Threesomes Please Apply

Kissing is one of the first things that can fade in a relationship. Think about it -- the passionate hot kisses you shared in the beginning compared to now. Maybe it’s been six months, six years, or six decades. Kissing tends to diminish as the relationship goes on.

Kissing is key. It can be a bridge to expanding intimacy, and a steamy make out session can reignite the spark. So when Sex Educator Reid Mihalko came on the Sex With Emily show and asked me to help him teach a kissing workshop (re: be his kissing model) I said yes.

As usual I report back to Menace on what’s transpired since I last saw him. I delve into details on the Sex With Emily show about the kissing workshop and how you can’t tell someone how to be a good kisser, you have to show that. So Menace says, “Show me.” Show you? I thought. But this would mean we’d have to kiss. Some background: Menace and I have worked together for a long time, and we’ve never gone there. It’s true that many of our longtime listeners have suggested that Menace and I get together. Maybe it’s because we fight like an old married couple but adore and support each other in a loving way. We would laugh it off. But I can’t say no, as you know. So next thing I know I’m ripping off my headphones and going over to plant one on Menace. Of course he felt uncomfortable (and probably turned on) so he had to bash my kissing skills. Oh, Menace, he doesn’t know a good thing when it happens to him.

On to my date with Zack, fixed up by Nancy, a longtime family friend who thought Zack would be a nice fit for me. Per usual, I know nothing about this date except that he’s athletic (a rock climber, like me) and, well, that’s about it.

It’s one of these perfect days in San Francisco, so I was excited to have an outdoor daytime picnic date with the Golden Gate Bridge glistening in the background. Perfect setting, right?

I was impressed when Zack showed up with homemade snacks and hot chocolate. Conversation was flowing (as well as my blood pressure) while we practiced acrobatic couple yoga.

All seems to be going well until it screeches to a dead halt: Zack tells me that he’s in a happy year-long relationship. He wants to know if I’m cool with that. And oh, do I like women?
Tell me this: Do I have a sign on me that says “Threesomes Please Apply”? Seriously, you would tell me, right?

It’s not that I’m against dating people in open relationships, but this is the kind of information you should acquire before the date. Just for good old point of reference sake. I don’t think sweet Nancy knew when she fixed me up. And he probably didn’t offer the information.Meeting up with Ruby is always necessary to analyze the goings on in recent weeks. I realize that explaining a guy who wants to have sex while playing penetrative scrabble sounds suspicious. A lot of what I do is for research and enhancing my own experience as a sex expert. So to answer Ruby’s question “Do you want to be making out with polyamorous queer dudes the rest of your life?” Probably not. But who knows what will happen next? I guess you’ll have to tune in next Monday at 10 pm. Maybe I’ll get invited to an orgy.

xxx,
Emily