Kellamity

First I have to answer a few of the questions I've seen on the blogs. The shirt I wore on the date at Stk was something that I bought at a store called Switch Boutique in Beverly Hills. I regrettably gave it away because I have an obsessive compulsive habit of editing my wardrobe.

My dog is a Lhasa mix, the pink dress I wore to the Help the Orphans charity was Dolce & Gabbana from their sample sale and my pearls are from an incredible company called Tara.

My book is number five on the New York Times Bestseller List for the second week in a row, and I can't thank you enough.

Nothing Kelly says or does surprises me, because the poor girl isn't playing with a full deck. She didn't get the memo that she's in her 40s and behaves like a teenager whose words need subtitles on the show. She wrote about being in a shark tank last summer, but I'm not sure she knew what that felt like until the Sicilian sit-down.

Kelly came onto the show thinking anyone actually gave a crap about her self-anointed fabulosity. Truthfully, none of us care about her superficial lifestyle, so I think my calling her out is something that caught her off guard. Truthfully, she never had anything against me. I had something against her. She is a complete phony and now she has been exposed and her small circle of New York supporters have now turned on her as well. The emperor has no clothes.

Kelly's "journalistic" vocabulary consists of 2 words: foil and inappropriate. Maybe next week she'll find some new words. I found it amusing that she told me I needed a "time out" and some parenting. I've gone 38 years with no parents, and if I decide to adopt some, Kelly isn't on the candidate list. Jill and Bobby could be my adopted parents. Hell, I'll adopt Silex before the Kellamity.

I will never be friends with someone inauthentic and disingenuous. I may be harsh, abrupt and rough around the edges, but for God's sake, I am real. I don't care how many Dateline exclusive sit-down interviews you have with Jill Stuart - your saccharin smile and hair twirl isn't fooling me.

Ramona isn't as good a judge of character as I am. Most people, including Jill, admittedly are not. You see that when Ramona calls Kelly out for writing that she introduced us all to fashion, in her now defunct 3-sentence Sesame Street column in the former Page Six Magazine. Ramona hasn't gone off the rails yet and was still in the land of being the Ramona diplomat. Good thing about Ramona. She'll eventually get there.

Mario needed to chill. I really like him, but Wimbledon this is not. He got Jill all worked up, and the two of them were disproportionately arguing. Honestly, who cares? If Mario is such a pro, he shouldn't care if he plays against Jill's gay husband Brad. Let it go.

Mario was being too harsh and if my man were Bobby, he would hopefully give Mario the smack down. I loved when Bobby made sure Jill was ok. He's a pacifist and for him to even get involved meant it was out of line.

I get no rise whatsoever from arguing with Kelly. Her energy is toxic and she is so delusional that I would prefer to never be in her presence. I found it particularly hilarious when Kelly was relaying the "sit down" story to her date, who could barely speak English, much less gossip. When he said, "You remind me to the pink panther," I laughed out loud.

Truthfully, Simon rightfully called out Ramona about the naked pics. They're not friends and Simon owes no one an explanation about how he and his wife choose to live their lives. Ramona likes to dance in short skirts and kiss Playmates, and as the saying goes, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Simon had every right.

On another note, I want to thank Jill and Bobby for being generous enough to decorate my one bedroom apartment in Manhattan. I desperately want to move downtown, but I am too busy and too single to think about that right now. The renovation of my apartment was shot, but never made it to air. I couldn't even pay rent two years ago, so I felt so proud to at least finally have some grown up furniture and fancy Zarin window treatments.

Although I kid about the elaborateness and ornateness of your apartment, the quality is incredible and we all know I have very simple, minimalist, sometimes Ikea-like style. We all also know that I can never resist a joke, so calling your apartment Versace, Liberace, and so on is in typical Bethenny fashion and secretly I'm jealous of your fancy Ivana worthy abode.

Anyway, bottom line, Zarin Fabrics did the most incredible job on both your apartment and mine, despite our drastically different styles. That's what makes a horse race and why I wear a 20 dollar bikini to the beach and you are in a Pucci MuMu and 30k worth of jewelry. Jill and Bobby, you are generous lifelong friends and I love you. Xo