The Queen of One-Liners

OK, I'm starting this blog pissed off because I had to watch this episode three times just to find something interesting. I poured myself a glass of wine, then it came to me. This is the damn Bethenny show and she isn't even a housewife. All the housewives in New York and a single broad is running the show? Go figure!

Ramona and Bethenny are walking their dogs down the MIDDLE of the street talking about how HOT Mario is and how NOT the Count is. To our surprise Mario comes cruising by in his Porsche (which reminds me of an old joke on why pricks drive Porsche's.) To everyone's surprise, Ramona throws the bag of dog crap into Mario's car and he wings it back at her. Oh my God, I swear I threw up in my mouth then swallowed. There is something about dog crap in a bag that grosses me out.

I wanted to give LuAnn a big hug tonight. She was so cute walking around the house talking with her mouth full of food about the animals that they killed (run Aston run) and about how much she will miss Victoria. She didn't ONCE refer to her self as the Duchess, the Princess or the Countess...whatever her title is. She seemed really down to earth, I have a feeling she really is a sweet lady.

Silex is back from St Barts. I am a little bummed we didn't get to watch them prance around the beach half naked making googly eyes at each other and shopping for clothes.

I am sure they were so excited to be home and check out the progress, I know I would be. Holy crap, what a mess! I think at that point I would have gotten back in my car and checked into Simon's Hotel. Instead they did what any social climber would do, they went through their invites. By the way, where were the kids while you two were breathing heavy about all the parities you were invited to? I'm sure they were well taken care of, but I just had to ask.

I am feeling a little left out! I guess the big money ticket for reality stars (I use the word STAR lightly) is to write a book? Bethenny has Naturally Thin, LuAnn has Class with the Countess and now Simon is writing a book on raising children. So I started thinking...hmmm, what can I come up with? So, I have a few titles I would like to bounce off you. How to Get A B*!@h Drunk. Housewives Gone Wild. Botox Gone Bad. 18 and Knocked Up.

Yeah, I don't think a book deal is going to work for me.

Congratulations Kelly, you had 3 minutes of airtime this week. It was nice to see her daughters who were adorable in their pink sweaters. I had to laugh at LuAnn asking Kelly where her house was, as if she didn't know. My biggest question was WTF was with the horse in the living room?

Lunch with LuAnn and Bethenny was just about as funny as the show got this week. LuAnn saying, "You're going to lean in and talk very slowly." The only reason for Bethenny to lean into someone and talk slowly is to tell them, "If you DON'T shut the F up, I am going to put this skewer through your eyeball." Bethenny talks about 300 wpm and SLOW is just not in her making. The look on Bethenny's face was priceless - I think the queen of one-liners was at a loss for words.

The Health Expo with Bethenny and Alex was cute in so many ways. I do think Alex is a really nice person and is probably one of those friends that would always be there for you. When Alex told Bethenny that she met Simon looking for a one-night stand, I thought, 'Way to own the booty call Alex!'

I cringed when I saw Jill ringing Alex and Simon's doorbell. Jill is the last person I would want at my house criticizing everything. Jill went on and on and boy she wasn't sugar coating anything, from the location to the original molding (which I liked.) If you had to sum up what she really said, it's "You live in a shit area, don't over spend!" Then she had to top it off with wondering how Silex has sex in that loft bed. Really Jill? I think I would rather eat earthworms or poke my eyeballs out than think of Simon and Alex bumping fuzzies!