Fantastically Idiotic

Here we go: as I write this, I'm hiring a bodyguard so I don't get whacked today. Luckily in on my Midwest book tour for Naturally Thin, so I think I'm safe here. The Mall of the Americas should be a mob scene in and of itself.

OK, so last night was fantastic and idiotic all in one. Ya think Teresa may have tossed over the table for a little bit of dramatic effect? I don't even know where to begin. I will roll over all the details of the episode later, but let's get down to the meat of the matter at this last supper.

Let's talk about being sore from constant sex and how your husband is never not on top of you (even if you have stitches and are still under anesthesia), but we really shouldn't discuss some antique scandalous book (the contents of which Danielle's children already know) in front of the children. Huh?

Teresa, in her hot dress with her nice new rack, really outdid herself here. The entire Housewives franchise loves to speak of class and lack thereof, and well this performance just speaks for itself. How proud her family must be.

I loved Jacqueline's ability to stand up to "the family" during this one. I know that there is a lot of justified anger under the surface here, and Dina and Caroline aren't voicing exactly what they feel, but Dina seemed a bit sneaky here - like someone who can say it at Le Chateaux Salon but not to Danielle's face. Caroline treating this like a Godfather sit-down was equally as absurd. However, I strongly feel in my gut that they know a lot more than they're saying, and they just don't want to cross that line. I also think that this is the first strength that Jacqueline has ever had to cross her family and she liked the feeling of the power. I'm sure the residual damage is massive. Those thick thieves ain't forgetting. And Danielle, darling Danielle, she has orchestrated this whole fiasco to make her the victim in the most Machiavellian of ways.

What is so interesting is that this family has signed on for a reality show to divide them. No one is using this show as any sort of platform other than to be notorious. Maybe the event space will do well now. Dina, in fact, wants to retire, and spend quality time with her daughter. On camera? So now she literally is on the show just to be on television and for that fleeting glimpse of fame.

Truth be told, this cast is the only group that really are housewives. For the most part, they keep a family and a house. They've earned and kept the title intact.

I can't wait for more.