Train Wreck TV

Here I go, into the shark tank again. Every time I write this blog, I get attacked (which is frankly why I love writing about this show.) Truthfully, no matter how many negative things we want to say, this (like my show) is train wreck television at its best, because the ratings are flying through the roof.

We hate to love and love to hate this show and these women, and we better get used to it because they're here to stay.

So let's get down to it:

I can't write this without being catty, so here goes: Kim is 29??? Now, I'm no spring chicken, and I feel like I look 50, but she certainly doesn't look 29 to me. I thought she was in her 40s. I do think she's pretty, but I tend to think that lots of jewelry and makeup ages you. I bet she's prettier straight out of the shower.

She seems in love with this big pappa figure. All of you say he's married (which I'm sure is the case) but how come none of you investigative reporters have gotten the dirt? I order an arugala salad and the whole city knows. She has a married sugar daddy in a major metropolitan city and no one's got the goods? Get to work.

I found it hilarious when Kim said that she didn't want to show cleavage while marketing her country-singing career. Here's a tip: show the cleavage at the Grand Ole Opry and put it away at your daughter's birthday party. Just a thought.

So she's having her Jo (from The Real Housewives of OC) moment and embarking on a singing career. Can we please hear her sing? Just a note. Anything. The viewer needs to hear something. She apparently hired some major producer. Let's just see what he can make of her. How much did big pappa shell out to this guy to try and make her a star? She's got the power now. She could probably blackmail big pappa into anything to just not say his name on camera. But evidently "he's the one," or so she says. This storyline will be fun.

Now on to DeShawn. She has the modest goal of raising a million dollars for her charity benefiting teenage girls and raising their self-esteem. If she can raise a million bucks in a night, a lot of self-esteem will be raised. She has set an incredible goal, and I will eat my words if she accomplishes it. Atlanta isn't feeling this economic crisis if she gets that done, and I just may have to move there and join that cast. Good luck DeShawn. I like that she has set the bar high.

NeNe. Her breasts are enough to entertain the viewer for the entire hour. Those dogs are all over the yard.

She said that they are getting 10 million dollars of diamonds to auction off at this event. Now that is truly impressive. There is some serious money in New York, but I haven't seen anything that extravagant at the events that I've attended. I love that the Atlanta African American community in Atlanta is giving back. They're grateful for what they have and they're sharing. Total props for that. Live in any size house you want. When you're appreciative and give back to your community, there are only good things to say. I like this storyline too.

There is talk of bidding off Sheree. NeNe makes some snarky comments about bidding two dollars on that "bitch." Meow! This is a rivalry that won't die soon.

As a side note, ya gotta love Kim's French manicure and fake nails. Brilliant.

NeNe is the funniest in this cast by far. When she said about Kim, "I've never even heard this girl hum," I cried. I think I fell off the couch. Again with the NeNe boobs. They don't stop. They're always there.

The father issues definitely give NeNe a textured, emotional side. Truthfully, everyone has issues and their stuff. It's what makes us who we are. Every reader and every member of that cast has "stuff." We are the products of our parents' unresolved issues. It's what makes us who we are. Her husband is supportive, which is sweet. That's all I'll say about that.

Back to Kim. I find it amusing and ironic that she is pushing this singing career while chain smoking. She is ashamed to sing with NeNe. When they were in Kim's house with NeNe dancing and singing, I was dying laughing again. NeNe says, "maybe you can hum and get a Grammy." That is beyond hilarious. I can't stop watching NeNe.

Sheree is trying so hard to be the classy one (and she probably is) by not saying anything negative and just complimenting Kim's record producer. She is LuAnn (from my show.) She is Switzerland. She has an opinion, wants to say it, but she's keeping it diplomatic.

Then we get to NeNe's letter from her extended family discussing her questionable father. I'm sad that she's sad. It seems that her husband realizes that people are just looking for handouts. I wonder where this story will go. Again, he's supportive. He is Bobby Zarin, a supportive husband. Then we go with DeShawn to the Baptist church. I love that she goes every Sunday. I love people who are appreciative and grateful no matter what religion. I'm not particularly religious, but I am a spiritual person and being grateful is the most important thing. Before I go to sleep, I thank God or the universe or whatever being or energy is out there for everything I have.

About Sheree and this charity - who cares if you have to have lunch with someone you find unattractive? How superficial can you be? If someone is flattering enough to bid on you for charity, have a glass of wine with that person. Hello Ms. Self-involved and self-important. Maybe I started to feel that way when she said that every woman wishes they could look like her, that she's 38 and she's hot. Who thinks like that? And who says that? I'm 37 and I'm pretty sure that every woman wishes they could look 15 years younger than me, with better skin, less dark circles and fewer wrinkles. Sheree, get over yourself and your shoes.

Okay Lisa, stop with the smoking. Another great line was when NeNe gracefully asks her, "Where's the wine bitch?"

NeNe making fun of the country songs about the giraffe and summer days was beyond funny. Then she does a hilarious rant about how no one could like summer days in Atlanta, and how they like air conditioning. NeNe's analysis of a country song is award winning. She did, however, enjoy the lovely ballad with the lyrics "tardy for the party." This stuff is good. Kim mentions to the audience that unlike NeNe, she is very timid. Yes, timid. I know, we could tell by the makeup, jewelry, your rack hanging out and the parking lot wardrobe change. Timid is what comes to mind.

And then there are a few other touching moments: Kim throws a cigarette butt on her own lawn and Dallas cracks up laughing at Kim's choice of music. This stuff is too good to keep. Stay tuned until next week, and keep beating me up with your comments. I can take it. I asked for it.