See a New Me

Hi rveryone! I hope you enjoyed our first episode last night.

I apologize for my lack of blogging last season but it was honestly much too painful for me to watch. However this season I promise you will see some great changes. . .I am in a wonderful place and working hard on myself. My road to sobriety hasn't been easy but I am fortune enough to have a great support system. Rebuilding my life has had its challenges but it has been so well worth it! My children have been simply amazing!

As you can see from the first episode, I have a great relationship with my sister Kathy, we spend a lot of time together and really enjoy each others company. While at times we do have our moments, as sisters do, we rarely fight and never speak ill of each other. When it came time to find a dress for Kimberly's prom I knew right away that Kathy would be perfect person to help find a dress for the occasion. Kathy has a beautiful new dress line: Kathy Hilton Dress Collection and has amazing taste! So I was so happy to have her be a part of this very special process.

Going to Lisa's Villa Blanca party: I was very nervous and still very new in my recovery. The combination of a party and the conflicts with Brandi and my sister were all extremely anxiety provoking. The party aspect alone in early recovery can be so overwhelming! Then to top it off is the all the thoughts going through my mind. . .What are people going to think of me? What will they say? All eyes on me! At least that's what you think.

Then there was Brandi. . .I hadn't seen her since last year and we left on a very bad note. I want to start by saying that I have NEVER once blamed Brandi for my problem with alcohol. I am an admitted alcoholic and have been for many years! I will own and take full responsibility for my actions. It is something that I battle with every day and something that although was private for a long time because a public battle. However, what I do blame Brandi for is what she accused me of! It was completely false and hurtful! However as you learn in recovery that you must forgive and it is extremely unhealthy to hold negative feelings towards someone. It has definitely taken some time but I would say we have made it through. . .so far.

Then there is my sister Kyle, it's no secret we have had our differences. You have watched our ups and downs, our happy times and our sad times. After coming home from treatment I felt like my sister and I had a real shot at a new beginning. I knew it wouldn't be easy and a lot of damage had been done, but I felt encouraged to mend one of the most important relationships in my life. I saw her few times and things were fine on the surface, but then I just didn't see her at all. I didn't feel the same comfort that I had with my sister in the past. . .things were awkward. Before the party at Villa Blanca, I asked my life coach to come by for support and to help me process all of these feelings! Then within seconds of seeing Kyle she mentioned my niece Portia's birthday.

Underlying Sisterly Resentment

I have always made it a priority to always participate in all my nieces' and nephews' birthdays, graduations, and any school events. I have rarely missed any important occasion, even on last minute notice! I can't say that on my children's special days that the same as been done for them. If you recall Kyle never even let me finish my sentence at Villa Blanca that night. I was trying to explain to Kyle that I hadn't been home that long, and was still trying to put back the pieces of my life together.

The first step was starting with my children, they were my first focus. I tried to explain to Kyle that it was my first weekend having all four of them home together! In my new house! That was very exciting for me and them and was something we hadn't done in a year! I can't tell how I was looking forward to this!! I told her we would try to make it but in all honesty life is not always about a party. This my real life! I love my sister then and now! I think it's just so hard for her to separate.

Meeting Yolanda was such a nice surprise. She's pretty, kind, and I genuinely like her! Definitely a nice addition to our group!

Overall I am excited for you all to see a new me: a sober me. Of course we all have our moments, you will see me cry and you will see me happy.

But you will see me trying my very best to stay true to myself, my sobriety and most of all my children. I am happy to have gotten to spend time with such an eclectic group of powerful ladies. Here's to another crazy season of Housewives!