Recap: All Good Things Must Come To An End

So here we are: Part Two of The Shahs of Sunset reunion. If you haven’t seen my reunion nightmare from last week yet, check it out here:

A Scary Reunion Dream

It’s been an emotional 12-week journey together, but we’ve finally reached the finish line with everyone’s favorite Persian posse. Last week Part 1 brought the drama to a head and left me hoping beyond hope for Part 2 to wrap up all of the friendships and fighting and hand them to us in a pretty little happy ending box.

Spoiler alert: It didn’t! Here’s a look at how I experienced Part 2 as a wild ride of emotional twists and turns. I laughed, I cried, and I had a lot of WTF moments. Yes, that’s right, the Shahs provoked emotion out of me, and that’s hard to do because feelings usually have a tough time getting to my heart through all of the excess body hair.

Things that made me laugh:

1. Reza likes an armpit with no deodorant. OK, this we knew, but can we pause on it for just a minute here? Reza said he didn’t know he liked deodorant-free armpits until he started dating someone that didn’t wear deodorant. Funny? Yes, but what’s really hilarious are all of the things we can infer about Reza just from knowing this fact about him. For example, I imagine Reza to be the type of guy that likes to smell other people’s farts too. Safe to say, we can all bear the funk of our own farts, but when someone else’s fart hits the air, it’s the WORST.SMELL.EVER. Unless you’re Reza, who I’m almost certain basks in the bliss of B.O. and methane! Hey, I’m not judging. To each their own!

2. Reza saying MJ was getting “double stuffed” by two Jewish cousins at The Peninsula. Let me preface my comment by saying that Reza was OUT OF LINE by throwing MJ under the bus and airing dirty laundry in an open forum like that. But even as angry as I was with him, I couldn’t help but laugh when he used the words “double stuffed” and “Jewish cousins” in the same sentence. It sounds like a bad porn spoof of the Doublemint Twins. What a bad visual!!! That can’t be kosher! And it made me wonder if MJ got waxed to be sexy for the cousins. I hear Jewish men prefer the “Hasidic” instead of the “Brazilian.” That’s where they wax the hoo-ha down the middle and leave curlies (peyos) on the outside. If that’s not a surefire way to make your man scream “Mazel!” I don’t know what is.

Things that made me go, “WTF?!:”

1. GG and Omid engaged?!? I don’t get it. WTF are these two thinking?!? I’ll admit it’s been endearing that these two have had each other’s backs all season, but you’ve got to have more in common than “getting digitized” as Andy would say for a relationship to work.

Even our Shahs are skeptical and accused GG of getting engaged for publicity. If she did totally try to pull a Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries on us, what will she do for Season 3? Get preggers by a Persian rapper? Kanye Middle-East? Sorry, bad joke. . .

The cast certainly presented a good case to prove GG and Omid are faking it -- both the engagement and the ring. Like any good Persian, Mike and Reza spotted her fake diamond from miles away. And Lilly laid the defense to rest by saying that she knows someone who was hooking up with Omid on the night that GG announced the engagement. Looks like the only diamonds GG really has a shot at are the ones in Asa's water. Wah! Wah!!

2. MJ’s boy toy Drizzy is (allegedly) gay. Reza said someone tweeted a pictures of him at a gay club in D.C. Really, Reza? That’s your proof? There are straight guys at gay bars too. Now if Drizzy was sniffing someone’s armpits or caught dropping the soap, then that’s a different story. But come on, can’t a girl’s guy be open-minded and tolerant without being outted on national television?!

Look, I’ll admit, the red pants and vest were suspect, but I couldn’t help but feel like this was Reza’s way of pulling out ALL the stops to publicly skewer his former bestie. Only this time Drizzy’s sexuality got caught in the crossfire.

Which brings me to. . .

Things that made me mad:

1. The way Reza treated MJ. I was sooo upset with Reza this reunion. What didn’t Reza do to his best friend? He called her out on her pills, her drinking problem, called her an addict, called her a pathological liar, called her a bank robber, called her mom a ho and a bitch, and the list goes on.

I know there is a lot behind their 20-year friendship, but so many things that were said should have been said behind closed doors. . .or maybe not at all. I agree, MJ should get help, but it doesn’t make the situation any easier if you’re called an addict on national TV. This isn’t Celebrity Rehab or Intervention. And while I like that it’s TV that’s raw and real, on a personal level I felt really bad for MJ.

It’s crazy that Reza put it all out there because typically a Persian’s biggest problem is that their white Benz isn’t the 500 (or above) model. Persian Pride dictates that others are only let in on our first world problems, not our deep dark secrets. If you’re going to have an intervention with your bestie on TV, be more compassionate and don’t attack. I know Reza was heated, but his tactics hit below the Hermes belt.

2. MJ denied having sex with Reza. . .even though she admitted it in on camera this season! Okay, I know this shouldn’t make me upset, but it did because MJ was CLEARLY lying! Listen, MJ, let Reza have this one. It’s not like he’s been with a lot of girls, so every notch on the headboard with anyone possessing the XX chromosome counts!

What made me sad:

1. Reza talking about his family. My heart goes out to everything he’s had to endure, and what a long way he has come with his dad and grandma. Who knows, what if this show would have never happened? Would Reza have been brave enough to face his family and grandma? I know he’s forever grateful to his Shahs and his best friend MJ for being there to support him.

Which leads me back to MJ and Reza. . .

2. MJ and Reza’s friendship. I think Reza has been way too hard on MJ. My heart bleeds for MJ with all that she’s facing. She’s no angel, and I’m sure sister needs help. But for the sake of the two of them, I hope they can work it out. I know forgiveness will be hard after all that’s happened. I hope Reza can humble himself and apologize for the way he handled his issues with MJ and I hope MJ can do the same. I feel like Mom and Dad are fighting and they’re going through a bad separation. I just hope the separation doesn’t result in a divorce. They have too much history.

This reunion was a doozy and it’s been a crazy ride this season. I know I’ve made a lot of fun of everyone, but the reality of it is that they’re people who have put themselves out there in the world -- they live outrageous lives and do a lot of ridiculous things, but at the end of the day I hope that the “tribe” can all come together next season in peace.

I wish Mike and Jessica all the best. I hope Lilly can find her happiness—with or without Ali. I hope our Persian Pop Priestess Asa’s life is full of enough love to fill her chakras and her diamond water. And that GG can succeed at being a business woman and also at controlling her anger. My wish for MJ and Reza is to have mom and dad back together, and for MJ to find her happiness with her mom.

Until next week. . .

Thank you everyone!

Comments? Tweet me @nadinerajabi

Nadine Rajabi is a television producer, writer, and comedian from Los Angeles. Most importantly she's Persian, and has been her whole life.