The Room

Ojai! (See what I did there, it’s pronounced "Oh Hi.")

Anyway, homonym aside, our 'Wives took to the open road, for a relaxing spa vacay with the whole gang. But before that Lisa and Adrienne tried to get their Maloof hoofs back on the right foot. Let's recap.

You're Beautiful
We open with Lisa and Adrienne sitting down to discuss Ad's floral peace offering and all that goes along with it. you could tell Adrienne was really hoping to mend fences, because she offered up several compliments to Lisa from the get-go and squirmed ever so slightly (at least according to Lisa's assessment). I know that when I am nervously offering a mea culpa, I always offer several aesthetic compliments. It's the kind of confidence-inducing bait-and-switch folks don't mind.

After making her wiggle a little (and apologize a lot), Lisa forgives Adrienne. However, it seems like it's heavy on the forgive, and lean on the forget, as Lisa thinks their relationship is forever changed, and Adrienne’s still waiting on her apology. . .brother.

Next we see everyone's favorite domestic goddess Martha Stewart Yolanda Foster. She's folding clothes in anticipation of Miss Kim Richards arrival. Before I address their conversation, I just want to go on record that I bet anyone five dollars that Yolanda can fold a fitted sheet perfectly. She just seems like someone who mastered that deeply difficult skill. Anyway, Kim is planning a trip to Ojai for all the gals. It's going to be a beautiful zen-like excursion. . .hopefully. Yolanda mentions she's a little rusty on the girls' trip protocol, so I hope Kim gave her a full rundown on avoiding conflict, packing light (yet also including escape clothes), etc.

Brandi Glanville, Accomplished Author and Model
Like all great literary giants, Brandi's best work was born of pain. You see, as she struggled with her divorce she wrote all her problems out. Realizing she's not the only lady who has been in a public divorce covered breathlessly by the tabloids, she decided that that info might be useful to the rest of the free world. And so, she wants to share those little pearls of wisdom with the world in bound book format.

The only problem: putting those pearls out under a title that involves the words "divorce" and "cancer." But with a little tweaking, a more conservative business suit, and perhaps a few dates netted by her main book man Michael, things are looking positive. Hoorah for Brandi being added to the illustrious list of Housewives with tomes! Fingers crossed she doesn't make any jokes about her fellow ladies in the dedication (also called, Teresa Giudice syndrome).

Next we see Brandi giving some serious face at a photo shoot for Beverly Hills Lifestyle. Lisa hooked her up with a gig (which will hopefully lead to even more gigs, and more fodder for her book). Lisa and Brandi being BFFs just gets continually more precious, with Lisa calming Brandi's nerves about her thumb wrinkles and her relationship with Kim. But as much fun as all that smizing and knees together business is, Brandi has go to rush. She is also off to Ojai as Lisa's guest. . . Yes, even though this is a Kim Richards' planned trip, Miss Glanville is welcome. Perhaps this will be the beginning of them building a bridge to friendship? Or at least speaking? Or at least not saying "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?" at each other.

Invite Only
And so the ladies begin to arrive for Kim's trip. As Taylor points out, this is monumental stuff here. Kim is not only showing up for an event -- but planning it. And as Kim says, she's opening herself up to mending her side of the fence with Brandi, even if it's something she doesn't particularly want to do. (Related: do fences have sides? Or isn't it one-dual-sided entity).

Thankfully our favorite friend Camille Grammer is along to loosen things up on the car ride by talking about Kelsey's privates. Ah it’s just like old times! Except now she has a new man's privates for comparison.

Everything at the resort is just divine. The scenery, the relaxing spa like vibe, the rooms with double twin beds. . .Ah yes, Miss Richards has one surprise. Some of the rooms are double occupancy, meaning the ladies will have to share, like plebes. Watching the faces of the women reacting was just priceless. Who likes bunking up really? Particularly when your bunkmate could be someone who you’ve once severely tiffed with. Or someone who snores. Quick, which RHOBH lady do you think snores? I'm too scared to say.

Finally Lisa and Brandi arrive, and after an awkward Euro-style kiss with Brandi, Kim gets right into it. Lisa and her newfound BFF are going to have to co-habitat. Frankly, I'd like Lisa and Brandi to be forced to sleep together in hotel rooms across America, going from dual occupancy motel to motel, showing off their jammers and shapewear and little mini frilly diapers for weeks on end.

Once they're settled the universe conspires to get the women to dinner and then to have Kim and Brandi seated across from each other. Kim takes the universes prodding as a sign, and mentions starts dinner off with a toast that beseeches the ladies to just enjoy each other and get along as best they can. Perhaps inspired by that, Kyle is even nice to Brandi, and they spend a few moments talking about her ex in a way that seems like progress.

And then Brandi and Kim start chatting, based on Brandi complimenting Kim's kids. Kim seems genuinely touched by this bit of news and the ladies launch into a heart-to-heart. Both ladies have been to dark places and bond over that. Things are going well, until Adrienne calls out her tears. Brandi doesn't appreciate that invasion and snaps back at Ad with a "shut the f--- up." And to think we only got through the beet salad before the fighting began.

Next week, we'll see how that resolves and hopefully find out what planet these women are from that they can't have a nice dinner (Yolanda, we've wondered the same thing). What are your guesses? Mars? Venus? Melmac? More importantly, who would you have worn frilly diapers with in Ojai? Leave me your choice for bunk mate in the comments.