We open with Sonja getting what can only be described as an extreme case of cabin fever. How bad is her cabin fever you say? "I had a squirrel trying to get in my room last night, I almost made out with him." She has to go out for dinner! Someone take her Will Smith goes when he's in Missoula!
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Sonja's only salvation: Henry. "Wait til you see Henry. He's sweet as can be. He's wearing nubuck shoes that don't have a spot on them." Is there anything else to look for in a man? Perhaps that's why Sonja decided to go commando beneath that bathrobe.
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The ladies need help, that's why Henry Bishop had to extend his responsibilities beyond just driving to helping to organize the almond milk and lettuce issues.
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What did you see there Henry? Was it more of Sonja's butt? Or is he just trying to figure out if "that skinny bitch" Carole turned down the air conditioning on Ramona.
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Finally the ladies head out for their first excursion of the day (with legs rocking). It's time for fly fishing, so obviously Ramonja dressed in coordinated chambray and sprayed themselves down to keep them from burning the crack of their butt ("because you get burned there").
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To Ramona, the worst part of fly fishing was the outfit, which made her feel a bit like Humpty Dumpty. Sonja's complaint: "every last egg I had just froze." But besides the conditions, the ladies also had a few other things to complain about -- like LuAnn complaining about them.
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Heather is a wilderness pro, and is focused on nailing the biggest fish of the day, so she goes in. . .
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Literally. Ruh roh. For Heather that fish is just the one that got away. . .
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After much discussion about going to a restaurant versus having a night in, the ladies decide to let a personal chef handle their evening itinerary (handled minus Ramona stepping up to get more Ramona Pinot and a proper ice bucket). Perhaps Kristen is the hostess with the mostest after all?
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After Sonja makes a slight dig about the people of Connecticut, the conversation turns to Sonja's facialist. LuAnn is never going to be cool with someone saying she's having an affair. Sonja thinks it's no big deal. Kristen's take on the whole debacle? If it's not true than it's funny. . .LuAnn doesn't appear to be laughing. And so Ramona tries to gently change the subject to something lighter -- like Aviva.
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Yes, a nice light conversation about Aviva. Ramona thinks Aviva didn't come because of Reid. Ramona's other big idea? Let's call Avia right now and ask her what the deal is! And so Ramona gets up to get her phone and just point blank ask Mrs. Drescher if she has Münchausen Syndrome or asthma or just a problem with Montana.
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But before Ramona could even find her cell phone, the facialist drama erupted again. LuAnn wanted an apology -- and for Sonja to stop whatever gossip is going on in her house. LuAnn just wants to know why Sonja wouldn't defend her as a friend.
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Sonja's retort -- the facialist wasn't to blame, the community was saying it. It's the community, LuAnn! And if Sonja said to stop talking, it would validate what the community was saying. Watch an extended version of the ladies' beef HERE.
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At this point, LuAnn has had it, and storms off telling Sonja that she's not her friend at all.
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And then Heather steps in to tell Sonja that basically she's not being nice to LuAnn (in case she didn't notice).
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Sonja then invokes the old idiom, "you lie down with pigs, you're pigs." Does this mean she's calling LuAnn a pig? The facialist? Jacques?
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And with that Sonja's point is made. In Heather's own words, "There are certain lines you just don't cross. You don't call LuAnn de Lesseps, one of my dear friends, a pig when I'm there." Yup, that seems like a pretty clear line to us.
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Half the ladies get up to head for a relaxing hike, in hopes of separating LuAnn and Sonja. While Carole works her fierce walking in the woods attire the ladies discuss LuAnn and Sonja's issues. LuAnn can't believe that Sonja is always throwing her under the bus. Could it be because LuAnn is so tall (Carole Theory #1) or is it because she's in a happy relationship (Carole Theory #2)?
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Meanwhile the "spa babies" are off to be buffed, puffed, and pampered -- and to discuss if LuAnn is jealous of Sonja and Ramona's relationship. In Sonja's words, LuAnn should just be happy to have people talking about her: "it's better to be looked over than overlooked, you know."
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While one group of ladies runs off to repel, the other ladies decide to head out to shoot some skeet. Pigeons (of the clay variety) beware. But maybe this lovely shooting instructor should watch out too. Sonja's got her sights set on Paul, but he's busy making sure their boobs aren't in the way, and that the cows are safe (they're pretty safe).
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Kristen's feeling a little competition with Heather ("I can be Sporty Spice too."), so when it's time to get up on the mountain she's ready to take it on. . . And by ready we mean she's freaking the frick out.
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Kristen requests that the ladies not talk to her while she's repelling (she learned her lesson on direction with Josh), but they don't exactly listen. It's tough to keep a Housewife from talking. . .
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Did Kristen repel so she could prove herself to Heather? Or did she do it because there's no other way to get down the mountain once you've started.
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At the bottom of the mountain, Kristen has a good old fashioned cry. Something bad could have happened up there! But like LuAnn says a good cry is like a great orgasm! Sometimes you just need one!
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Even LuAnn is feeling vulnerable. Meanwhlie, Heather repels down the mountain like Spiderman. Sporty Spice reigns again!
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After all those hardcore events (and perhaps too many drinks at lunch), the ladies decide to try their hand at geocaching, which is treasure hunting in the woods. The ladies are pretty quick to let Kristen know they are less-than-thrilled with this activity.
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According to Sonja geocaching isn't so much fun as "just another punishment" (you don't see that on the pamphlet). At this point the ladies focus on getting the appropriate walking sticks and trying to drink their way through the day -- much to Kristen's annoyance.
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Once Kristen grabs Heather and tries to get her on track, things get tense. The GPS is broken, but perhaps more drunken is Kristen's desire to be "super finder" (Kristen's term). Kristen's retort -- Heather is bossy!
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Is it tall girl syndrome? The beer? Cabin fever? Or just the misplaced GPS that has this whole thing run off the rails? Who knows?
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And then Kristen runs off into the woods never to be seen again. . . Just kidding, we'll definitely see her next week when this bossy business comes to a head.
