Let It Rip

OK, so some of you were a little disappointed that I was a little bit soft on the girls last week. Maybe I was tired, maybe I was having a compassionate moment, or maybe it was the meds. Regardless, I'm ready to roll because this five-car pileup was one for the books.

Before I rail into them, I'd like to clarify something that is my bad - hair extensions (worn by several Caucasian women) is the same thing as "weave." I didn't realize it was the same. I suppose white broads just use different words. Now on to that ridiculous hour of a reunion. Hot-lanta will never be the same. I will start by saying one nice thing about Sheree. Her dress was great, and it something I would wear, and her face was pretty. That hair though looked like the tail of a Kentucky derby horse (while we're on the topic of a weave). The bangs or that wave of a swoop in front was a little much. She was consistent in having that arrogant, better-than-everyone way about her. I believe Kim is 30 if she tells me so. I feel like I look old. She mentioned the makeup and hair that she WAS sporting when she looked exactly the same as she always does sitting on that couch.

The question about these women "representing" African American women annoyed me. For the record, no one is looking to these women to educate the world on black women, just as my cast doesn't give a necessarily true representation of women. These ladies represent a wealthy group of entertaining women who make good television. I don't think it should be taken seriously. Rosa Parks, Queen Latifah and Janet Jackson are also black women and they're all different. Furthermore, I'm not into the black vs. white thing. We're all women and we're all different. I loved NeNe's answer to the stripper question, when she said that she strips for her husband. Whether it's a diversion or not, who cares about her past?

I couldn't get over the moment when NeNe ripped into Kim by telling her to close her legs to married men. I got a lot of heat for calling the show Cribs meets Jerry Springer, but correct me if some of those moments couldn't have been on an episode of the Jerry Springer Show?

Phrases like "beat my ass," "back my ass" and "you watch bitch" were used. Very classy. Kim's album drops in January. Maybe she'll call it Trashbox Hooker, which is what NeNe affectionately called her. I agree with NeNe that it all comes out in the wash.

Then Kim started in about her imaginary illness, which she couldn't seem to define. However, it's lovely that she had "almost cancer" but started smoking again. She's a real rocket scientist. However, I'd still rather spend an afternoon with her than Sheree. Kim is entertaining and harmless.

Sheree was too good for the facial, the barbecue and the charity event. Can you say holier than thou? She did spare us the details of her divorce settlement, but assured Andy that that info will be forthcoming. What a beating. I was reminded of the scene where Kim said that she and Sheree looked alike. That made me laugh out loud. I also loved the toast Kim made, "Here's to being real." I loved the fact that they admitted the overkill of the "no, you're more beautiful" fawning over each other.

DeShawn is sweet but a bit of a snooze. Did she even speak? She certainly doesn't take a position on anything, and judging by past seasons of the O.C., housewives are as replaceable as water. She better jump up on that couch and slap someone soon.

NeNe was spot on about Shree's clothing line. It is absurd that Sheree would have a line while being clueless about sketching and sewing. Sheree is delusional in saying that most designers don't sketch or sew. Has she ever actually watched Project Runway? That was moronic. I didn't actually remember that Sheree was that abusive to her staff, but her bossy manner makes that no surprise. Also, Sheree is no classier than NeNe. Just because NeNe doesn't always wear a bra doesn't mean she has less class. Being real and nice to those around you is classy. Also, love that short haircut!

The real surprise was Lisa laying into Kim and saying that she would flip her over the couch and that Kim was messing with the wrong one. Lisa is ripped and seems like a badass. The show was entertaining and should boost ratings for their show, as well as mine. Keep it going girls. You guys were phenomenal. You raised the bar. You were entertainment at its best, and I thank you all. And Sheree and Kim - don't hate. When they stop talking, start worrying!

Until next season.

B