A Big Splash

Happy Mother’s Day!

Did everyone have a great day? What did you all do? We had a great day barbecuing at our house, we shared some our favorite mom stories, and with nine kids between my mom and mother-in-law, there was no shortage of laughter. I’m so glad that there’s a day to celebrate mothers, but folks don’t wait for just one day in May to show your mamma a little love. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture; sometimes it’s just a quick phone call or even a text. It can really make a difference in her day!

Now for my thoughts on this week’s episode. By the way, watching this play back is never that easy, especially because it is family. As you all know, we did live through this a year ago and most of our emotions have settled down since then, so it’s always difficult to watch when everything is churned up again. The other difficulty is to have to listen to what is being said about you when you are not around. I will admit and take responsibility, as I have in the past, for anything that I have said to hurt anyone’s feelings. While I’m not making excuses for myself or Richie’s comments, I can honestly say that they were not said to maliciously hurt anyone. We say things out of anger and frustration. We are human, and our emotions do get the best of us at times. In all fairness though, when I hear juvenile comments about me and Rich I feel hurt just like anyone else.

When Richie and I were discussing the events of the solstice party, I was giving my opinion about the comments Teresa made to her brother Joey about Melissa. Whatever her motivation was, whether she felt she was justified or not, my feelings are that she was wrong to say that to her brother. Again, that’s my opinion and I’m entitled to have one. I felt that it was a toxic statement that would serve no purpose other than to be hurtful. As you noticed I stayed out of that entire conversation and kept my opinion to myself where Teresa was concerned. I did not want to get involved because, as we all know, anything that I approach Teresa with gets taken the wrong way. I had made a conscious decision at the BLK launch party to try to mend our relationship. I don’t know exactly what Teresa is going through, and I don’t want to add another set of opinions to her plate that would overwhelm her, and quite frankly she would clearly not listen to them anyway. Richie, on the other hand, has had enough of seeing me continuously try to give Teresa the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for her comments and actions. Keep in mind that I’ve been doing this for years, way before we joined the show. I would make excuses for her actions because I felt she didn’t know any better and I would try to help her see another point of view. Richie has seen my hurt and disappointment time after time where Teresa is concerned, and like any loving and protective husband he’s fed up. His comments come from frustration. I will admit they are often over-the-top, but that’s just Richie. One of the most wonderful qualities that Richie has is to be able to assess a situation, and whether it’s in the form of a joke or a serious answer, he comes up with a solution. When he’s joking you have to know it, because it’s so ridiculous and sarcastic. But when he’s serious it’s logical and it’s a solution that will help everyone involved. He has the ability to see the big picture and the end result before anyone else even thinks about it. You’ve already seen that illustrated very profoundly this season.

I wish I could say the same about some of the other negative and adolescent comments that were made in this episode. Well at least now I know where the tweets about me looking like a frog came from. Ribbit! Ha! Ha! I thought that was pretty funny actually. A frog has big eyes and so do I. Ha! Ha! But just to quote one of my favorites, “Baby, I was born this way!” I’m glad Richie loves my big eyes. The other comments, however, not so funny. Teresa must have thought they were all pretty hysterical as well, because I didn’t see her interrupting Joe when he was way out of line.

I thought that the pool party that I throw every year for my kids and their friends would be the perfect way for everyone to get together and have some fun. Focusing on our kids enjoying the simple pleasures of summer would be a great way to remember what it’s like to be a kid again and enjoy fun times with your cousins. As it turned out there weren’t that many of Victoria or Joseph’s classmates there. I had no idea Richie told them not to invite that many kids. In retrospect it was just as well.

I’m glad that at least one person got the idea. I can always count on Rosie to be the BIG SPLASH of the party! Did you see how all the kids were scurrying to get out of the pool? Rosie’s expression after she surfaced was priceless! Obviously, very pleased with their reaction!

I tried to encourage Teresa to come and join the group, not to rehash or talk about anything deep, just to enjoy the kids along with us. I love watching the kids all play together while I’m with the adults. I like to call it collective joy! The energy is almost palpable. You can’t help but feel the love. That was my intention for the day, and I only wish that it could have lasted.

As you all saw, Joey was feeling nostalgic for how fun things used to be, and thought it would be a perfect time to have a little one-on-one talk with Teresa. I hope you all noticed his tone and how he started by saying, “It’s all positive.” That’s when all at once they were taken back to a happier time and then there was the brother and sister exchange that was really sweet. I really think that’s when it hit Teresa. Yes, I will agree it must be so exhausting to have arguing and fighting constantly going on, among the other things in life. Joey remained calm and tried to explain his feelings. It’s very sad that Teresa couldn’t understand what he was saying and the talk started to get combative. Teresa started to get defensive and started to bring up things that were irrelevant. The bottom line is that in order for a resolution to be successful, both parties have to accept responsibility for their actions. At this point it’s not a matter of who did what to whom. It’s more important to recognize each other’s feelings. Isn’t that what relationships are about? I guess you can imagine my disappointment that another attempt to have reconciliation had gone sour. I was so sad that the day had to come to such an abrupt ending.

I have to admit the best thing that happened that day was when Richie suggested to Joe Gorga that he and Teresa seek therapy to help them communicate constructively. It may not be traditionally how old school families solve their differences, and Richie is as old school as they come. He wasn’t even born in this country. My husband is so fed up with all this drama he feels it’s time to call in the professionals. It’s sure worth a shot since family and friends have been unsuccessful. What do you think? Will they agree to it? You’ll just have to keep watching to see if they take Richie’s advice.

Talking about feelings brings me to Jacqueline and Ashley. Watching them interact can be so tough sometimes. I was especially moved when I saw them both on Skype. You can feel the closeness and how much they love each other. I guess it’s true what they say that absence does make the heart grow fonder. In this case, it looks like what they need was just a little distance from their everyday.

Happy anniversary Caroline and Albert! All I can say is did you all see the way Big Al looks at Caroline when he talks to her? His eyes and smile say it all. They’ve worked hard together over the years, and it’s very endearing to see them tickling on the couch. That’s the definition of success. Enjoy the Jag, Caroline, it’s a beauty!

On a lighter note, our backyard is our sanctuary for family and friends. It’s what we look forward to all winter. I want to thank Patrick and Will from Eastern Outdoor Furnishings for helping us pick out the most incredible outdoor furnishings. Check out their websitewww.bbqsandmore.com.

See you all next week.

BTW, I’m going to keep posting the link for an organization and event that is so very important to my family and me. Victoria and I are honored to serve as honorary chairs for the 2nd Annual Brain Tumor Walk NYC, June 16th. For more info on how to join or donate to team “Victorious Angels” go to http://www.braintumorcommunity.org/site/PageServer?pagename=BTW_NY_Homepage&s_AffiliateSecCatId=2221

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Lots of Love,

xoxo Kathy