Arms' Length

I laughed for a while after I watched this episode. Grabbed a glass of wine. Laughed some more.

Before we get to why, please check out Simon's brand new webisode, my fashion recap here, and our Facebook page. Would love it if you follow Simon and me on Twitter, and definitely check out ThuginaCocktailDress.com for our T-shirt partnership with Housing Works. Oh yeah, and Simon's song "I Am Real," and the Thug in a Club Mix! Wishing Simon, the dad of our two chums, a happy Father's Day as well as every Dad out there. Enjoy!

After the craziness of Morocco…by the way, did anyone catch on WWHL last week that LuAnn still thinks she's the only one who had been there before? Bizarre -- but here are my photo albums from the 2003 trip with Simon and François.

Anyway, back in New York, those of us with husbands and boyfriends spent a little quality time together. Everyone else went out, but Simon and I stayed at home. Our chums are five and seven, and not only can we not leave them home alone, obviously, but they need us and we need them too! It's so important to be there for bath time, dinner, homework, stories, and bedtime. We do tend to go out twice a week, and that's normally more than enough. When it's really busy, sometimes we bring our nanny or a sitter in and go out after they are asleep, but even that can sometimes be more stress than it's worth. For that reason, some of our best "we were here first" nights (I always think the term "date night" is cheesy) occur at home.

Simon and I put the boys to bed after I gave everyone their presents. Leather sandals for Simon, djellabahs and snake charming flutes for the boys, then lots of snuggling and about 50 stories each. Well, maybe not that many. It's just that my stomach was rumbling louder than any of the New Jersey housewives can scream. I came upstairs and we continued preparations for a feast -- one of our favorite foodie past-times that also accommodates having little kids. You didn't see much of the meal, so here's the menu.

After dinner, Simon surprised me with a huge basket of lingerie and garment bag of robes from Hanky Panky, and amidst everything I found a message on a pair hot pink knickers that read "I Love Us." Now you know why I love him so much -- a guy who will bedazzle a message on underwear for you is a keeper. And the message didn't include his initials.

Although Mario kept Ramona waiting for a bit, they certainly looked like they had fun afterward. Even LuAnn looked happy, though I'm not sure how happy Bobby looked during suit shopping.

After their makeup in Marrakech and everyone really trying to support them both, I was surprised that Jill wouldn't include Ramona in her shapewear focus group. Jill wanted opinions to make her product better. If ever there was a time to call in Ramona, this was it. I wasn't shocked at all over Jill jumping down Sonja's throat over the financial stuff.

I have no poker face whatsoever, and that was totally evident at lunch with Ramona. If I'm just sitting around being myself and reacting to what's around me, I can and do make crazy faces -- it's involuntary unless I'm trying hard to keep myself in check. The a-ha moment was clearly visible all over my face as I realized that due to Sonja's current misfortune she was within Jill's crosshairs as her next under-dog project.

Now. . .LuAnn. She and I had unfinished business from Morocco. At any rate, I needed to speak to her one on one. It was not OK to do this at a charity event, a focus group, anyone's home or frankly, an open business. It was either going to be the middle of an empty parking lot, or a restaurant that hadn't opened for dinner yet. The latter was more comfortable and served coffee.

LuAnn seemed, as usual, to be on her own planet. I wasn't even that surprised that when I called her vile, condescending, and rude, she didn't contradict me. I can only assume that she either agrees with me or doesn't communicate well in English. Either is possible. The henna/cabinet/whatever-you-call-it confrontation happened because I wanted LuAnn to lay off Ramona; however, this coffee had nothing to do with Ramona. She was out of it completely. I wanted to clear the air with LuAnn over her reaction to me. I've always kept LuAnn at arms' length, and this is exactly why. I don't care to taste her venom.