Know Thyself

And we're back. Well, the ladies weren't as outlandish or amusing this week, or maybe I'm just getting used to the antics. The funny thing is how contagious it is and that Kim is slowly becoming the most entertaining by far. Television is here to entertain, and I am thoroughly entertained. I'll try to be a little bit more brief than usual.

So we start out on Cori's boat. Thank you Kim for letting us know that you paid your chef so much money. Those celery sticks did look intricate. I just hope he didn't overwhelm anyone with some foreign dip like guacamole. There really is a 6th housewife and her name is Chardonnay. Without her there is no show, and she is in every scene. I don't think she'll be going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, Kim was willing to drink hers with or without sand. I do actually find Kim refreshing and hilarious because she really doesn't give a crap. Her Gilligan's Island line, her unapologetic smoking and drinking, and her general personality make her an irreplaceable character. With five Lisa's or Deshawn's, we'd be running to TNT to be entertained. I'm not even going to mock them for not knowing how to start the boat because I guarantee you that it would happen to me. Know thyself.

Then we move to the gratuitous yet boring scene of Ed working out. This is the foreshadowing to his return to football, so I suppose it was necessary. Yawn. Get me back to Kim, NeNe and the ever self-involved Sheree so I can be entertained. Sheree has a meeting about her line She by Sheree. Why did she stop at She? Why so modest? It should be called ME by Sheree. Just get to the point. I have to admit, the sketches looked good. Let's see what this brings.

Now to NeNe's big hat brunch. She looked great. She looked great in her hat and outfit, and in fact, all of the women looked great. I grew up going to the racetrack, and wearing big hats is fun. It is nice to see tradition stand the test of time. As for the charity and NeNe's speech, she did phenomenally. I grew up in a house with domestic violence, and I think this is a very worthwhile charity. NeNe discussed it without making it a pity fest and sob story. She stated the facts, she was inspirational and she raised almost 20k. Well done. It wasn't this outlandish setup for disaster like DeShawn's event, but a simple, to-the-point charity. She should be proud. She is a survivor. That is obvious.

Thank you Sheree for yet again throwing your husband under the freight train to let us know how terrible he is, how he crushed your dreams and how he held you down. I'm a big believer of not trashing an ex (much less in an environment where they can't defend themselves.) I also don't think it is respectful to her children who are old enough to watch. He didn't sign up for this. Trash your castmates. Trash me for god's sakes. We all signed up for this toxic journey. I did like Sheree's "lifestyle consultants" idea about blowing up the sketches and showcasing them next to the designs.

One question - why does Sheree have a publicist, assistant, lifestyle consultant, personal shopper and so much more? Seriously, and I am not trying to be catty, does she have a career? I thought her husband was holding her down and this fashion was her first venture. Someone enlighten me. She made it clear who she wants at her fashion viewing - "ballers, the who's who, and of course socialites." Am I the only one who is going to blow their head straight off their shoulders if they have to hear the word socialite again? How about we get accurate and start using the word "fauxcialite?" Then we cut to DeShawn who suggests a sunset BBQ to NeNe, in which NeNe is sandwiched by Sheree and Kim. NeNe gracefully says fine, but that she will "elbow the bleep" out of one of them." She also says, "I'm not gonna pretend to like either one of those bitches." Well said. Then we have a token dig where NeNe comments on Sheree pretending to be a designer and we can move on.

Then to Sheree's casting call. Please make the lambs stop screaming! Why must I endure an idiotic scene as if Madonna was going on tour choosing her dancers? Just when I was trying to keep my skinny-girl margarita down, I have to hear that they will be painting She by Sheree on these poor men. My personal favorite was when Sheree insisted that they pull their pants down. Her ex-husband must have been so proud. Then they decide, let's mock one of these nice men by commenting on his physique. Sheree, not all of them can have the Xena Warrior Princess arms that you have.

On to shopping: DeShawn and Lisa are the NFL and NBA wives, respectively, and I felt a little tiny twinge of unhealthy competition between them. I learned that the NBA has guarantees, while the NFL is a less secure life. DeShawn, as cute as she is, let Lisa know that she has no spending boundaries and lives up to the bling image that the NBA wives supposedly possess. I personally just love the B-roll when the camera just randomly scrolls through luxury labels all over Atlanta.

Now to Sheree's meltdown. Evidently, her seamstress dropped off these disastrous samples in a plastic garment bag that were seriously wretched. Having been through this exact process, why wasn't she managing her staff? She should know the piece goods (zippers, buttons, etc.) much less the fabric, and she should have been monitoring their progress. You don't just tell someone to sew and pray for the best. The biggest names in fashion are sitting in their design studios until the very last minute micromanaging every last detail. If she wants to be in "Milan, Paris" and all over the world as she says, she might want to get her ass out of the mall and near a sewing machine.

I did feel a little bit bad at her cluelessness, but I felt worse for the women who got ripped a new one. I doubt that the seamstress had any guidance. Thank God the world doesn't know her name thus ruining her business and life. Kim came over for a bit of lukewarm condolence, but sadly she forgot to put pants on. It could happen to anyone.

DeShawn went through with her BBQ. I can't help but like her and Lisa. They really are sweet. DeShawn is beautiful with such a sweet personality. As luck would have it, Sheree simply didn't want to go. She eloquently said, "I don't feel like it." Um, do they not have phones in Atlanta? Can't you have the class to call? Kim was right up there with not wanting to eat chicken with the group. Maybe she doesn't know what chicken is either. The rudeness of not calling is inexcusable. Poor DeShawn. First the charity then the barbecue - she might want to stick to attending other people's events.

Down to the really important things in life. Sheree's main priority is having a dress "that no one else is gonna have" for her fashion event. She ripped the sales girl at Intermix for doing the forbidden and selling the same dress to someone else. Why didn't Sheree make herself a dress? If we have to rely on her dresses and Kim's songs, we'll have naked silence. Sheree's grammar is really coming through particularly when she called her designs a "hot ass mess" and when she says "I've already went to the it people" when referring to her event. I have no issue with poor grammar, but don't act like you're some socialite fashionista who's better than anyone when you can't properly form a sentence.

Sheree's fashion party was noticeably missing fashion. I liked the ice sculpture, but the body painting was a bit sloppy. It was particularly kind of Sheree to invite her ex-husband to put him "in a bad place" and to let him know how far she's come. It wasn't classy. He didn't know what he was walking into. No bien. NeNe and Dwight discussed the fashion-less fashion event. He is one creepy character. Please never show me his feet, his legs, or his French manicure again. You really need a strong stomach for this show. I also don't need the visual of his thrice-daily sex regimen. I actually have seen feet that pretty and I think they were on Shrek.

Lastly, while these women will already hate me, I may as well go the whole way. Why was Lisa swimming in the pool in a white knit cover-up while not even touching her face with water? Go swimming. Enjoy. We see a turn in this plotline because Ed will be playing for Oakland. He was really sweet when he said, "I'm always with you baby." I really like them. They'll weather any storm. He just wants to play and go out on his terms.

Then to the paternity test. I was sure that it would say that Curtis was her father. When I saw that it didn't, I gasped. I learned from the envelope that her real name is Linnethia. Her family was really sweet. Brice said "nothing's gonna change." What a moment. What a frustrating situation, particularly because I don't know how she will ever find out the truth. What is true is that she has her family and that is all that matters. Just because someone is biologically connected to you, doesn't mean that they are good family. She is probably better off. This show has dimension. I'm in, I'm hooked and I'll be back next week. b