Paris Is Burning...

The Paris situation was such an ordeal that went on for what seemed like weeks. It's all we talked about constantly, but nothing was ever really resolved. What was initially a very exciting, fun idea turned into a colossal nightmare that began eating at our relationships with one another. I stopped trusting Taylor and Rachel and felt like I couldn't talk to anyone because my every move was watched or being tested. The sense of paranoia that ensued as a result was almost unbearable.

To break it down: Jobs started coming up and Rachel said that one of us needed to stay behind. One of the jobs was with Jen Garner, who I did not really have a working relationship with. Taylor is her point person so I thought that it would be odd if I just showed up to do a fitting with her without a real introduction. Taylor and I had briefly discussed it and I thought we came to a decision that it would make sense that she stayed behind. Also, considering her track record of not really wanting to go to shows, meet designers, and go to parties, I didn't think she would want to go.

While Taylor and Rachel were on set together doing a job, I got a text from Rachel asking me if we had come to any decision and I said that Taylor was going to stay behind because of this job, but that I would do whatever Rachel wanted. I didn't hear anything back from her. It was also suggested that I would go for a few days and then come back to LA early, but I said that didn't make sense and that I would just rather stay in LA than travel to Paris only to turn around again. Ultimately I wanted Rachel to just tell us what was going on ...

When taylor told me about the intention of the text and that Rachel was hoping I would respond in a certain way, I was extremely upset. It was clear to me that I had been set-up, which angered me a lot, because I am not a confrontational person and although I would've been disappointed, I would've been fine with any decision. I wanted to get Rachel on the phone immediately to get it resolved, however she didn't have time to really talk. During the phone call, my work performance was questioned, which took me off guard. I had just completed an NY tour and a European tour with a client, plus awards season - I felt I was doing an amazing job! My comment about "my best not being good enough" was not said in haste. I really felt I was giving 110%. Needless to say I thought it was important that Rachel and I clear the air and that she knew how I felt with how everything was handled.

I did not think it was fair that Taylor was left to be the "bad girl" in all of this. She was put in a super awkward position and I know it was difficult for her to reach a decision. I was really touched that she chose for me to go because after all the back and forth it became clear that she really wanted to go to Paris, especially to Chanel. Her decision to let me go made me love her more (even though I didn't think that was possible).