Brandi vs. Faye: An Orchid Off

Hello there my little truth cannons. Are you finding your truth has caused some troubles? And you can't sit down to dinner with some ladies because of it? Let's evaluate this episode and see if it's possible to break bread with folks in the wake of The Secret-gate.

You Lie
We open the episode right in the thick of Brandi and Adrienne’s confrontation. Adrienne leaves in a huff, with Kyle sort of pawing at the door wondering what's gone on (pensively pawing at doors means this was bad, it's the prime indicator of a truly heinous Housewives fight).

In the aftermath, everyone reacts. Kyle's first reaction is to ask Kim, whyever in the world she would have said something to Adrienne now. Kim defends herself saying that it simply couldn’t wait. Mauricio, on the other hand blames Brandi, and goes up to her and says as much. Meanwhile, Taylor has issues with the way that Paul spoke to a woman and the whole outing of a secret reminds her of a certain situation from last season, which enrages Camille. Hoopla abounds! Brandi escapes with her friend Darrin, who just desperately wants a glass of wine. I think all of the women deserved a carafe of wine after this. Lord.

We find out later that Kim blames Kyle for the whole kerfuffle. She lit the proverbial fuse by asking Brandi what was going on with her and Adrienne anyway. Kim just sees this as basic fire-control notes -- Don't hold a match so close firecrackers and then blame the firecracker she says! The answer is keeping matches in lock boxes, or drawers or something. Anyway, Kim is not taking the fall. She's taking her health into her own hands and doing exercises and going to Vegas for her son's birthday. She's going to spend plenty of time at the spa and away from temptation. There's no gambling on her sobriety here.

Gate Check
Meanwhile, Lisa is attempting to both nurse Ken back to health and get a new gate installed. Perhaps it was her fault for having it put in during tea time. Of course, Ken is just trying to wind her up. As is Brandi with those flowers. Watch out or Lisa might be strangling you next. She doesn't care how thirsty you are. Lisa is thirsting for people not bothering her.

Speaking of bothering her, young Scheana would love to set up a time to talk to Brandi. She wants to clear the air post the whole Eddie situation. Er, probably not a good time to surprise Brandi with more dramatics. Maybe just let her get past Secret-gate before delving into the depths of her past problems. Brandi's picking at her face already!

So Brandi gives Lisa the download on the drama and mentions that an unflattering story has cropped up with what she believes are Adrienne's fingerprints upon it. Lisa offers a zen-style approach to the situation. Now that she and Adrienne have made up she feels a great indifference towards the Maloof (ouch) and wants Brandi to just let it go. For the sake of her face! But Brandi's not going down without a fight. She fears Adrienne's power and believes things can get worse. How!?! This is already threat level orange of horrid tension.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
Kyle is planning a dining room dinner party celebration, and it seems now the guest list is in flux. Both Adrienne and Brandi are invited already, but Mauricio is not having it. He thinks Brandi is a Gossip Girl (she's somewhere in between Blair and Serena? Blarena?) and disgusting. But Kyle doesn't want to get involved, nor does she want to uninvite someone. Kyle has some positive feelings that perhaps the dinner could be a healing time. Maybe everyone will come and get along! Maybe this will be a dinner party vastly different from every dinner party in Beverly Hills in history.

Also invited to the dinner party is Faye Resnick. Faye, as she was in Season 1, is defender numero uno of Kyle. She hasn't exactly let go of all of the judgments of Brand-a-la. Faye is a card-carrying friend of Adrienne, and does not think Adrienne’s a liar. Will Faye jump up to the defense of the ladies' Richards and now Ms. Maloof. Is Brandi a girl or a pit bull? Is she a lady pit bull? What will happen?

Glengary, Glen Boss
Let's talk about Glen. In the realm of BH party planners, butlers, and chefs, my heart belongs to Glen. Why because he loves things like marscepone cheese, sage, and brown butter. And because he uttered my favorite line in many moons: "They're so skinny. We have to help them." Yes, help them Glen. Bring your legion of staff and feed these women until they are feeling as wonderful as you do.

The women start arriving (Camille in a side fishtail braid! Side pony 2.0), including Brandi (once again cloaked in sleeveless fur. It's really the only appropriate option for Beverly Hills). Adrienne is so far nowhere to be found. Neither is Yolanda, because of Donna Summer’s funeral, which I just have to mention because RIP Donna Summer. Feel free to take a moment to press play on "On the Radio," which you can listen to for the remainder of the blog. Also MIA, Kim who took the party bus to Vegas, a fact that seems to displease Kyle since she doesn’t feel like she was exactly invited.

As the ladies are discussing the many women who politely sent their regrets for the evening, the topic of Adrienne comes up. Brandi doesn’t exactly hold back, mentioning that perhaps Adrienne just ordered her book deal on Amazon Prime or something. Faye doesn’t take kindly to that comment and starts trying to jump into it with Brandi, but Kyle jumps in calling for a cease fire to the whole kerfuflle. The sooner Brandi apologies the better. How about flowers? Do you think Brandi should just send the same giant forest of an arrangement from the Sur anniversary?

Faye and Kyle are really pushing the apologize now angle. Frankly, I was surprised they didn't pull out a cellphone and ask Brandi to call from the table. In their mind, if Brandi is sorry, why isn’t she sorry right now? Lisa on the other hand, doesn't think Kyle has behaved along these exact lines in the past. Then those two get into it. Kyle thinks it’s just because Lisa doesn't like Adrienne. Faye thinks an orchid is the answer.

Then sweet Marisa Zanuck pipes up to agree with Brandi. Faye mentions Marisa doesn’t even know Brandi. It was like that scene in Mean Girls and Faye just chimed in "She doesn't even go here."

Faye then accuses Brandi of "spewing your lies,' leading Brandi to walk out of Kyle’s perfectly remodeled dining room and out into the night. Will Brandi go out into the night to speak ill of Faye? She says no since “she doesn’t care” about her, but of course we’ll have to wait until next week to see.

What do you think fans? Is there a floral arrangement big enough to patch this up? Did Glen make enough delicious food to save this dinner party from utter ruin? Leave your thoughts in the comments. And hey, happy holidays to you and yours!