Entertaining Weirdness

As if to signify it’s the end of the Hamptons episodes we all get to sit in LuAnn’s backseat and be driven back to “The City” as she and Victoria head back from the Hamptons. This is a chance for a Mother/Daughter chat about Kelly’s upcoming Playboy shoot and is also an opportunity for the age difference between LuAnn’s daughter and Kelly’s daughters come into play. Victoria might only be three or four years older than Thaddeus (Teddy) but at that age her ability to deal with a naked Mom, if that was to happen, seems more assured. And so after a discussion where they hope that Kelly doesn’t get her ‘cha-chas’ out we move to a Kelly and her daughters.

So we join Kelly and her daughters as they sit and discuss the Playboy shoot and I get a little confused because Sea seems to be speaking in the past tense about Kelly “getting her boobs out." Kelly seeks some reassurance about her parenting skills and after Sea says “you work so hard for us” Kelly translates that into Kelly-speak as that “she’s too hard on them.” Fortunately it seems the apple fell very far from the tree and it’s hard to stifle a laugh as she preciously says that her Mom posed in Playboy “to entertain people with [her] weirdness” and just 5 minutes in I think Bravo has their quote of the episode. At the Learning Annex Bethenny’s up for speaking at an “educational speakers series” and I am glad she warned the audience that they weren’t going to learn much that evening as she really tried to turn it into an evening of stand up. Kathy Griffin you’re safe for awhile – a looooong while. What is interesting is that B tells us that speaking in front of hundreds of people is the reason she deals with all “this nonsense” which I take as a reference to appearing on this show; and previously The Apprentice-Martha Stewart. She must really be desperate to keep on speaking to hundreds of people as I am sure you all know she’s jumped into more “nonsense” as she’s now filming her own show Bethenny’s Getting Married. Gotta love nonsense!

As she continues her stand up routine, you have to pay props to the editors as they cut to the most prim & proper woman in the room to coincide with Bethenny’s language being bleeped.

A dramatic change of pace occurs as we now hear Bobby on the phone getting an “all clear” call from his doctors. I do know that 2009 was a pretty hard year for Bobby starting with a scare while on vacation in December 2008 and then leading up to this scare. None of us like health shocks like that, but sometimes they are a warning sign that help us right some wrongs with how we are living our lives. Bobby has a few years on me but I have to say when he and I spoke last week (we did; our wives didn’t) he’s looking better than ever. As I go back and watch that scene I just wish that Jill had been as demonstrative with Bobby as she was when she picked up Ginger.

In the make up chair Kelly’s getting her final touches (prior to the obligatory and often unnecessary, distorting airbrushing) and after a brief comparison to Bethenny’s PETA shoot and then another Kellyism where she calls Playboy “the most infamous book in the world” (her world perhaps), we see Kelly in her element. She’s clearly far more natural in front of a still camera than a moving one and at 41 (and as far as I am aware free of most plastic surgery and other ahem; enhancements) she’s looking pretty damn fine. It’s too bad that Playboy couldn’t spare her 10 pages or seem to find any space to use any of the photos that were captured the day this was filmed.

With that we’re off to LuAnn’s event at Ungaro and after a fleeting glimpse of one Ms. Lohan (who had just been appointed something or other at Ungaro and who was un-appointed a few weeks ago) and a chance for Jill to talk about the fabulous group of people she mixes with.

This night was crazy in NYC and coming in the midst of a very deep recession was put together by NYC & Co (the City’s business & tourism organization) as a way to boost the fashion industry – and boy it certainly did that. It was a big kick off the Fashion Week and the fall season in NYC, coming just three days after the Labor Day long weekend. Alex and I were coming from the Purple Event, a fashion show in aid of the Anita Kaufman Foundation which although was filmed didn’t make this episode. A friend of ours, Derek and Ramona also had turned up in support of Alex. So as we come bounding up the stairs decked out in purple we are about to see LuAnn and Jill for the first since we’d not turned up the previous Monday. Alex is seen introducing Derek to Jill and while she was restrained in person; her talking head piece seemed a little toxic as she called him freaky and said that he scared the crap out of her. All I can assume is that it must be a long time since she’s seen Brad, her gay husband of seasons past.

As Kelly arrives we refer to her as ‘Tiger‘; a nickname François had given her over the summer and one mention of our eldest son is apparently the ideal excuse for Jill to tell a story that LuAnn had told to her, or in other words, to gossip. Or even to unnecessarily have a go at an almost-six-year-old for an incredibly innocuous move he’d made when meeting a guy the previous week. François didn’t misbehave that day, but far be it from Jill to let that fact interfere with the chance to trash our kids on TV again! I didn’t hear this exchange as I’d wandered off but on so many levels this seems so inappropriate. Anyway after Jill had her say we get to the heart of what she really wants to hear “Can I hear what the hell happened at Ramona’s house? That’s all I friggin’ want to know,” she ask Alex. Really? If what happened at that lunch is so important to Jill then why didn’t she just turn up – and besides I thought she had already "heard about that meal right after” it was over? I can honestly say, in my earshot at least, not only did the word ‘destroy’ not pass Bethenny’s lips but nether did the inference. So it’s on to Kelly’s big news where again Jill anoints herself as the town crier. First LuAnn and now Kelly; isn’t anyone allowed to tell their own story here? The flash back to the Season 1 Reunion Special speaks for itself and you all know from my altercation with Ramona and Mario in season 2, exactly what I think about hypocrites.

The newly divorced and single, Luann goes over to Jill’s to discover what’s in store for her on the romance front but the scene makes more of an impact when it moves to a discussion about the demise of the relationship between Bethenny and Jill. When the psychic says, “She’s talking to anybody who will listen to try to get them to hear her point, to try and let go of that guilt that’s taking place inside.” I do wonder if she was predicting her client’s future and if so she’s darn good! We then hear a 10 week old message from Bethenny but unfortunately it is cut off just as it seems we are about to get some meat and veg.

It’s Jason’s birthday celebration and they revisit the club where they met. This is a chance to see some of Jason’s friends and while imitation can be the sincerest form of flattery, it normally helps if the person knows you well enough to take the ribbing; at your new boyfriend’s birthday? Not so much. I do have to say that Bethenny didn’t sound too sincere when she said that she missed Jill.

A squeal at the tennis dinner is Ramona’s biggest imprint on this episode and we get another chance to rehash Mario’s Countless comment, while everyone conveniently ignores Ramona’s televised slut accusation while on speaker phone last week. Just which is worse?

The interstitial in the ad break is just the perfect example of a Kellyism in Kellyworld. Kelly yes, PETA does not want animals abused but it also does not want you or anyone else wearing fur. Yes, it’s your right to do so and it’s their right to tell you, you shouldn’t. But please, cold blooded person (did you mean cold hearted) don’t wait those 5 years you mentioned to educate yourself about PETA.

Jill goes to visit Kelly and Jill is seemingly blown away not only by the size of Kelly’s apartment as well as her hand bag book cases, and broaches the subject of the 40th anniversary photo shoot. Presumably Bobby had gone to visit his library and while there checked out the January 1994 issue, so Jill could set the record straight. We learn maybe it’s a shoot commemorating the anniversary of the bunny costume but anyway rightly or wrongly Kelly’s agent gets the blame.

Over at Brooklyn it’s ‘Pizza Night’ at the McCord/van Kempen’s and at last a scene where you get to see us have a family dinner at home (if you haven’t already seen these please check out some great clips put together by Bravo of our home– here are links for Part 1 and Part 2). Alex cooks phenomenal thin crust pizza but as the subject turns to the trashing of our sons we ask Johan to join his brother so as not to hear. They both like Jill and we certainly don’t want to change that. Alex and I discussed that afternoon where François first met Darren. The back flip he did after the high five grab was not a big deal to Darren, François nor to me, so I hadn’t even mentioned to Alex. However for reasons only known to them it must have been an affront to Jill and LuAnn. Why? I have no idea. Anyway dinner is served and the four of us heartily tuck into pizza. Yum!

Fashion week continues and Jill attends Jil Stuart‘s fashion show knowing full well that she’d run into Bethenny after the ‘horrific’ phone call. Bethenny breezes in trying to take the high road, an air kiss here, an air kiss there. Kelly arrives and succeeds in greeting Bethenny the way Bethenny had tried to greet Jill. The models walk the runway and tension is building. After the show is over Bethenny and Jill trade words - “get a hobby” “you didn’t show up for me” and Jill walks out. LuAnn pitches in that Jill isn’t ready yet and divulges that LuAnn had heard the 10 week old message. Bethenny gets a chance to suggest that towards the end of their friendship that she’d found Jill suffocating and with that we’re done…..

Until next week – I shop!

We are slowly revamping our website. On there you can find the list of cities we’ll be visiting in April as Alex and I travel around the country appearing at leading book stores for a book discussion & signings . Alternatively you can see a full listing of these signings under EVENTS on our joint Facebook page. In the meantime you can pre-order Little Kids Big City at Amazonand at Barnes & Noble.

Have a great week!