Amber: "What Did I Do to Deserve This?"

Hello all! 

So here we are. Last week, as you can tell, I was extremely angry. Although I have anger in me still, sadness and confusion is starting to set in. What did I do to deserve this? Why did the people I trust and consider friends turn on me and gang up on me in one instant, without any warning. I told Melissa because she asked me a direct question. We have all been in a situation when we tell a friend about a rumor we've heard, and I am no exception. If Melissa wanted to tell the twins, so be it, but she should have told me that she had a conversation with them or planned to have a conversation. She never even gave me a chance to fix the situation with Nicole or even share my side. She had very recently met Nicole. If she had told me in advance or we had a chance to sit down together, the outcome would have been a lot different. I have never experienced disloyalty and hurt like I have with Melissa. Why didn’t she give me a warning? I leave that question to you as I still to this day do not understand it. She may have helped me a little bit when the twins were going off on me in the basement of the party, but instead of having any concern for me, she starts munching on veggie sticks. It is all very hurtful to watch. P.S. Melissa, you know damn well that my hair is real and they are not extensions. 

Nicole says she wanted an apology. Hmm, well, I would have loved a chance to apologize, however she acted like a lunatic right off the bat. Nicole wanted a scene, not an apology. She made sure everyone was there, which kind of makes you think she planned it all along. We are all human, we all make mistakes, but we cannot go around attacking every person that speaks about our mistakes. I could have told her who was telling me the rumor and we could have dealt with it together. The fact that Nicole escalated the situation like that is just disgusting to me. She could have talked to me. I would have heard her side of it, and she would have gotten an apology out of me for not coming to her first. Maybe she reacted that way because she had no intention of just dispelling a rumor. Maybe there is more to it, and the reaction was a distraction from the truth…apparently, it is working.

The rest of the party is like watching a three ring circus. Where was the host? He was conveniently upstairs. The quote of the night from Bobby is, “We've been gone for ten seconds, this happened already?” This seemed to us like he knew that a confrontation of that magnitude would ensure, just not so quickly (sarcasm emphasized)! Watching the episode confirmed our suspicion even further that Bobby knew it was going to happen, when Bobby led the Joes upstairs for a “house tour” but instead was sitting having a drink. Bobby confirmed they just left the party downstairs and was surprised something “already happened.” Why didn’t Bobby say anything when the Joes were making fun of my husband as they walked up the stairs? Probably the same reason it took Bobby an hour to get our keys. I ask you, if a friend of twelve years and his wife were insulted and attacked by your guests, what would you do? 

As far Joe, trust me when I say this is a condensed version. Not only did my husband just watch his wife get ganged up on, Joe thought this was an excellent time to confront Jim on his reasons for not attending bowling night. It took a lot to provoke my husband to lash out as he did. Sad thing is, Jim never got a chance to know Joe because of the smack Bobby and Rino filled Joe’s head with about Jim. I have been raving about Joe for years, minus the fighting part, I really wish they got a chance (without Bobby and Rino’s influence) to know one another. I really think they would have gotten along. They are true family men, great fathers and husbands, and hard workers. I do not understand what was happening at that point, I just knew it stemmed from Bobby and Rino. Then Rino, a wannabe gangster, thought this was the perfect time to start in with my husband too! Again, why?! Rino and Jim never had any cross words with one another, not to mention they just had a drink with one another five seconds prior! He was downstairs with Jim while Bobby took the Joes upstairs. He just wanted to take shots at Jim for no reason! And Rino, newsflash, my husband is a straight edge banker, what did you think would be in my husband’s pocket? LMAO! Rino, you aren’t on the streets of Brooklyn, kid, you are in Colts Neck…start acting like it. 

Then the circus goes on further when Dina, Melissa, and Kathy all decide to lay into him about bowling night too! Did I miss the memo on how bowling night is considered sacred in these parts? My husband is trying to talk to Teresa and help her understand what it means to have a professional “conflict of interest” and that he is not being judgmental towards her or her family, yet Melissa, Dina, and Kathy think it is best to butt in. These women have never spoken to my husband; apparently, they thought ganging up on him was the best solution. Remember, we went to a party at Jim’s best friend’s house. Jim never met these people. Well, I got ganged up on, my hair pulled out, a drink in the face, and then strangers are giving my husband crap about bowling. And what was Bobby doing? He was playing games with our keys for an hour instead of getting us the hell out of there or telling anyone, “Hey, back off, these are my friends!” Wow! Sounds like a fantastic party to me! I don’t remember Bobby ever having a party like that before, either he changed once he started dating Nicole OR he wanted to look cool in front of his new friends. Bobby knew everyone had an issue with Jim for not going, and he was not man enough to stick up for his friend and tell the guys the truth. 

The next day, Bobby comes to our house and pretends like he did nothing… Really, is it normal to invite a couple over and have them abused by your guests? At a minimum he should have told us in advance that the guys had an issue and so did the girls. We would much rather have stayed home with our babies. Also, he should have told his soon to be “brother-in-law Rino” to back off. You are watching it and have background, but Jim and I had no idea what was coming. We were going to Bobby’s house like we had a hundred times before. For the record, we missed lots of nights out in the past and were never ganged up on like that for it. 

Side note to Melissa, after reading excerpts in your book on marriage and then watching your husband tell you to “shut up,” it does not lend much credibility to your opinions on marriage. More laughable is Joe saying how much he loves Joe Giudice and Tre. Does he not remember the fights, the name calling? He called his sister a scum bag and started a fight. Please, before you share your opinions of how you think my husband treats me, look into your own home. My husband treats me like gold. I appreciate your concern, but I actually feel bad for you, since your husband does not think before potentially putting you and your family in harmful situations like mine does. Also, if you ask an aggressive question three times in a posse and still do not understand the answer, don’t be surprised when the tone changes. It drives me nuts when a woman behaves in a nasty manner towards a man, then when they argue back they throw their hands up in the air and say, “I’m a woman, don’t speak to me that way!”. If you are going toe to toe with someone, then do just that. By the way, how do you know how big a whale’s vagina is? On second thought, do not answer that!

[video_clip_url:http://player.theplatform.com/p/PHSl-B/yT7k3t_YLXoZ/embed/select/spH50CI4mSj5]Melissa and I go to lunch and instead coming in with complete concern for my wellbeing, she lays into me on how it was my fault for getting ganged up on! It is clear that Melissa does not care about me. She did not have any empathy or even take some responsibility for why it occurred. Instead of owning a modicum of anything that happened, she twists it around to validate her actions. 

[video_clip_url:http://player.theplatform.com/p/PHSl-B/yT7k3t_YLXoZ/embed/select/AUl88OHbnF68]

And no, Joe, insecurity is when you hear a rumor and go ape sh-- on someone for it. Or you need to get aggressive to prove you’re tough. What I was doing was defending myself after being given no explanation as to why everyone was ganging up on me. Joe, you should realize that disputes can be resolved with simple communication at the right time. Last point, the Joes need to stop talking about my husband’s height, since they are shorter than him. And, everyone needs to most definitely stop talking about my husband’s penis. After three strong boys and a beautiful little girl, trust me, faculties are marvelous. 

I really want to move on to happier times. This is so painful to watch over. Although, I am so thankful for Teresa and Dina, Jim and I are still so sad to have been treated so poorly by the twins and Bobby after all we have done for them (they know what we did for them). The level of betrayal and twisted behavior is astounding. It seemed like no one was thinking with a level head or kind heart. I am not sure why Melissa is doing this to me. I have done absolutely nothing to her. Is she confusing me with the betrayal she experienced with Jan? I am not Jan, not even close. Frankly, I never understood Melissa’s obsession with Jan. Or is she mad because she feels like I am on her turf? As far as Bobby, if that is looking to me as a sister, then I don’t need another brother. My brother fights to the end for me and protects me at all times. He knew what we were going into; there was no remorse, not even a freakin’ heads up telling us to stay home! 

Thank you for all of your support. I had a wonderful time with Andy and David Arquette on Watch What Happens Live! David Arquette brought some levity to a very hard situation for me and my husband and gave me some really great insight. Andy made me right at home in his home. It was an amazing experience. 

Many blessings to you!

Amber

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