Phaedra's "Firsts"

Today marks two "firsts" for me: my first season on the show and my first blog. Just as an obituary can't fully capture the essence of one's life, neither can 12 minutes of a 46 minute episode show who I am. But, in an effort to give you more insight on who Phaedra is, I will tell you that I am most proud of being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. 

After watching Episode 1, three subjects immediately came to mind: dispute resolution, disappointment, and friendship. In life, everyone will face these three matters, however, the true measure of one's character will depend on how you address the disappointment and how you work towards effective dispute resolution. Ultimately, how you manage disappointment and disputes will determine the level and types of friendships you are able to attract and maintain. This experience has made me realize that some of the most important lessons that I will learn in life surround friendship.  

In this episode, Dwight expresses to me his disappointment with Sheree. In an effort to support and be empathetic, I made a sweeping judgement about Sheree. I added my two cents because I wanted to be a good friend and give him the support he needed. I didn't really know Sheree, but I do know that there are two sides to every story. After seeing the episode, I called Sheree and discussed it with her, because now we are friends, and as friends, I wanted her to hear my frame of thought at that time and most importantly I didn't want to offend her. My Mother always taught me that, "If your brother does something wrong, go, confront him when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother." Matt. 18:15

As the show continues, NeNe expresses her disappointment with Dwight by lashing out at him in public. All of the conflict looms around things that others allegedly said or things they supposedly did or did not do. As an attorney, often my job is to effectively resolve disputes. Unfortunately, disputes usually stem from someone's disappointment. When disappointment escalates to anger that's usually when my phone rings. Sadly, friendship often involves disappointment, hurt, and anger. While it's not usually intentional, it happens. Friends are human and humans often make mistakes. We fail to do things, not because we don't care, but because we forget or just don't realize how important something is to our friend. However, the underlying questions have to be: Do friends forgive and forget? Do friends give eachother the opportunity to be heard prior to discussing it with others? Can friendships survive disappointments? My answer to all of these questions is YES!

This show is about a group of diverse women attempting to navigate the bounds of friendship which can resemble a mismatched jigsaw puzzle. However, as adults we have to communicate and leave the screaming to our children. I hope this season I am able to be a part of the solution and not the problem…but we will see.

Xoxo,

Phaedra