Ghost Story

The centerpiece of this episode is my fight with Carole about the use of ghostwriters. First of all, in the history of all the Real Housewives, everywhere, I officially declare this the STUPIDEST FIGHT EVER. Nothing will change what's on the show, but I'm not going to continue the fight on my blog, on Twitter, or in an MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) cage. So here are my final words on ghostwriters and ghostwriting:

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WHO CARES? Who actually wrote the Bible? Did Homer have help on The Iliad and The Odyssey (Was there even a guy names Homer? I mean, other than Simpson)? Was Gordon Lish a co-writer of many of Raymond Carver's stories, or merely the editor (and is editing every really "merely?")? Who cares? I'm not comparing my book Leggy Blonde to any of these great works, but the work stands on itself. The only ones who will care or discuss it are historians and haters. I doubt historians will ever take an interest in my book, but the haters are already on the case.

I was pissed at Carole when she dissed my right to write. She feels she's earned the right to write books because of her several hundred years of experience as a journalist, and further that I don't because, as she said in the episode, I'm a "nothing, never had a job outside the house." Ridiculous of course, but then why did I respond to her in that cute pink room and say what I'd heard about her ghostwriter? You know, it's what I do when I'm attacked; I could have handled that a lot better. Carole can say whatever she wants about me; I’m out of the responding-to-Carole’s-vitriol business.

See, I don't care if Carole used a ghostwriter, an editor, or room full of monkeys to write her book. It doesn't matter if it takes a village or a solitary journalist, Carole's first book is really, really good. Read it. Read mine first, but then read Carole's. You be the judge.

Using a ghostwriter (or ghostwriters or "as told to" people or editors or suggestors or velociraptors or contributors or "withs" or hobbits) is a non-issue. Hillary Clinton used three in her memoir. In the acknowledgements, she writes, "This book may not have taken a village to write, but it certainly took a superb team. . . . The smartest decision I made was to ask Lissa Muscatine, Maryanne Vollers, and Ruby Shamir to spend two years of their lives working with me." That team did the initial writing, then Hillary rewrote and edited with them. Again, in no way am I comparing myself to Hillary Clinton, but no one will ever say Hillary Clinton didn't write that book.

OK, I will once and for all, answer Carole’s burning question, "Did I write Leggy Blonde all by myself?" All by myself? No way. I wrote the initial draft then continued working on it with my own superb team, and I don’t think I could have written the book without them -- certainly it wouldn't be the same. I didn't thank them on the title page; I did in the Acknowledgements but still, regrettably, probably left out a couple of dozen. I admire Carole for doing her book all by herself; it’s a huge task. It was for me anyway.

Still, I take responsibility for every word in Leggy Blonde. If you like it, I thank you on behalf of the team. If you don't, don't bother sending letters to everyone in the Acknowledgements, aim your arrows on me. It's my fault. I'm the author.

By the way, when you read the Acknowledgements, you'll notice Carole in there. Yes, I thanked Carole. It was as a fellow member of "Real Housewives," but I probably should have added as an inspiration. That Carole wrote such a good memoir, encouraged me to do the same. Okay, I take back what I wrote before: If you don’t like my book, blame Carole.

Buy my book here.