Why Men Are Just Happier

I must say it was very interesting to see the various responses to my last blog. Many of you appreciated the humor, but I would like to address a couple of comments that I received from a number of people.

First is my comment about LuAnn’s impending divorce that was written about in the media. Some of you thought I was “mean spirited” or striking a “low blow." However, if some thought is given to this, LuAnn could actually help couples who are faced with what often becomes a very ugly experience. When married couples decide to end their relationship, they often resort to some insane behavior and not only accuse each other of horrible acts, but fight over some of the least important possessions that have been accumulated during their years of marriage. Driven by their attorneys, the accusations begin to fly, the feelings of their children are forgotten and civil behavior goes out the window. I think it would be very helpful for someone to address this issue and offer people a way of facing this difficult process with dignity and grace during a time when they are at their worst. I hope that if LuAnn does decide to write about her experience she will at least give me an acknowledgement for coming up with the idea.

Next is the question about my faith or lack thereof. I’m not sure what this has to do with a reality show, but the answer is yes, I am a Christian and member of the Catholic faith. I regularly attend church and when in Southampton I enjoy the 9:30AM children’s mass given by Father Jeff at Sacred Heart of Jesus and Mary. I love some of the responses that children give to his questions. The church is magnificent with amazing stained glass windows. My daughter Avery was baptized there and I hope that one day (not very soon) she will be married there as well. I strongly believe in the power of prayer no matter what faith one practices.

Now that I got all that off my chest, last night’s show proved to be relatively free of drama except for Kelly’s being very late to her own party. And what was that cash bar about? Ramona and I had also been invited to attend but our good friends had a Halloween party way uptown and it would have been difficult to go to both parties, especially with the traffic that is in the city on that night. Seems like we made the right decision as the party we went to was terrific with amazing décor, wonderful food and an OPEN BAR! Bobby and Jill also were invited and they finally arrived after wasting their time going downtown to Kelly’s no show affair. I loved their costumes and Bobby looked great as Napoleon. Now if he could only be more authoritative with Jill. If you were wondering, I was dressed as a buccaneer.

OK, now for my humor. I hope you enjoy this and I know most of you are women so please do not write that I am a chauvinist. Please pass it on to your boyfriends or husbands. I’m sure they will get a kick out of it.

WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER

Nicknames:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four Eyes.

Eating Out:
When the bill arrives, the guys will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.00. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A women will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

Bathrooms:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor a bar of soap and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 350. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Arguments:
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Future:
A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. (Bring any cast member to mind?)

A successful woman is one who can find such a man. (Bring any cast member to mind?) Hint: they are married to each other.

Marriage:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

Natural:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about the doctor appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hope and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thought For the Day:
A married man should forget his mistakes. There is no use in two people remembering the same thing!

All the best.
Mario