Sizing Up the D.C. Husbands

So far, Washington, I'm more interested in the men than the women. Let's start there. Tareq got more and more annoying as the episode played out, but in the first scene he was actually quite sweet as he showered his wife with birthday gifts, and made the best of her, um, effervescent name choice for Sparkle the horse. (Though how he thought that he'd get away with Michaele choosing only one item was beyond me.)

Rich cracked me up with his expressive eyes, watching Mary or Jason & Ebong and commenting with his face before speaking. I have to agree with him that if you're thinking of bringing the housekeeper on full time to deal with the daughter's dog and laundry, there's a problem.

Jason was so earnest. He has a patent! For penises! And he wants to share it with all his friends! I’m still not quite sure why measuring is needed, a sentiment which Ebong echoed. Lynda is all the measurement he needs, which is as it should be.

Paul had a birthday and out of all the madcap stylists Bravo has introduced us to, I really like him, his hair, his military jackets and Bill Cosby sweaters, and his ability to move smoothly between all the ladies without starting any fires. Yet. I can't wait to see him style the men.

Charles demonstrated to the viewers how he's been able to keep his job across bipartisan administrations, and was much more clear than his wife was last week. Don't let your own political feelings come into play – you are shooting pics of a person, not a party. Makes complete sense to me, though I could have done without Lynda ooh'ing and ahh'ing over his access.

What else happened this week? The Salahis took Cat and Mary through a preposterous riding exercise. Were they learning how to play polo? What was that, and why on earth were Michaele and Tareq seated on a red carpet with beer? And wearing jodhpurs? Where I come from we wear jeans to ride – even in Virginia.

Why did we need to see Michaele planning Paul's party? And why was it a competition with Lynda to do something bigger and better? Snooooooze. Let's get to Aunt Frances' dinner – does anyone else want her recipe for peach cobbler? I do. Cat needed to either drink the wine she brought herself, or pipe down. One point for wearing fetching knitwear, 10 points off for being awkward.

Why on earth did the Salahis show up late and in a white limo? Oh right, they like to make a splash, which apparently is more important than holding the birthday boy's hand when he was nervous. And the police escort? Champagne sabrage? Really? And Paul had to make his own toast? Ugh. The only reason there should be police at a party is at 3 a.m. to tell you to pleeeeease turn the music down and stop dancing with the valets in the parking lot. Oops, I forgot we're in D.C., not the Hamptons.

That's it for this week, and if you happen to be in the Hamptons this weekend, consider stopping by the East Hampton Library tomorrow night. We'll be there signing copies of Little Kids, Big City along with many other authors.