Cruz Control

Hello my fellow lovers. Besides the very precious baby toddling around this episode, we had a few other men that perhaps had yet to rise to their full potential. This week Patti took on brothers (for the second time, the Manzos blazed that trail), Abe and Dave -- Christian clothing entrepreneurs. In honor of the boys religious tendencies, my Dos and Don'ts are a little more formal than usual.

Thou Shalt Not: Steal
Not only is Patti dealing with a band of brothers this week – she's dealing with one brother who's spent some time locked among other gentlemen -- in prison. Abe has a bit of a checkered past. . .

However, more power to him, he's Shawshanked his way into a new life, and he seems pretty rehabilitated. One wonders how many handsome men she's sent to the big house in her time though. Most people can only say they sent their exes into a pint of Ben & Jerrys.While Abe was stealing things for his ladies affections, Dave was busy having his heart stolen by his former flame. Apparently his ex-wife cheated on him, and this bruised little brother is having a hard time reentering into the dating world.

This is some Legends of the Fall ish right there. Which brother would you choose? David is kind of adorable, but there is a little bit of a charmer in Abe too. Thank g-d Brad Pitt didn't ride up on a horse or I would have never been able to choose. We shall see who Patti manages to find for both.

Thou Shalt: Temper their love of pink
Didn't we all learn a lesson from Robin that pink is best in moderation? Or in your formative years? If someone can draft a line of questioning about what things you have that are pink, you have too many pink things.

As an adult woman with a tasteful pink bedroom (it's really "blush"), you are giving us all a bad name. Why don't you just carry a Bratz backpack and go full tilt with your obsession? Also, unless you got off the plane from Hawaii mere moments ago, please take that flower out of your hair. There is no one here waiting to see you hula dance.Thou Shalt: Not choose a religion to identify with based on your preschool
As if Pinky the Brain wasn't bad enough, Patti was also forced to deal with this young lady, who had some interesting thoughts about the way people identify with religions. Apparently, your faith is determined by where you went to preschool.

I will give Abe some mondo credit though. Patti tried to slip Annah in as a rogue test, but he didn't fall for it. Though, how hard of a test was it? If he had fallen for it, I would have seriously worried about where he went to preschool.

Thou Shalt: Not go on an exercise date, ever
In the end the boys chose Ayla and Tiffany for their dates. And, since they were brothers, they decided a double date -- at the gym was the way to go. . .

Here's an important message about first dates, from me. Granted I don't know much but I do know this: If your date has to change clothes to do the activity you've planned it's a bad idea. Tell her if she's going to be working out or riding horses or having her portrait painted by Chuck Close. It's not that she doesn't want to do any of those things -- she'll just plan accordingly. Maybe if she knew about the date Tiffany wouldn't have taught multiple gym classes that day. And maybe both ladies could have drummed up exercise outfits that didn't look like something Jennifer Grey left on the floor post Flashdance. Just sayin'.

However, the ladies went with it because they are better ladies than I. In fact, Ayla like really went with it, taking she and Dave's flirty "spotting" to a new level at dinner. She even pulled Patti's "feed your date" trick on him. Those cats are in a precious kind of love, grillin' and making guacamole and talking about the future together. A real win for this week!

Abe and Tiffany on the other hand -- less talking about future menu plans. Maybe it was the single flower surrounded by shrubbery and paper Abe brought her, maybe it was the immediate suggestion of hot tub time, but Abe was not as finessed as one would hope. Granted he's a little rusty, but perhaps someone should have refreshed the man that it's best to save the suggestion of jacuzzi to date three, at least. And that's only if it's for physical therapy purposes. Back to the drawing board for this one.

Next week Jenny McCarthy is there to help folks get Singled Out -- or actually the opposite of that. . . Tell me though, what are your feelings on first date exercise? Leave your workout plan in the comments.