Recap: Reza Pops The Big One

After the Turkey episodes ended, I was thinking to myself, how the hell are they going to top that? Well…an engagement, I guess.

Besides Reza proposing to Adam on his 40th birthday, there was a lot more going on like: Mike and Reza untying the work knot, MJ having a high school reunion at the fertility clinic, and a bunch of Persians sliding on a piece of plastic. Oh and let’s not forget the rise of Lochnesa.

Let’s first start with Mike and Reza untying the knot. These two guys have gone back and fourth all season. Mike claims Reza hasn’t done anything for him, and Reza claims Mike is lazy. So which is it? I’m sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I will say this (and Reza has said this before): no one leaves a thriving business to start a new venture. Last season Mike made it quite clear that the commercial real estate business wasn’t where it was and that he needed to move on to something else. Truth is, Mike had to put in more legwork. Success doesn’t come overnight. However, I’m sure there is some truth to Reza not giving Mike the full attention he needed. But the good news is the two guys have gotten back to what’s really important in life -- friendship. God, I felt like I was watching an awkward break-up with the cliché conclusion of “we’re better off as friends.”

While we’re on the topic of Mike let’s talk about how he told Jessica that they’d get married by the time they’re 40. 40? Really Mike? 40? UM…Can I just say kudos to Jessica for putting Mike in his place and telling him that it doesn’t take five years to buy a ring. She’s right, she’s a good girl, has a good head on her shoulders, comes from a good family, and let’s not forget that she’s CONVERTING religions for Mike. Now, I know Mike wants to “blind the haters,” but he needs to get over himself and just put a ring on it, or he’ll lose Jessica. If you love someone, you can get them a lifesaver ring and it won’t matter. He can “blind the haters” when he makes more money down the line, but he needs to lock Jessica down or someone else will come and scoop her up. Let’s move on to MJ’s eggs. After MJ’s realization at the spa with Vida, she accompanied GG at the fertility doctor. I’m sure MJ didn’t love the surprise high school reunion with the doctor. I’d be mortified, but my embarrassment threshold is slightly lower than our beloved Shahs. I smell babies in Season 4 or 5 of the Shahs. GG said she doesn’t care about a man; she just wants to have babies. With that said, how amazing would it be to see GG and MJ at the sperm bank next season? I can just see GG thumbing through the book of frozen daddies.

Profile:
Donor ID: 3425 (GG: I like his name…he must be good at math)
DOB: 6/15/1990 (GG: Oh! He’s a Gemini! Two Personalities! Lochnesa and I will love him)
Blood Type: A+ (GG: Oh good! He’s a good student)
Occupation: Horse Trainer (GG: Maybe he can hook me up with hair for GG’s extensions?)
Hobbies: Spelunking (GG: Great! He can help me find my butthole.)

I can go on for hours…

Let’s move on to Reza’s birthday turned engagement party. Where do I start first? The Slip ‘n' Slide or Reza’s ode to the Iron Sheik? Reza looks like a cross between the Iron Sheik and the Burger King mascot:

As for the Slip 'n' Slide. Take note, Persians will only go on a Slip ‘n’ Slide if there is a pot of gold waiting at the end. We’re like the leprechauns of the middle-east…

Oh and can we just comment on Lochnessa’s bone to pick with MJ? I laughed so hard when she said “a knot,” and MJ responded, “What’s a knot?” I’ve been that drunk where I can’t comprehend simple words. Like the time I couldn’t think of the word “kitten” and called it a “cat puppy.” Yeah, that happened, but that’s a whole other story…

On to Reza’s engagement. I was so shocked he asked Adam to marry him. Reza always talked about being such a playboy and I’m so happy that he’s found a man that he wants to be with and STAY with. Adam seems like the sweetest thing and the yin to Reza’s yang. You could tell how nervous Reza was. He had the most nervous laugh! It was really sweet. I smell a gay Bravo wedding next year!

[video_clip_url:http://player.theplatform.com/p/PHSl-B/yT7k3t_YLXoZ/select/HENVvOcwHJ7e?form=html]While all of this was going on, Mike did not seem too happy. I’m not sure how he felt watching it, but hopefully he got the message that he needs to put a ring on it before Jessica converts out of the relationship. I don’t know what will make her leave faster? No ring, or the fact that Mike always gets barged in on while doing the nasty. Personally, I think Mike likes to be barged in on. It’s more opportunity for him to show off his doodool talah.

Meanwhile, as the gang was having a grand ol’ time at the party, Lilly was flying solo with Coconut, ordering in. I felt bad seeing Lilly by herself while everyone was having fun. It leaves me to wonder what will happen to Lilly next season? She doesn’t get along with MJ. Her and Reza aren’t on the best terms…but she’s on OK terms with the rest of the group. The reunion should be interesting to say the least.

Until next week…

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Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and stand-up comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Bravo’s in-house Persian.