Joanna's "Model Meltdown"

"There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde

It seems we’ve exhumed the dead horse. The poor thing was quietly decomposing when we dug him up with yet another "romantic Skype session." It seems that all of Kadolfo’s (move over Brangelina!) romantic Skype sessions involve conversations about me. Could I be the fuel that ignites the fire in that relationship? If they didn’t have me to talk about, would they cease to exist as a "couple" all-together? He did admit to wanting a "harem," even if he did put the emphasis on the wrong syllable.

All kidding aside, the scene was a little sad. What woman has not felt the pain of unrequited love? Even if you are a 7-year-old in the second grade and Javier gave every single girl in the class a valentine with a pink, heart-shaped Sweet Tart lovingly taped to the back of the card except you -- and that made you feel completely invisible and ugly and chubby and buck-toothed and awkwardly tall, or something like that -- I vaguely remember. I believe we all deserve to be genuinely loved and appreciated. I hope that in time Karent will come to realize this and move past the mockery that Rodolfo has chosen to make of their "relationship." She deserves better, everyone does.

Lisa is a real life Barbie doll living a charmed life with her live-in cheerleader, companion, and pet project, Daysy. I like that Lisa doesn’t apologize for who she is. She likes her life and lives it as she deems fit. Good for her.I loved seeing Marysol in action. I especially liked seeing her subtle (as a freight train) flirtatiousness. Hmmm, I think she’s ready to move on, no?

I especially loved seeing Joanna and Romain together. Independently they are gorgeous, but together they look like the product of genetic manipulation. Yes, I am a fan. I think they should get married and produce equally genetically-gifted offspring.

OK, on to another uncomfortable kitchen scene with Beba “the loose cannon” Rodriguez and the sperm donor. First things first, Preparation H DOES NOT work! I looked like a blow fish experiencing water retention. Enough said. I’d like some brownie points for allowing the cameras to capture me in that state. So any comments should include something like: “You didn’t look that bad” or “You were so brave to put yourself out there that way.” Just some suggestions, feel free to come up with your own unique form of adulation.

Robert always came over at the most inopportune times, and while his dig about his girlfriend who is 15 years my junior (Age again? Really?) may sound mean-spirited, it was all in good fun. He has his own particular brand of humor. It is the only way he knows how to make light of a difficult situation. You will see this almost Pavlovian reaction again and again throughout the season. I let him get away with it, because the poor guy is having bowel movements which include rainbows, lots of them. I think he’s suffered enough.“Sore thumb,” “fish out of water,” “square peg in a round hole” -- clearly, I did not fit in at Mynt. I couldn’t even fake it. Even Lea looked more at home “in da club” than I did. Heck she even danced! To see me sitting there was like watching someone observing an uneventful tennis match. All I remember was a lot of he said, she said, he-she said, or, well, you know what I mean. Basically it was Wimbledon for drag queens. That whole debacle will take an interesting turn as the season progresses, so stay tuned for that.

Finally we get to what I like to call “model meltdown.” I tried to stay out of it, because I did not feel that it was appropriate to advise, console, or otherwise interfere when I had just met these people. For Lisa to offer an opinion or a helping hand made sense. Everyone else? Not so much.

Watching Joanna’s breakdown was both strange and endearing. Strange because her squeals and bouncing were very disturbing, but also endearing because she came to her sister’s rescue. As the mother of sisters, I appreciate the fierce loyalty that Joanna exhibited towards Marta. I now know that Joanna didn’t have an easy life and had to practically raise her sister. She probably witnessed Marta suffering through an awful break-up. It is clear that seeing Mr. DeeJay conjured up all those bad memories. I wish Marta could have appreciated that instead of yelling at Joanna. That being said, I felt awful for Romain. It was his big night. The 10-year anniversary of a club is a feat in itself, and he should have been able to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Those two have a lot of issues to work out before they can focus on that genetically gifted family. I really hope they do. OK guys, I am off to the hair salon to get just a few more highlights. Like the rest of the blondes, I want to “do it better” and “wake up beautiful!” Till next time…

Ana