Where Vawn and I Are

And we're back!

The next morning I was still so upset about drama at the fashion show and needed to vent so I called Vawn. He's always a good sounding board for me and I can definitely count on him to get me out of my funk. I still feel that everything that happened in that bathroom was unnecessary and there is no coming back from that for me. (Sidebar: yes I'm a proud member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. . .my fave coffee mug.)

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I was glad to see that Sincerely stood up for me and was most of all -- fair. I've never asked her to take sides in any of this drama from the very beginning and I appreciate that she called a spade a spade. I'm proud of all of the steps I've taken in my career and excited for everything that is to come. If "failure" means being on billboards, in magazines, and film/tv then sure I'll be a failure all day lol. And she is right, I will never be the next Beyonce -- I'm too busy being Africa Miranda. I also never said anything negative about Mrs. Dilworth and the fact that my fellow New Atlantian (no i'm not saying her name anymore) would even suggest that her mother would also be violent is very, very sad. Moving on. . .

The real star of this show is Little Vawn! It's great watching the two of them interact, and I respect that Vawn is very much a hands-on dad. It is also hilarious that -- as you can see from my amazing basketball skills (not lol) -- that this 10 year old would absolutely beat me in a one on one game!

Emily and Emily. . .woosah! It is very hard to maintain a friendship and work together. I worked at a small business for almost five years for one of my closest friends, and it is definitely a balancing act. We had our ups and downs but never anything like this. In these situations you have to be SUPER clear on what your expectations are so that everyone understands from the outset. It seems like both Emilys had different ideas of what it means to work at Raw Denim. I hope for the sake of their friendship they are able to sort it all out.

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So yes I was clearly in my "missing Brooklyn" phase this episode. I love making turbans and different kinds of head wraps out of my scarves.

I wanted Emily to have a chance to really talk to Vawn one-on-one and get to know him on her own without all of the hoopla of a party or other distractions. When she said she was having a BBQ it seemed like the perfect idea. I'm not surprised at all that the two of them got into a "healthy" debate outside. At least now she can hear it from the horse's mouth. I will say though not to take any debate with Vawn casually. . .you will be left feeling like "Hey wasn't I making a point here?!" He and I have very spirited convos and it's one of my favorite things about our friendship.

The scene with Vawn and Gas in the gym is probably my favorite of the episode because it reminds me of the gym scene in Boomerang which is one of my favorite movies of all time. And I like watching men workout. . .LOL!

Doesn't everyone get ready for the club by candle light?! Monica is very much the Thelma to my Louise and I knew I was going to need a good wing-woman for the night.

I was excited about Gas' birthday and I honestly didn't forsee any of it going down the way it did. As I said, I am definitely more "dive bar" than Vanquish these days but I do still like to go "out out" and celebrating Gas was a great reason. It is funny to me though that the guy I used to see with the gaggle of girls is now my friend and someone that I care about and spend alot of time with. I've also dated guys in the industry and athletes so I also am not naive about what comes with the territory. With all that being said however I was not happy or OK at all with how the night ended. I didn't come to the party with Vawn and I didn't plan on leaving with Vawn. . .but I also didn't plan on watching him leave with someone else either.

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We've talked about "where we are" and "what we're doing," but in that moment I was upset, embarrassed, and just plain in shock. That was the literal personification of me being "in my feelings." And now what in the world am I supposed to do about it? I'm not used to having such a large audience for my romantic meltdowns. . .so to relive it with all of you is. . .alot. I don't claim to have it all together; and this was definitely one of those moments where I'm just at a loss. So do he and I need to talk? Uh. . .yea.

Till next time. . .