Recap: Shah-etiquette

Let’s talk about Shah-etiquette for this episode. There are a few dos and don’ts that we should all adhere to in life based on our Shahs.

DO: Get a Bra That Fits!

MJ says her boobs are unruly and they travel.

Let’s hope this new bra works because as of now, girlfriend needs a GPS on her boobs. MJ could be sitting in the 310 area code, while her boobs are in the deep valley at some random hookah bar.

DON’T: Look stressed out when a rabbi is giving you a lesson about weddings.

Mike, Jessica may have circled you seven times to complete you, but at least she wasn’t in a unitard Beyoncé style singing “put a ring on it.”

DON’T: Tell your sister you still talk to MJ when she’s still mad at her.

And while you’re at it, Leila, don’t offer for the three of you to go to dinner to talk about it either…because as GG would put it, you might get dropped on your head.

Remember this?

Or THIS?

Yeah, me too. I try to block those memories out…but you get the picture. I just don’t think a dinner is the answer.

DO: Have a birthday party for your dog because every dog deserves a party.

I’m just glad Coconut didn’t send out an Evite for this one, things could have gone south…

And while we’re on the topic of Coconut's birthday, DO have a dog psychic and an animal massage therapist. I wonder if she offers couples dog massages?

True story, but when one of my friends lost their English bulldog, they hired a pet psychic and the psychic ended up finding their dog in the back of a Chinese restaurant called The Lucky Egg Roll. So you never know when you’ll be in need of a pet psychic…they’re not just there for seeing the future.

DO: Name drop if you’re GG and your great uncle is Sohrab Sepehri.

After GG “cyber clicked” with Sasha, she knew exactly how to impress him…she name dropped her famous poet/painter great uncle’s name, Sohrab Sepehri. That’s like saying your great uncle is Walt Whitman, or Tupac if we are in the rap world. Anyway, that news almost blew Sasha’s jockstrap off he was so happy.

I don’t want to name drop or brag, but my great uncle is the great Chewbacca.

I’d post a picture, but Uncle Chewy said his likeliness wouldn’t be cleared. So I have to respect his wishes. You’ll just have to take my word on it.

DO: Go to therapy if you’ve been a disaster and out of line.

I’m so glad that Reza went to a therapist to face his inner demons. It doesn’t make what he did any better, but at least he was honest in therapy and is willing to talk to Sasha. It seems like he made a turn (just maayyybeeee…). I look forward to seeing a genuine apology. Hopefully he’ll be able to apologize, unlike his bestie, MJ.

Honestly, ANYTHING will be better than MJ’s “sorry, not sorry” from the infamous camping episode. #Sorrynotsorry, MJ.

Which brings me to the infamous Loch-Nesa and MJ fight. How on earth did GG happen to show up at the SAME bar as Reza, MJ, and Asa? Did she store a LoJack in Reza’s mustache? Hollywood is a big town, and so is Reza’s mustache, but what are the chances?

DON’T try to have a rational conversation after a night of drinking…

I’ve been behind GG the whole time this season AND STILL AM 100%, but when she gets unruly and out of control, it’s hard to tame the infamous Loch-Nesa as Reza calls her. She’d be taken much more seriously if she’d stop fighting while she’s drinking and acted appropriately when trying to get her point across (because she actually has a good point). When GG acts out of control, it just gives MJ more ammo.

Listen, I’m sure seeing the polyamorous lovers didn’t help GG’s situation…

…or the fact that MJ told GG she had camel toe. Truth is, MJ knows how to push GG’s buttons, and she continues to do it like an old desktop computer with a 56K modem.

DON’T give a fake apology just to shut people up.

MJ should NOT have given Sean a fake apology. In fact, she STILL owes GG a REAL apology, a sober one. Nothing can get accomplished when you’re drinking, period (on both ends). Things like “I’d love to wax my f-cking car with your f-cking t-ts,” might come out of your mouth. BTW, that’s a new one! And quite the visual. GG, why don’t you wait for MJ to get a new bra before you try that? Oh, and consult your Audi dealer to see if “t-ts" are OK to put on your car.

Bottom line is my opinion hasn’t changed on the matter. MJ needs to give a real apology to GG, and GG needs to not confront people when she’s drinking. It’s sad because friends should know better and take responsibility for their own actions, but clearly that ship has sailed. Now, can someone PLEASE APOLOGIZE and while you’re at it, can you also get me some of those sliders that were leftover at the bar? I’m starving.

Until next week…

Comments? Tweet me: @nadinerajabi.

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.