Heather: A Lady Has Her Limits

What a weekend and it is not over yet!

This episode of RHONY takes our group out of the city, and out to the Hamptons! The summer before Jon and I moved in together, we had a great "Hamptons Share" house with some friends. We decided if we could survive a summer share, moving in together for real and not just the weekends would be a legitimate next step. We both have many memories of good times and dear friends out East. Although the Berkshires gives us more of the weekend lifestyle we prefer, we always make sure to get out to the Hamptons as a family during the summer to spend time there and enjoy our friends.

For those of you who don't know, The Hamptons are beautiful! The beaches there are among some of the most beautiful in the world. The Hamptons have this fabulous and glamorous side, and it is very real. It is like being on the set of a movie with gorgeous mansions and expensive cars everywhere you look, but too much Botox for anyone to take it seriously. I do get a real kick out of it though. I love the Hamptons. I so appreciate the beaches, the beauty, and the local businesses that help to make it great and all of my friends and family who hang out there. If you've never been you must put a Hamptons trip on your bucket list.

Carole, Kristen and I decide that a little adventure and exercise before we headed to Sonja's "Caber-lesque" charity event later would be great, and Carole told us she knows of these hot surfing instructors. OK! So off we go. . .

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Surfing lesson on Montauk Point for the three of us! So fun! Kristen has tried it with Josh before on the West Coast, but neither Carole nor I have ever stood on a board. Basking in the sun on the soft sand, walking up to the long boards, and then being coached on how not to get impaled. OMG! A bit of a reality check, but our instructors, Shane and Charlie, they were the real sights to see! I knew we were in good hands. These guys can really rock a wave, and I just loved watching Carole get her flirt on! Holla! She deserves the distraction! She is going to see Aviva tonight and I love to see her light and laughing after the false accusations Aviva has been throwing at her and spreading in the media. It's awful and it's a pattern with Aviva, so I am happy to see Radz is not losing sight on what's important.

The waves may not be big, but they are strong. Thankfully I popped right up on the board first try and so did Kristen. I watched Radz get pummeled and I wasn't looking for that. Kristen and I finally both rode one in and with it, we were ready for that beer. I cut my foot on the rocks walking in, but not Radz, she was genius, having her instructor glide her in on her board. I think that cutie may have in fact been more interested in that ass of hers than instruction because I cut my foot open, then lost my bottoms trying to wrangle myself out of that wetsuit, and then flashed my booty to the entire world -- and no one even noticed!

Note to self: When naked bleeding married chic is obsolete, that means the surfing trip out to Montauk for my single friend was a success! Hang Ten baby! This was the perfect way to prepare ourselves for the evening to come.  

"Sonja with a Sexy J" is really one of a kind. She is a whole can-of-mess, but I gotta say, she is most lovable. Despite the ups and downs I have had with her, Sonja doesn't have a malicious bone in her body. She never means harm.

She's no dummy either. Sonja knows what's up and when she realizes she is in for far more than she can handle she mans up and leans on just doing what she loves to do-- being her true eccentric self, and she goes for it! That's what tonight's LGBT fundraiser is all about after-all, isn't it?

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The party was 1920s themed. It's a fun theme to doll up and I thought all the girls looked amazing and brought the glam! Kristen, dripping in Jennifer Miller Diamonds was fierce, and the guys really brought the spirit of the Gatsby era.

LuLu! I am so happy to see her! It’s been weeks and I am always happy hanging with Lu. She is a true friend of mine, and we always have a good time together. I adore her and Carole both so the situation between them is unfortunate. Especially because they both actually like each other! I just need them to connect on another level but tonight, with the whole Aviva drama, it is not the right moment.

Of course, Aviva wastes no time trying to wrangle LuAnn over to her side of this vicious fight she started. Meanwhile, I've encouraged Carole to take up LuAnn's invitation to her dinner party. LuAnn and Carole both know I am quite close with the other, and I've heard it said, "The longest distance between two people is a misunderstanding." So I am hopeful they can easily clear up the misunderstandings between them -- even with Aviva's added fuel to the smoldering fire. But for now, it's Sonja's night!

Sonja's performance may have reeked of a lack of preparation, but she is so in her element and she is so infectious and she's such a ham on stage that she pulled it off! You only get to see a piece but it was a very long monologue and she was very witty and funny. I was proud of her, I was proud of her getting out in front of a great cause, literally. That's how Sonja "Sexy J" rolls. Love it or leave it.

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Right before the act, I notice the terrible seating arrangements and I quickly switch around the placecards that had Aviva and Carole seated together. I felt I was covering for Sonja's oversight and, with a quick one-two switch, I was acting for the betterment of the entire evening, so we could all sit together and support Sonja on her night. What I didn’t anticipate was Aviva's image consultant's loud, obnoxious comments! Sure, it's easy to criticize the performer from the shadows -- but this is for charity and awareness after all, you cow! Aviva's image consultant's garish play-by-play commentary of Sonja's performance was almost surreal. Could someone actually be that rude? (Oh! Just you wait!!) All I am thinking is "Who is this woman who keeps coming around with her opinions and her nose turned up and boobs hanging down!" Ugh! She is just so annoying and now she's just plain rude.

LuAnn persuades me to brush it off and we get to dancing. . .even joining Sonja on stage! In the end, we had a lot of belly laughs, the night was a success for LGBT and we know how to bring the fun wherever we go!

It's a beautiful day following Sonja's event, and I swing by Kristen's friend Alba's to meet up with the girls for some shopping. Alba has set up a trunk show for friends at her lovely home and her pieces are great, but the chilled rose wine is flowing and we girls are more interested in dishin' on last night's shenanigans and we are having a good laugh. Sonja has her intern army in tow, and none of us can keep up with the nicknames. But that is her thing. While I have to agree with Kristen that it may not be the most efficient way to run your life, they do perform a role for Sonja because they give her companionship, and that is as important as any fancy cucumber sandwich Sonja may ask them to make.

But now, what the hell is Harry doing lunching with his ex-wife on a set up? Oh! What Harry Dubin does so well. . .women! Ya gotta love Harry, but his date, not so much.

I am looking forward to hanging at Lu’s house tonight and I am loving Carole's attitude about the recent events. She is not going to let the guest-list rule her life and she has taken LuAnn up on her invite. Like at Sonja's event the night before, there is usually enough room to casually avoid the people you don't want to hang out with unless they confront you. LuAnn and Carole have both gotten to know my trainer Will thru me -- and he's out East training for WILLSPACE. Will is always a great energy to have around and Lu invites Will to join us at her party. Will and Carole know each other quite well, and I am happy knowing that she has Will as a distraction she enjoys too!

Why can't I remember her name? Oy! Whoever she is, she's here again and now I can see among other things she's also completely two-faced sucking up to Sonja after talking so terribly behind her back! Ugh, it doesn't matter. . .We have bigger fish to fry. Sonja and Lu think it is time for a Carole and Aviva sitdown and are hoping for a quickie makeup. Not a good idea. Lu doesn't at all understand what Aviva did to Carole with her ridiculous representations and false accusations. It was beyond the pale. . .not something you can simply brush under the carpet and there are some real issues here. Sonja should know better! She knows the sting all too well. Sonja knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of an Aviva rant and it's never simple.

Carole is a true author and the process of writing for her is very personal. She is an artist. Aviva not only made the entire field of writing, journalism, and publishing seem like a joke with her "long email" descriptions and the "word on the street" stories in her head, but she also cast doubt on a dear friend's career with lies. I have a personal problem with these things. I am seeing a pattern that is glaringly obvious and not so pretty in someone I called a friend and I am no sitting duck.

However, I am not going to threaten Aviva over it. Nor did I. I am honest with Aviva about how I feel about what she's done. It's not an "icy reception" and I'm not playing games. I am not feeling you Aviva! I am upset by your behavior and it's not getting any better with this image consultant of yours constantly flanking you and flapping her jaw. I've about had it with this bulls--- behavior of Aviva's and she wants to know why? So I am trying to tell her and trying to hold composure but even a lady (who says f--- a lot), has her limits. . .

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