Romain Should Be Sexting Not Texting

Miami in the Fast Lane, starring Joanna and Romain!

Finally, Miami shows up! And it’s ORGASMIC. And it’s about time. Now I recognize Miami, the Miami I know and love. It's so exciting to see the supermodels, hot bodies, bikinis, sports cars, nightclubs, drag queens, hot tempers, boobs, pretenders, champagne, and the American flag.
 
This is the “Romain and Joanna take Miami” episode. Let’s start with the blonde bombshell in a skimpy negligee (and we know he likes vanilla not chocolate, thank you, Adriana!) sitting on top of the super hunk who prefers texting to sexting. "Show me a beautiful woman and I will show you a man tired of taking her sh--," he says. What was that about? Hmmm... Certainly no “climax” here.
 
Then fast forward to the thrill of Romain getting his citizenship; that was truly overwhelming. Was I the only one wiping tears away? What a special time for him and what a way to showcase Miami. This is the city that is the nucleus of many people’s dreams. Miami is inspiring for so many who started with so little other than their aspirations and dreams. It epitomizes hope, freedom, and prosperity and rewards you; if you work hard, you get to play hard. People from all over the globe risk everything and come here to chase the American dream. What a dream come true and such an inspiration for so many! You see, dreams really do come true. Isn’t that what life should be? Work hard, pay your dues, dream big, and make it happen. Congratulations, Romain, now that’s a “climax!” Who says you need sex to have a climax?
 
Intermingled amongst the “stars” of Episode 3 are the “extras.” That would be the rest of us. Compared to the accomplishment of becoming an American citizen and the blonde bombshell explosion -- well, some of the “extras” weren’t quite as exciting. Yawn.Thank you, Karent, for sharing the Skype a doodle with Rodolfo. I suppose some of us are curious, just not necessarily me. I hope your non-romance (according to some) romance (according to others) makes all your dreams come true. If you’re happy, I’m happy. Apparently not everyone feels the same.
 
And Adriana, the art gallery in the design district is filled with things that make your heart smile, so if you’re happy, I’m happy. I won’t be a spoiler, but as it unfolds, we will see that not everyone leaves your party happy. Stay tuned.
 
And then there are the “extras” that will do and say anything just to try to be relevant. Yawn. Snooze-fest.

Marta and Lisa, if it makes everyone happy, then move in together. Let’s just make it one big happy family. But "shoot me if at over the age of 25" I am having a friend move in so I can be busy. And if the highlight of my day is talking about my tits and ass. LOL!
 
Along come RJ and Freda -- welcome to my world. If they’re happy, I’m happy. Glad Roy was in Palm Beach working that week, or I may not have had time to do Freda’s hair.

And for me (one of the "extras"), well, I am working towards the annual charity gala, which has often been called the "party of the year." The one where those “unorganized” volunteers work year round for FREE and have been able over the last 18 years to raise well over twelve million dollars for of at risk kids that have no hope, no support, no family, and their only hope for a promising future are the volunteers that work tirelessly to help those who can't help themselves. Shame on anyone who would criticize a charity while being paid by the charity. Oops! But like they say, people will go to great lengths to justify their failures. I just cringe when they do it at the expense of a charity and charity volunteers; all while biting the hand that feeds them.
 
Enter diva Elaine Lancaster. Well Elaine and I go back many years. We aren’t “best” friends, but we are very good friends. Elaine’s best friends are people like Pamela Anderson, Zac Posen, and people whose names she wouldn't want me to drop. And she is welcome and invited into the biggest A-list celebrities’ homes and parties in the world -- people like Mick Jagger, Dennis Rodman, Kidd Rock, Jeremy Piven and so many others, the list is endless (just Google search her), and there is a reason for it. Elaine is a good friend to anyone who will let her be a good friend and has never sold out or betrayed a confidence. She always takes responsibility for her actions, who she is, and the character her counterpart, James Davis, has developed over the years. The diva is sometimes misunderstood, sometimes intimidating, and sometimes brings out the best in people and sometimes the worst. Being around a drag queen is sort of like being drunk -- it doesn’t change who you are, but it REVEALS who you are.

I have a lot of respect for someone who creates a vision from nothing and then makes it happen and works hard day and night to entertain people and help brighten someone’s day. Bless anyone who can spend five hours gluing on nails and eyelashes, and tucking away the obvious. That girl works hard for her money! And I love helping make her dreams come true. You haven’t seen the rest or the best of her yet. You go, girl, don’t let anyone rain on your parade! (Although some do keep trying.)I don’t know about you, but I was super duper shocked when out of nowhere came the Joanna explosion. Romain, you should have stopped the texting and had some sexting that day -- you know when a woman is hot she can only get hotter. And she was one hot mama that night. The best line of the night: “I felt anger filling my body.” Was that a blonde moment? Hilarious! Whew! But as much as I love Romain, Joanna is my girl, so you go, girl, don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel. At least you’re authentic and real, and I am not so sure we can say that about everyone. In fact, I am quite sure we can’t.

 
As the show continues, keep your eyes wide open. Watch to see who can fool some of the people some of the time. (As our 16th President Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.") Wonder who this stiletto will fit, if anyone. Haha, someone stop me, I am having way too much fun. You know I can't deal with stupid.And then the soap opera ending, poor Romain, walking away with his tail between his legs, his ten-year Mynt anniversary party went awry. But don’t feel too sorry for him, I have a feeling the making up was as explosive as the fighting. It's definitely worth staying tuned for!

Spread the love, keep the peace, and whatever else you do this week, "don't deal with stupid."

By the way, many of you asked about the handbag I wore at the premiere, it’s my personal design at www.leablackhandbags.com. And if you watched Watch What Happens Live, callers mentioned my face looked “refreshed.”  For all my beauty secrets, go to www.suddenyouth.com. Enjoy!

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