The Cool Kids

Hello my fellow un-Mean Girls (I want us to keep living by that mantra this season). I hope you've filled your hats to the brim with pinot and are ready to lap it up like the chapeau-loving cats you are. We've got a lot of ground to cover.

Harry Dubin is Anything But an (Staten) Island
We open with Aviva discussing her favorite person in the entire world, her husband Reid. She wouldn't be able to breathe without Reid, so basically she likes him a lot. Aviva and her beloved are having dinner with Heather, and her equally beloved Jonathan, and discussing freeloading at vacation homes, Judaism by injection (you and me both sister), and Aviva's ex.

Yes as it turns out, Harry has injected his fair share of Housewives as well: Aviva, Sonja, and LuAnn. Aviva sums it up best, "It's kind of gross."

Aviva's Ex Gets Around

Thankfully the topic quickly changes from how many notches are on Harry Dubin's bedpost to over-indulging kids. Buy that kid the appropriate amount of Batmans to ensure he doesn't turn out to be a Housewife-stchooping mess.Rumble in the Bronx Central Park
Next we see Ramona and LuAnn attempting to meet and settle their differences once and for all. Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if these two could put their differences aside once and for all?

The Blow Out Between LuAnn and Ramona

I have to point out my three favorite moments of this fight:

A: LuAnn saying "What other dirty tricks do you have to pull out of your pinot-filled hat?" What a blissful bit of imagery that was! Thank you Countess for that amazing, imaginary thought.

B: Ramona breaking the fight to explain her new nail regime. Her tips did look nice, so I'm glad she gave us some background.

C: Ramona saying "I don't even care about you that much." Obviously, this was a barb designed them back on the truce track. . .

Yet somehow, the come to a consensus. The deal is made, even if LuAnn claims she might have just made it with the devil. . .

Later we see Ramona and Aviva having a smoke (but not fire) filled lunch. Aviva appreciates Ramona's candor, but wants to stay on her good side. Therefore she gets right into asking about her bust up with LuAnn. Aviva feels like the whole affair might be exaggerated on LuAnn's end. Ramona then ponders what exactly LuAnn does with her time and gets angrier as the plates are served. However this is high road Ramona. There will be no repercussions, unless of course she finds out Aviva lied to her. . .

The Queen of Hearts
Next we see the budding friendship between Carole and Aviva. As Carole casually mentions, "What's not to love about Aviva? She's a blonde bombshell and she's my super fan." Agreed. Plus both ladies love vintage and discussing other people's bizarre fights.

Over furs, Carole gives Aviva in update about her dating life. She's in a "situation" with Russ. They date when he's around, but when he's on the road (playing AEROSMITH SONGS) they are their own people. It's all so rock 'n' roll, which is why Aviva's only response for a bit is, "you're so cool." I love that Aviva is self-aware enough to realize that as "cool" as Carole's free love situation is, she knows she "would be much too jealous and possessive and controlling for that." This entire conversation should be cast in bronze as proof that both of these ladies are good eggs.

Carole's Cool But Casual Aerosmith Relationship

Also great advice from Carole -- never sleep with a man until he thinks he's in love with you. And why's that? Because: "I want a man who’s obsessed with me emotional, intellectually, and sexually. And if he can support himself that’s a bonus." Also, Aviva, you look delightful in a jumpsuit!Anyway, soon enough we meet the man himself. And what does a relationship between a heralded writer and a touring member of Aerosmith look like? Apparently like two high school kids driving around. Carole really wants to keep the focus on songs that are about her and the future of her singing career. To Carole, "there's nothing more fun to me than to drive through New York City listening to the song that was inspired by me." I bet there are a lot of Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends that think exactly the same thing. 

The Youth of Brooklyn/America
After a very touching turn learning Heather's poet father (how sweet was their celebration of his life?), we see a delightful juxtaposition of Aviva and Heather's families at dinner. I want to give major props to Heather's corn-loving, knife-wielding progeny. I love you kid! Stay that much fun your whole life.

Then LuAnn has a little tete-a-tete with Noel. He's apparently not doing so hot in French! French of all things! Sacre blue! Even with Jacques helping him with his homework, Noel just forgets sometimes. Plus his French teacher (and his math teacher) have horrible accents? How can he be expected to learn from these folks?

Manhattan's Major Gay Icon
From there we sojourn to Sonja's, where things are in a bit of a state. Hurricane Irene has sent her house into a tailspin, but thankfully Rich, the contractor, is there to solve all -– particularly Sonja's need for love.

Though Millsaps (Sonja's assistant) loves a good hurricane, Irene was not the fun our ladies had in mind, leaving Rich and Sonja to fondle the drapes full of water and various other devastation left in its wake. Sonja does not mind -- she will show him all of her damages if that's what it takes. Just let her fix her skinny jeans and then she'll gladly cook for him in her toaster oven.

But before her and Rich settle down for a life of properly maintained pipes, Sonja must present an award to her favorite folks -- the LGBT. Yes, despite the horrors that happened last year at the marriage equality march, the women get it together to attend Sonja's big affair. Heather even admits that she's quite popular with ladies who love ladies.

Unfortunately, while someone told Sonja where the snacks on sticks were, no one bothered to inform her of when her actual speech was.

Where's Sonja?

But despite her truancy, Sonja did finally arrive and did a fabulous job of presenting the award. As Sonja says, no harm no foul. Just let the woman dance with her drag queens!

Next week things get heated over a trip across the pond (Yay! I hope Carole has plenty of songs about her to listen to while driving on the other side of the road). Until then, leave your comments on open relationships, snacks on sticks, and Ramona and LuAnn's deal in the comments.