"Some People are Not Destined to Be Friends"

I realized today that it's time I explained myself a little more and rather than writing my blog when I’m rushing in a cab or walking down the street or whilst on the phone, I am actually going to spend the time to write and express myself properly and address some major issues I have not yet relayed!

FYI, Charles and I were on the rocks and on the point of no return, probably even prior to filming this first season. But I’m not a quitter and kept trying to hold our new family together. It is unbelievably surreal watching my life last year in one of the saddest times in my life -- full stop.

I sit there and think -- is that my life??!! The pained expressions on my face -- I was absolutely miserable.

Lets get back to Aunt Francis Fiasco to begin with: I arrived on time nearly two hours before some of the other gals and their guys rocked up (heavy traffic? My ass!!) Charles was the only one not invited and when I left he was furious. I didn’t realize the other men were coming and I knew that when he asked me when I got home, who was there, he was going to go nuts! I had that in my mind the entire time. I had long chats with Aunt Francis that were not shown as well as offering to do all the cleaning up before an hours drive home again -- Aunt F told me the wine was off! Saw her too for a nice chat at the premiere party. Wish I had an aunty like her to go and see on Sundays!

Stacie was not around to be able to say goodbye to. The end.

As far as Tyra Banks crap -- REALLY??????? OMG if I ever wish I'd not opened my big mouth on that opinion!!!????? Talk about flogging that one to death!

All the other stuff I own. Good, bad, and the ugly.

Erika bollocks - oh dear -- Stacie’s single girlfriend that happens to be attached to the hip of Stacie for most "occasions." Every single time we met I would always make sure she never felt left out -- I knew firsthand about sometimes as a single mother turning up without a partner can be a little lonely at times. I made sure she always got a drink and brought her into conversations when she was standing alone. I stood out in the pouring rain one night just to walk in with her, so she didn't feel awkward when Stacie was busy etc. I NEVER gave her any cause to want to rip my head off. By the way obviously there aren't enough minutes in an episode, but that whole barrage lasted half an hour at least before I bowed out unable emotionally and unwilling to extend energy I didn't have, fighting her battle. BS. Very well-balanced. She has a chip on both shoulders.

Thank god for Lynda shutting her down and sticking up for me -- as a host of what was supposed to be an ice cream social, with our kids there listening next door, I was really disappointed Stacie let it go and also my dear friend Mary was mute. Who said she was in shock? Well sit in my chair then! That’s shock.

We are all different, thank god. That's what makes life interesting and the way we handle situations. Anyway Lynda and Mary left, came back to mine that night and loved me back to life -- mwa. God, they were hard days and hard nights! I put on a very brave face. But I'm a Leo through and through, but on the rare occasions my girls see me cry, I get so upset with myself for letting them see, but then we are all human, and it's OK to not be able to carry the burdens 24/7 sometimes. I can’t beat myself up about it.

The reason I didn’t engage with Erika at the gay marriage event was because every single time I saw her she would accost me (whatever the occasion!) and bang on and on about our differences! I didn’t want any distractions from what we were there to talk and educate ourselves on gay marriage. Enough Erika! Some people are destined not to be friends. It's fine.

Got to love Jason. He makes me laugh so much and really he gets me. He has been an awesome friend from the moment we met!

Finally I don't like to repeat myself normally but I am - THANK YOU so much for all your comments. I actually read every single one now as they give me hope, encouragement, and some criticisms I need.

My daughters are at school back in the UK, as that was always the agreement with their daddy back home. I miss them sooooo much, and seeing them every week on the show fills me with so many emotions. We have never been apart. Can’t wait until they come back to see me in D.C. very soon!! My unconditional love for them grows stronger every day. I’m so proud of them. The three of us were going through such serious turmoil back then, but I hope I have taught them some good lessons in life. They will never be victims and there will always be the mountains they too will have to climb. I hope I have equipped them well in lessons of life, if nothing else!

Funny old life isn't it? Only two more episodes, and I have a feeling they are going to be nuts!! Enjoy ... X

(P.S. my dress on WWHL was by Alice and Olivia for all those that asked!)