastic glass. Never in a million years did I expect it to hit her body -- let alone her face.

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But the bottom line is, I should have never thrown it. It was totally un-ladylike and improper. After this incident happened I was shocked and in disbelief at my own behavior. The last time I threw something was at my father as a teenager.

When we got back to Heather's house I could feel Kristen was not going to accept my apology. So, as a defense mechanism I gave her a back-handed apology. Or maybe I was just so embarrassed about what happened that I did not know how to even begin to address it.

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The next morning Heather prepared the most delicious breakfast. Kristen stayed as far away from me as possible. We could cut the tension with a knife.

Thank goodness I have a very good friend, Adam, who can fly at a moments notice. I explained my situation and asked to him to pick me up from the Berkshires and fly me to the Hamptons. He assured me that he would be there for me if needed. He said the flight was 20 minutes to the Berkshires and an hour to fly to my family in the Hamptons.

Heather had put so much genuine, effort, time, and care into having us at her beautiful home. I chose not to let anyone know that I was planning to leave at that time. When I was packing, I pretended to be organizing, as there were no dressers in the room. Somehow or another Carole and I teamed up walking into the woods. Even though I am extremely close to Sonja, Carole and I have developed a special bond.

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Walking in the woods, seeing the abundance of ferns growing, seeing the dried leaves on the ground, the fallen large logs. . .suddenly I felt very vulnerable and emotional. The eeriest moment occurred when we walked upon a spot that transported me back to my childhood. It looked identical to the place where I played make-believe as a child.

Between my anxiety and the flashbacks I was experiencing -- and let's not forget the tension with Kristen -- I knew I had to leave ASAP.

I did not want to tell Sonja I was leaving because I was afraid she might say she wanted to come too -- that would have really spoiled Heather's weekend. It was a personal choice I made to leave for a multitude of reasons. Kristen and I were bringing tension to the group, and ruining everyone's fun. I became very uncomfortable as I was being reminded of my childhood by being in the woods. I just wanted to be with my family, as Avery was leaving in four weeks for college. I needed love and support from my family in the Hamptons.