Pack your bags, the RHONY are headed not to the Hamptons -- but out of their comfort zone and into the arms of the Wild, Wild West. And the most important thing to do before a trip to Montana -- get waxed, of course. So these cowgirls book appointments to get prepped for the saddle.
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Carole gets a bikini wax religiously every three weeks, meanwhile Kristen "rolls herself" in wax. But their bodies aren't the only things that are bared. Carole lets Kristen in on her post-facialist discussion call with Russ. Russ swears nothing ever happened, despite what Sonja's facialist said. Watch the original gossip session again HERE.
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While Russ is Sonja's type (he has a penis, which according to Carole is all it takes), she doesn't believes his side of the story.
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Ramona and Aviva meet to discuss the upcoming trip to Montana. Ramona is not thrilled with the location. In her mind, there will no turtle time and no dancing. It's going to make the Berkshires look like a major city! And here we thought Turtle Time was wherever Ramona was!
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Aviva's issues with Montana are less with the nightlife and more with her health. After having some problems breathing, her doctor told her that she has moderate to severe asthma, and grounded her from the trip. She saddest of all that she won't be able to show the ladies her "fun side." So for now, Aviva is trying to take her medicine and mend up in time for departure.
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Carole and Kristen's friendship has officially reached the next level of their friendship, they have held hands while waxing. This is real love ladies.
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Sonja is keeping her focus on the most important part of the trip: packing the proper undergarments. After trying out some face tape to ensure she looks good while clothed, she enlists Pickles to help her with the tedious lingerie selection process.
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According to Sonja, underwear sets the mood -- which is why she has different pairs for South Hampton, horseback riding (firm in the saddle), St. Tropez amusement parks, jeans and a t-shirt downtown, etc. If Sonja's lingerie isn't right, ain't nothing right. Here's hoping Pickles packed the proper unmentionables.
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Ramona and Kristen head to Space Cowboy to stock up on appropriate footwear. "If I have to step into horse sh-- for five days, I am not going to be wearing my Giuseppe Zanottis." Excellent point Ramona. We just wonder if she got those chaps for Mario's enjoyment.
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Ramona relays that Aviva's asthma might be keeping her from going on vacation, but Kristen's not buying it. "Apparently asthma's some serious sh--" says Ramona.
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Kristen thinks that the horse allergy and this new-found asthma are elabaorate excuses to get out of the trip, and so she point blank asks Aviva if she's faking sick to stay back in NYC.
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But Aviva has a doctor's note and even if the horses aren't right at the door of the resort, it's going to be too much for her condition. Ramona does try to help by offering some Xanax to help abate the issue. . .
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When the doctor's letter isn't enough, Aviva brings out her bag of medications -- and even inhales for good measure. Ramona's reaction: "Aviva literally opened up her bag of crazy -- and then she threw it at Kristen." Kristen can't catch a break from things getting thrown at her, huh? Watch the asthma-off in full HERE.
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Heather drops in to help Carole with her packing. These two are the only ones that seem to be excited -- but they aren't exactly disappointed that Aviva won't make it. Carole's diagnosis of Aviva's condition -- "she's allergic to fun."
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After Kristen's son helps her pack a "gun" like a real cowboy (hopefully the TSA won't mind), Kristen and Josh discuss the Aviva situation. Josh thinks Aviva will be out having her own fun -- out on a chairlift in Aspen smoking cigarettes. Only the Instagrams will tell.
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But on to serious matters, Kristen's nervous about leaving the kids with only Josh in charge for a few days. Does he even know the pediatrician's name?
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Josh is going to keep things high on the Fun-meter, which means he's going to the Hamptons for a few days minus the kids.
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Kristen wishes that Josh could stay and hang with her parents for a few days, but the allure of the Hamptons is too strong. It's the last weekend of the summer, plus he likes that they do things separately.
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Aviva tries to talk it out with Reid. She really wants to go to Montana, but the doctor says no. As a un-biased party, what does Reid say?
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She's staying home! Reid thinks the trip would be irresponsible considering her health, so Aviva is housebound.
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Look at that face. Maybe the ladies will bring her a fun magnet or a Missoula shot glass since she couldn't make it.
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The ladies arrive at the airport and find that there are more bears in the Missoula airport than people. There's actually less people in their airport than there are in the lobby of Kristen's building during the wee hours. Hopefully Ramona packed lots of Ramona Pinot in that bag.
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The main refrain from the car -- "This is it?" There wasn't a lot to see as the ladies pulled up to the ranch, but surely they can make their own fun.
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"Now this is what I've decided, it's going to be Ramona Pinot Grigio, Huckleberry juice -- I'm just going to be drinking day and night, otherwise I'll be bored." Without a meet and greet for the guests, Ramona is planning on focusing on the cocktails. Plus rooming without Sonja's shadow and combining Ramonja with Carole should keep these interesting.
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The number one thing to do in Montana: cattle driving. So Kristen takes the ladies out to get into the spirit, but Ramona is more focused on getting photographed with a real life cowboy.
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Sonja hasn't been back on a horse since she was thrown during a ride with Kelly, and so she packs her lucky moonstones for hoping back on. Plus she gets a better horse than Ramona's Smarty.
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And Sonja gets right back into the saddle. Look at our girl go! Sonja's Sagittarius, remember, half-man, half-horse.
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The ladies head to dinner at the Ranch House -- which is attached right to ropers going to work -- perhaps too close for Ramona and Sonja, who think things smell like poo poo. But LuAnn thinks something else stinks -- and that's Sonja's facialist and her gossipy ways.
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Sonja thinks it's just in good fun. Doesn't everyone like to hear what's being said about them? Sonja just wants to imagine LuAnn with a whip having a good time. It's very European.
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LuAnn's doesn't think there's anything funny about the hearsay, and she's upset that Sonja doesn't she's offended. And so the Countess heads to bed -- but is the topic of Sonja's facialist put to bed? We think not.
