Tina and Tarz on the Cell Phone Blowout

Can you describe the proposal?

TINA: Sure, we could describe the proposal if there actually was one! It’s hard to surprise someone with a proposal when you figure out you’re getting married a couple weeks after your first date! Seriously, the very first time we went to meet Tarz’s parents, he called them and said something like, “Hey Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop, I’m coming over with that girl, Tina, who I told you about the other day-and by the way, she will be your daughter-in-law. So, um, hope you like her!”

TARZ: Yeah, it would have been tough to surprise Tina with a ring because she’s so incredibly Type-A. If she didn’t choose every little stone, color, angle of each prong, etc, it would be the beginning of the end. We actually did have sort of a proposal, but it was more like an SNL parody skit. Tina and I really love to laugh together, and since she already knew it was coming (and knew exactly what the ring she had designed looked like) we acted out the cheesiest most cliché ways to propose, such as dropping it in a glass of champagne, or putting it in a piece of cake. Then I would present it to her, and she would fake complete surprise!

TINA: Yeah, we were doing silly proposal skits and just dying laughing that whole night. We may not have a lot of baby-making action in our lives, but we have some serious best-friend fun together! It was as perfect as a fake non-proposal can be!How was it to hear that Kan still had reservations a few days before the marriage? How did that affect your relationship leading up to the wedding?

TINA: Oh, it sucked, and it still sucks. My dad is broken in half from losing my incredibly beautiful mother, and I will never blame him for his broken spirit, because she was the center of our universe and the most beautiful woman I will ever meet. Having said that, I think it was totally selfish of him to not hold that in. I mean, what did he think? That I was going to call off my whole wedding because poor daddy was not happy about it? Whatever dad…grow up and recognize that your problem is your broken heart, and not actually Tarz. Weddings already are stressful and his disapproval added even more stress to the week! That might be the reason I lost my damn mind at the reception and yelled at Tarz!

TARZ: Candidly, it wasn’t a complete surprise. I’m more surprised that he didn’t stop the wedding before it started! I thought we’d made some headway with a few of the conversations and interactions we’d had, but apparently not. He was, understandably, incredibly emotional the entire time so it was more of a grin-and-bear-it situation as opposed to something that may have been more volatile had he been more confrontational. What was it like combining the two families for the traditional Indian wedding?

TINA: To be honest, it was kind of a comical mess in some ways. I mean, Tarz’s dad (Pop-Pop) couldn’t understand our priest with his heavy Indian accent, and the priest couldn’t understand Pop-Pop with his Maryland accent...and then there was Pop-Pop trying to put on his Indian outfits and wondering why he had to wear a “long dress” even though he was a man. Then, Tarz’s side probably had no clue what was going on during the ceremony. I mean, if you’re used to a “white wedding,” I guess it is probably kind of weird to have a huge bonfire in the center of your wedding ceremony!

TARZ: On one hand it was a bit like mixing oil and vinegar. On the other hand it was pretty much your run-of-the-mill “military-punctual rural caucasian family” meets “not-so-timely straight off-the-boat Indian family” meets “southern state that still flies the confederate flag at the state house” wedding with a horse and carriage coming down the street, neighbors dancing on their rooftops, and the bride and groom tied together circling a bonfire in their living room with their dog following and trying to eat the ceremonial food offerings, then heading out to our after-wedding fishing boat fully equipped with a Bollywood parasol. You know. Pretty normal.

TINA: OMG Tarz, you crack me up...and yeah! I saw on the show that our neighbor was dancing on her roof? Did that seriously happen? How did I miss that insanity?!What was your favorite part of the wedding day?

TINA: The sweet “boinky boink” time Tarz and I had on our wedding night. OH WAIT. There was no “boinky boink” time...that whole week in fact! Tarz was too busy trying to balance his startup company, Pandoodle, with this other little side project we had going on that week (otherwise known as our wedding). Something that actually did happen that was a favorite part of mine was that my family put on an amazing skit about how Tarz and I met. It was called “Indian Idol,” and they told the “Tarzina” story through song and dance -- there was a “Simon Cowell,” a “drunk Paula Abdul,” and a gong -- it was absolutely hysterical, and an incredibly sweet gift to us!

TARZ: First of all, who has time for “boinky boink” time on their wedding? Oh, everyone else? Never mind. My favorite part was two-fold. I absolutely love when my family and friends get together. Cliché, but It completely fills me up inside -- I wish it happened much more often. The other favorite part was when one of our dogs, Loki, followed us around the ceremonial fire as we made our 7 sacred “life promises”, each promise represented by one rotation. So basically, the three of us are now married! Tell us more about Tina’s Father’s moves. Who’s the best dancer in the family?

TINA: My sister, Seema, has amazing natural, elegant grace, I have some crazy agility (because I’m always super-hyper nuts), and my dad has the most personality and creativity while dancing, as he just goes nuts and dances like he is completely wasted (even when there’s no liquor in site)! He sometimes overdoes it though. For example, at our reception, after our very muscular trainer, Mister Abs from NYC, playfully and very easily picked up my dad and spun him around, my dad decided to return the gesture! He literally picked up and spun around Mister Abs, who is solid as a frickin’ rock! I have NO clue what dad was thinking! (His back was wondering the same thing the next day…OUCH!)

TARZ: Hands down, as you saw, I’m the best dancer in the world. I’m pretty sure everyone is going to want to rewatch the season premiere throughout the week just to catch my moves over and over again. I’ll probably get my own show out of this: Dancing With The Tarz!How did the two families react to Tina swearing at the wedding when her phone broke? What was that moment like?

TINA: I don’t remember that moment at all, and so it was pretty shocking to see it on the show. I think I was just stressed and fed up from all of my dad’s B.S. and from being really frustrated that my mom was not alive for my wedding, and I just completely lost it.

TARZ: As I said in the show, “Ahhh, my lovely bride.” We actually asked our parents how they felt as we didn’t want to misrepresent their reactions, so here you go:

Kan (Tina’s Dad): “I wanted to just get up and walk out. Tina never speaks like that in front of me, so what was she thinking doing this at her own wedding? Tarzu's grandmother could have had a heart attack! Tarzu's parents were probably wondering if Tarzu was making the biggest mistake of his life. With children around and all, how dare she? A phone can be replaced and repaired. Respect cannot be mended, try hard as one may. Tina never even showed any remorse, nor did she apologize, or even look a bit sorry afterwards. Disrespecting one's husband is a no-no, and she did that right on the wedding day? Disgusting! Can it be construed as a sign of misery in the waiting? But, there was one silver lining. Everyone was very upset with Tina except Tarzu. He maintained his dignity and did not react. He cherishes Tina. True love!”

Dave and Ellie (Tarz’s Parents): Very (!!!) inappropriate...this was your wedding and that was unnecessary to say. There were plenty of children around...nieces and nephews of both of yours, and you need to be a role model. All the children look up to the both of you. It was quite distasteful to hear, and certainly not the vocabulary we use. It was quite disrespectful to your guests. I do agree that you had a lovely phone case, however, it is a phone case...so that makes me wonder if material things mean more than anything else in the marriage?